Carl Fuller found themselves standing in a large, empty waiting room in a hospital at 1 am, arms folded, staring out the window, in the direction of their house. All they could think of was everything they'd ever been too afraid to do in life, and how they hadn't told their father about their intentions to transition, and how now they may never get the chance to. Suddenly, Carl felt someone sidle up beside them, and looked to see their sister Ashley Fuller standing there, her eyes bloodshot from crying.
"...I was on the porch," Carl finally said in a low tone. "What?" Ashley asked. "I was on the porch," Carl repeated, "Every single game night, I've been in the kitchen with dad before it started, and for some reason, tonight, I was on the porch. Of all the nights to sit on the porch and not at the island...this'll haunt me for the rest of my life." "...he'll be okay. He's dad. Dad is unstoppable...at least that's what every kid thinks about their father," Ashley said, chewing her nails, "Every kid thinks their father is unstoppable until they get older, and they see for themselves that this once fantastic superman is actually just as flesh and blood as anyone else, and that they WILL die one day. Anna doesn't really have a family, and I know that upsets her, but sometimes I think she doesn't recognize the pros that come with that, like having to grieve over losing them." Carl nodded and looked at their sister, who looked back at them. "I never got to tell dad about my plans," Carl said, "What if he dies without knowing?" "He knows how you feel, it's not like you didn't openly admit that weeks ago," Ashley said, "Dad knows, and he'd understand support you, you know that. He'll be okay. He HAS to be okay....where the hell is Jason??" Meanwhile, in the hallway down from the waiting room, Betty was standing in front of a candy vending machine when Anna came up behind her, touching her shoulder. "Are you okay?" Anna asked. "I am not okay, no, my husband might be dead and my other son is nowhere to be found and now this piece of shit won't give me my fucking Almond Joy!" Betty said loudly, before turning back to the machine, grabbing it and shaking it hard, "Give me my candy you bitch ass sugar dispensary!" "Betty," Anna said, trying not to smile at her attitude, "Betty, Harold will be alright. Now, from what I saw, I think it might've been a heart attack." "And where did you acrue this medical knowledge? From the comfort of your doctors office couch watching General Hospital?" Betty asked, before recognizing her own tone and rubbing her forehead, "God, I'm...I'm sorry, Anna. I'm sorry, dear. I shouldn't be so-" "You have every right to be so upset," Anna said, taking one of Bettys hands, "It's a scary situation, okay? And nothing's going to change that until you're told your husband is fine and you can go in and see him...in the kitchen, he told me that I am part of your family now. That...that you guys love me and welcome me, even if Jason and I aren't together. I'm glad I got to talk to him right before it happened." "Anna, about Jason-" "Don't. He tried to apologize to me about him too, but...marriage isn't one persons responsibility. I'm not the best wife, and it's just as much my fault as it is his in many ways. The difference between Jason and I is that I recognized my shortcomings ages ago and was willing to work on them, while he denied things and then when finally confronted with his reality, denied it outright until it was too damn late. I just wish he could be here...I've tried calling him but nobody's answering." "Um," Carl said from behind, as they turned to look at them, "I was thinking of going home and getting some snacks and books and stuff, in case we're here for a while. I just wanted to let you know in case you wondered where I went." Betty nodded and hugged them, kissing their cheek. Carl turned and walked down the hall, heading for the front of the hospital. Just then they heard a *clunk!* and looked at the vending machine, where Anna bent over and picked up an Almond Joy, handing it to Betty. "What do you know, there might be some hope after all," Betty said. *** Carl pulled into the driveway, and just sat there with the car turned off, their hands gripping the steering wheel. They couldn't think straight, and felt like everything was crumbling around them. Carl's knuckles turned bright red as their grip on the steering wheel tightened and they started to scream and throttle it violently. After a few minutes of crying, they looked up and noticed the upstairs bedroom light was on. Carl took their seatbelt off, opened the car door and headed into the house. They stepped quietly, in case it was a burglar or something, but as they headed up the stairs to the upstairs bedroom, they could hear rummaging going on in their parents room. Carl pushed the bedroom door open slowly and saw Jason digging through their parents closet, muttering to himself. "Jason?" Carl asked meekly, making Jason jump and turn, facing them. "Oh," he said, putting his hand to his chest, "It's just you, god, you scared me half to death." "What're you doing here?" Carl asked, "...didn't you get any of our messages?" "Yeah...I took a taxi here," Jason said, sitting on the end of the bed and sighing, "...I can't