Calvin sat in his car, just staring out the window, unsure of how to feel. He sighed, took a sip from his coffee cup and then looked at the passenger side window, where the bouquet of lillies sat. He reached out, put his hand around the end and picked them up, then exited the vehicle. As he walked across the wet freshly mowed grass, he hoisted his jacket further up around his neck with his free hand to keep himself warm. Doing this sort of thing always unnerved him, but he had to do this...
...he had to let her know how he felt. *** "I can't believe you talked me into this, I don't even like athleticism," Sun said as she pulled her rented bowling shoes on as Rachel sat at the table next to her doing the same. "Neither do I," Rachel replied, "It's just nice to get out of the house once in a while, you know? At least that's what my mother used to try and sell me on." "I hope nobody minds that I can't bowl worth a damn," Sun said. "It's okay, neither can I, it's more an excuse for us to socially down nachos in a public forum under the guise of teamwork," Rachel said, sighing as she looked into the distance wistfully, whispering, "...I wish there was a team for that." Sun laughed as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail and watched as the others on their team finished getting the refreshments at the table before she looked back at Rachel, chewing on her lip nervously. "I'm sorry, I'm not very good at dealing with other people these days," Sun said, "Not that I ever was, but before I came back to town I had to do it for work so I sort of got better at it, and now those skills have somewhat atrophied. I'm sort of...bad...at communicating." "Well with word skills like that no one would ever guess," Rachel said, making Sun laugh; Rachel scooted to the side and put her hand on Sun's shoulder, saying, "hey, it'll be fine, okay? I'm here. I'll make sure it goes fine." Sun smiled and nodded. She really appreciated Rachel's kindness and friendship, especially at this time in her life. Unfortunately for Rachel, she wanted it to be more than that. *** "Why are we here?" Wyatt asked, leaning against the snack table and looking at all the people in the room, many of whom were dressed in tacky clothing, unkempt looking in their hygiene and sometimes smelled of weird essential oils. "Because this is the kind of thing you do if you want to take conservation seriously," Celia said, "You go to meetings like this, and you fight big corporations and you offer helpful insight, and considering what you do for a living, your insight will be invaluable." "Oh," Wyatt said, "Well, glad to help. Why aren't they better dressed though?" "Well nobody said activism was fashionable," Celia said, finishing with her paperwork before setting it down on the table and turning around to face the crowd with him, she added, "But when you're trying to save others, the last person you think of is yourself." "That guy has on two different shoes," Wyatt said. "Yeah, some people just can't be helped," Celia said, making him smirk as she said, "Come on, let's sit down." Wyatt and Celia walked across the room and took their seats in the big circle of chairs. An older blonde woman, the only other somewhat well dressed person there, cleared her throat and looked around at the group. "Hello, and welcome to another meeting. As you may know, but I'll reiterate for newcomers, my name is Marriane Bradley and I am the leader of SpareSun. We are a group dedicated to the conservation of the planet, the opposition of the destruction of forests and other natural preserves and of course interested in pushing back against the companies purely interested in pushing us closer to the brink of climate change for the sake of they paycheck." Everyone said hello in unison, which only unnerved Wyatt some more, but he didn't say anything. "We are in sort of in crisis mode right now, actually. I've just been informed that Morgana, a leading company dealing with deforestation for the sake of landscaping, is set to plow down an entire area just outside of town to create high rise condominiums for those looking to 'escape the city life' but still be somewhat near it. Obviously this is our top priority, so who has anything to say about this? Any suggestions or information?" Marriane asked. "Morgana's a scam," Wyatt said out loud, before quickly realizing everyone was looking at him, even Celia, who was somewhat surprised by this outburst; Wyatt adjusted his tie and continued, "Uh, I mean, well, my father worked in the same kind of business, and from what he's told me, Morgana doesn't do things by the book. They cut corners, they're sloppy, they're disorganized, so on and so forth, because a lot of the money they get from the deal they funnel back into a second operation of theirs so they don't have to pay taxes on it and can write it off instead as a business expense." "So you're saying if we could provide proof of this, we could get them tied up in litigation long enough to perhaps build a stronger defense against their actions?" Marriane asked, and Wyatt started to sweat. He looked at his hands, nervously. What in the world was he doing here? This was a direct competitor he was talking about, and his father would kill him if he knew he had said anything he'd been told in confidence. And then he thought about Mona. He thought about how much worse things would be if even the quiet places were suddenly taken away from her, and he remembered why he was doing this. "Possibly," Wyatt said, sitting forward, a bit more brazen now, adding, "In fact, very likely. They'd have to scrounge up a lot of paperwork, paperwork they'd likely prefer to doctor before sending over just in case it even remotely incriminates them, and then if that becomes an issue that's a whole other set of legal hoops they'd have to jump through. You can buy yourself a year or more time wise if you simply convince the right lawyer that a company isn't paying their fair share." Everyone murmured in agreement, and the man with two different shoes hit him lightly in the shoulder with his fist. "Right on, man, good idea," he said. Wyatt leaned back, smiling, massaging his sore shoulder as he shifted towards Celia and whispered. "I've been complimented on by double shoe. Clearly I am an important individual now," he said, making her laugh quietly. *** After bowling, Sun and Rachel were laying on the hood of Rachel's car in the parking lot, looking up at the stars, sharing a large container of nachos between them. Shoveling nachos in her mouth, Rachel spoke, though not particularly clearly. "You did great," she mumbled. "Thanks," Sun said, "It's just been so hard lately to be around others again." "Why did you come back?" Rachel asked, "You said you were an intern at a hospital, but why-" "I was studying to be a doctor," Sun said, "and it was grueling but I'd convinced myself that it was important because my parents had been so adamant that I do something important with my life. They always pushed me to be my best. Don't get me wrong, they aren't bad parents. They love me so much. But they also ask more of me than I'm remotely capable of giving them. After a while I burned out, and then when my dad started getting ill, my mom insisted I come home because I knew about medicine and could help him." "Yikes, I'm sorry," Rachel said. "But I didn't want to. I didn't wanna come back here. As you so elegantly said at work that first day, I'd gotten lucky, I'd escaped. And now...here I am, right back where I started. My mom is thankful I'm here, but you can tell she feels a bit of shame when she talks to her friends or family and all their kids are doing great things, and I'm working at a goddamned coffee shop." "But you're helping your dad, and that's noble," Rachel said, "I'd give anything to help my parents." "Why can't you?" Sun asked, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. "They won't talk to me," Rachel said, "For a slew of reasons." "I'm sorry," Sun said, "I don't know what I'd do without my folks. Sometimes it's overbearing, but like I said, they love me and they do appreciate me being here. I'm grateful to have them." "Nobody ever tells you but the world is even lonelier without family," Rachel said, now sitting up and pulling her legs to her chest, continuing, "you grow up thinking your parents are just the worst, and even if that's true, you miss them once they're no longer in your life. You think sometimes how great it'd be to be an adult, to be the master of your own life, but even if they were extremely toxic and controlling and manipulative, you still feel like an orphan, even if they aren't dead. Nobody ever tells you how lonely life can be without parents." Sun sat up and scooted towards Rachel, hugging her. "It's okay," she whispered, "You're not alone." "I just wish they loved me," Rachel struggled to say, tears starting to fill her eyes and roll down her face, her voice cracking, "all I want is them to love me, love who I am, not who I could've been." "Well, you have people who care," Sun said, "and that's a good substitute, right?" Rachel nodded, then turned and pushed her face into Sun, sobbing. Sun just sat there and patted her back, holding her, telling her time and time again that it was okay, that she could cry, and that she wasn't alone. But Rachel was alone. Sun just didn't know how alone Rachel actually was. *** "I'm surprised," Celia said after the meeting adjourned and they were sitting at a nearby deli having a snack; she took a bite from her sandwich and said, while chewing, "I really didn't expect you to just turn on your old life like that." "I was sitting there and I thought 'what am I even doing' because I could get in so much trouble for sharing insider information, but...then I thought about my daughter and how the other night she couldn't sleep simply because the heater was too loud, and the heater isn't that loud, trust me. But it was loud to her. And I started to think, fuck, if society takes all the quiet places and makes them