go to the hospital. I've let dad down so badly, especially recently. I don't wanna be there if something happens. It's easier to cope with from afar." Carl came and sat down next to Jason, not saying a word, as Jason looked around the bedroom and then down at their parents bed. "When we were little, I used to have nightmares that were so bad, that I'd have to come in here and get in bed with mom and dad. I acted tough, and was never picked on at school, but I...was such a scared kid. I would come climb in here between them and knew that I was safe, because you're safe when you have family, when you have your parents, or just someone to love you. But once you're grown up, once you're alone, and on your own...I've lost them all. I've disappointed everyone, and I pushed my wife away and now my father's in the hospital and we are gonna lose him too and-" "We're not gonna lose dad," Carl said, "Trust me, he'll be fine." "Even still," Jason continued, on the verge of tears, "...I...I feel so alone in the world. I don't know who I am, what I even really want...where I'm supposed to be." "Well there's nothing wrong with that as long as you're wiling to look and learn and grow," Carl said, "I mean I-" "I quit my job," Jason said, taking Carl by surprise. "...wh...what? You did what?" "I quit my job today. I'm leaving the country for a while, going on a trip," Jason said, "...I just need some time to find out who I am and what I want to really do. I need to become better. I need to grow, like you said. This is what I'm doing. I'm leaving in a few days." Carl didn't really know what to say. They just looked at their brother, seeing them as a terrified, vulnerable human being, and knew they'd been much too harsh on them lately, as had everyone. Yes, Jason had made some very bad mistakes, but it was never intentional, and he wanted to make amends, to grow and better himself. Carl put their hand on Jasons back and smiled as Jason looked at them. "You wanna play something?" Carl asked and Jason laughed, half crying. "What?" "You wanna play a game? Dad always played stuff with me when I was sad," Carl said, "Let's find the game closet and play something." Jason nodded, getting up with Carl and following them out of the room. *** Ashley was standing at the window when Anna joined her. Anna took her hand and kissed it softly, making Ashley smirk just a bit, which she so badly needed this night. As Anna hugged her arm and looked out the window with her, she heard Ashley sigh and wipe her eyes on her sleeve. "Mom and dad have been together for so long," Ashley said, "They love eachother so much and I want that. I feel like you're giving me that. It's all I've wanted my whole life is to have what my parents had. To not be alone, to have someone by my side who believes in me supports me...I mean, isn't that what everyone really wants?" "I'd think so, yeah," Anna said, "But you know Harold's gonna be okay." "Even so, it doesn't change the fact that things like this put life into perspective. The funny thing is, it's always these 'very special episodes' on TV shows that force people to put aside their issues and finally get introspective, to look at themselves, look at life and realize what really matters. Life is so filtered through media that it's always supposed to be peachy and happy and everything works out in the end, but that's not life at all, that's just life we've packaged to ourselves to be consumed as what we wish life was, because it's so not what life is. Life is messy and scary and confusing and dangerous and hard but...but sometimes you don't have to do it alone and that's the luckiest thing in the world." Anna blushed as Ashley kissed her cheek, gently biting her ear. "Anna," she continued, "I don't wanna be alone. I know things are hard right now, and I know your life is going to weird and complicated for a while, but I'm willing to be by your side and help you through it. I promise. No matter how fucked up everything gets, I will be there. I love you." "I love you," Anna repeated, looking into Ashleys eyes, kissing her back. Betty, who was sitting a few benches away, eating her Almond Joy, was watching this and smiled to herself. She looked at her wedding ring and thought of Harold, of all the good they'd done together, raising these kids, doing good in the world by volunteering and helping others. All the places they'd seen together, all the fun they'd had together. Now she wished her children could have that, and it looked like they would. She just didn't want herself to be without it too. She needed Harold. She loved him more than words could ever begin to express. He was- "Miss Fuller?" A doctor asked, and she turned her head. "Yes?" "Come with me," they said, and she nodded. *** Carl and Jason were sitting in their parents bedroom, playing Operation on the bed. Carl was looking at their fingernails while Jason tried desperately to remove something from the stomach of the Operation guy, the buzzing from the gameboard filling the room nonstop. "It's a good thing this guy's already in the fuckin' hospital, 'cause I'd send him there if he wasn't!" Jason muttered angrily, making Carl smirk. "So where do you think you're gonna go?" Carl asked. "I don't know..." Jason said, "I guess, maybe like Africa