obnoxiously loud and filled with others, then where will she be able to go to feel safe and free from sound?" Celia nodded, grabbing her drink and taking a long sip. "...I feel disgusting for what I've done to the world, and in turn, what I've done to her, even if only by accident. I want her to be safe and comfortable, and that just isn't a possibility if we continue to damage the planet," Wyatt said, "Besides, there's also the fact that Morgana is in fact a horrible company, and that's coming directly from someone in the industry. Bad as we may be, we're not nearly as bad as they are. There's tiers to tyranny, you know?" "I understand," Celia said, "...but...you're not just doing this to get ahead in business are you? To cut your own competitors down to size? I'm sorry if that's an awful thing to ask, I just-" "No, no, that's totally fair to assume, sure," Wyatt said, "and I don't blame you at all for asking, but no. Maybe a few years ago I would've been underhanded and sleazy enough, but not now. Not with what I know about my kids. I just wanna give them a better place to be once I'm gone." Celia smiled and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "You know," she said, "Back in high school, I always knew you were a good guy deep down. There was a small group of students who hated you purely because you were popular, but I always could tell you weren't a bad person. Glad to see I'm vindicated." "Who hated me? I'll kill them," Wyatt said, making her laugh as he added, "I...I wasn't great back then, but I admit it. I mean, who really was? Teenagers are very morally grey in many ways, and I was not above that. I did some shit I'm not too proud of. But overall, yeah, I didn't make fun of the handicapped or minorities, and I never disrespected women - at least I don't think I did, I guess it's not really my place to say for sure that I didn't - so I guess I tried at least, and that's more than most." "Can you get that paperwork? Can you get some actual dirt on Morgana?" Celia asked, "I'm a lawyer. You and I could take them down directly if you give me the stuff I need." "I probably could. I have some contacts over there. Employees I've been flirting with the idea of poaching, but they'd have to give me what I need in order to have a job with me once Morgana is taking the punches." "Well then," Celia said, lifting her drink, "Let's save the environment." They clinked their drinks and then ate their sandwiches. If only they knew what they were about to unleash. *** When Rachel got home that evening, she took a shower and then sat on her bed, put her headphones on to block out the world and painted her nails, thinking about the stuff Sun had said. The way Sun had held her, and the way she'd talked to her. God, she'd smelled so good. Rachel had so badly wanted to tell Sun how she felt, how she'd always felt, but she knew it wasn't the right moment. Hell, there may never be a right moment, and honestly, Rachel was starting to come to terms with that. Frankly, she was just happy to have Sun back in her life. And when Sun got home that night, she found her mother already asleep, and her father still in his chair, reading the newspaper. Sun brought him a large cup of tea, then gave him his medication and then helped him to bed once they took effect. Then she sat at the kitchen table, her hands cupped around her own mug of tea, and she thought about that night. She'd had a great time bowling, honestly, better than she'd expected, and she smiled. She was so grateful to come home and immediately have a best friend. So why did she feel so awkward about being around Rachel? *** Calvin was sitting in the grass, not saying a thing, the lillies now resting on the grave beside him. He just listened to the wind blowing, listened to the leaves rustling, and he thought about how much he hated this day. A day he used to love he now hated. He sighed and he looked over at the grave and smiled weakly. "Happy birthday," he whispered, reaching out and gently caressing the smooth marble. Calvin then stood up, wiped himself off and walked back across the graveyard and climbed back into his car. Once inside, he looked back out the window, towards his wifes grave, and he wanted to shriek. He could feel he was crying, but he couldn't bring himself to make any noise, no matter how much his insides twisted and turned. He finally started the car, and he started off towards home. Back towards his shed. Back towards building his bomb. His wifes birthday was always so hard, but this year his daughters birthday wouldn't be sad, it'd be a celebration. Because that was the day he'd blow up Robert Grudin.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
About
A group of former high school classmates reunite at their 10 year reunion, and discover they each want something different, many with someone else there. What ensues is a labyrinthian relationship amongst them involving crime, murder, romance and, in one particular case, terrorism. Archives
May 2024
Categories |