or something." "Why does every single white person go to Africa to find themselves?" Carl asked, and Jason shrugged, smiling at the very true statement they'd just made, "Well, whatever you're looking for, I hope you find it. You deserve to be happy too." "You too," Jason said. "...I'm going to transition," Carl said, and Jason looked up from the gameboard. "Yeah?" "Why not? People obviously can seem perfectly fine and then just fall over in their own damn kitchen at the drop of a dime, so why not just do whatever the fuck I want with my life," Carl said, "Anyway, I'm going to start seeing a therapist about it soon. I'm nervous." "You shouldn't be nervous, I mean it's understandable since it's such a change, but...you've always been way better than I have in doing whatever the hell you want to. I think that's been made pretty damn clear these last few weeks, considering how much everyone hates me," Jason said, "Ya know, it's funny; a few weeks ago, on the drive over here, Anna told me she really didn't want to keep coming to these Family Game Nights. I'm the one who pushed her to keep coming and look, it's cost me everything. If I'd just listened to her for once in my sad life..." "You'll be okay," Carl said. "So will you," Jason said, "Alright, that's it, I've had it with this buzzy motherfucker, let's find something else to play. We need to find the actual game closet, and not just whatever dad had picked out for next week. Come on." The two got off their parents bed and started down the upstairs hallway, with Jason staying upstairs while Carl headed downstairs. After a few moments, Jason leaned over the banister and looked down at Carl, who just shrugged. Carl leaned against the wall by the stairs, and felt it nudge. Jason was coming down the stairs when they spotted Carl looking at the wall. "This wall shifted...like a door, but there's no...there's no doorknob or anything," Carl said. "Really?" Jason asked, as he put his palm on the wall and pushed, feeling it shift. He then went to the fireplace, grabbed the poker and came back, shoving it into the wall a bit, until it slid through a slim slit, and he pushed it sideways, forcing the door wall to slide like a sliding glass door to the side, revealing an enormous closet of board games. Jason and Carl stood there, staring at this collection, both their jaws somewhat dropped. "God...dad really loves board games," Jason said, "There's nothing of us really anywhere in the house outside a few school or family photos or some shit on the fridge, but no, he loves fuckin board games. Hey, there's Mouse Trap! Let's play Mouse Trap! That was one of my favorites growing up!" As Jason pulled an ottoman over so he could climb up on it, he reached into the top of the closet and pulled Mouse Trap down, pulling down along with it, The Game of Life, which tumbled to the floor, the lid flopping off. "Shit," Jason said, "Put the lid back on that and hand it to me, I'll put it back." "Jason..." Carl said, kneeling down over the game box. Jason looked down, and slowly climbed down, kneeling on the other side of the game box on the floor, the both of them peering into, not an actual board game, but just a box full of drawings, photos, awards and other things from their childhood, up to and including copies of their graduation certificates and whatnot. "...Dad...he...he saved everything in this, this is where everything's been," Jason said softly, picking up a few pictures of them at Halloween when they were children, "...he saved it all. I knew dad loved us, I just didn't expect him and mom to be sentimental like this. A few weeks ago I told Anna that they never cared about anything we ever did really, but here's Ashleys dance recital tapes, and every good essay I ever wrote and everything you ever draw in art class and-" Carl started sobbing, and Jason crawled over to their side, cradling their sibling in their arms, stroking their hair, his eyes still sitting on a family photo they'd taken when camping one year when they were in their early teens, their fathers arms around them both, and Ashley sitting on his shoulders while their mother stoked a campfire. Family is weird. They're the one group you can't decide for yourself to associate with. You're just born to them, and while they can decide not to have you or you not to have them, they will always be a part of you to some extent. Family can be the best thing in your life, the worst thing in your life, but it's also the one singular constant thing in your life no matter what. It's the one thing that will always be there, even if you don't speak to them, they're still there. That's what Jason learned that night, was that even if they hated how he acted, they were still there for him, and it was time for him to be there for them as well, even if Harold was fine. "Ironic," Jason thought to himself, "Dad put all of our childhood in The Game of Life." Yeah. Harold Fuller really loved board games. He loved his children even more.
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Family Game Night follows the Fuller family, a (possibly too) tight knit family who meet every Thursday night to play board games...and air their dirty laundry. Archives
March 2019
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