"Are you telling me that you have never eaten Kale?" Amie asked, standing at the sink with Betty as she helped her wash the Kale she'd brought over.
"Never once in my life," Betty said, "Harold always wanted to go vegetarian, wanted to help the planet, said it'd be healthier, but I like meat far too much to allow that to happen." "I understand, I had that issue too in the beginning once I learned of all the alternatives, but I still won't make someone else feel bad for eating meat. It's their choice. God knows I hate it when people judge me for my food choices, so why would I ever do that to someone else," Aime said as she finished washing it and was now laying it out on a cookie sheet, starting to season it, "But I do this, I make these chips out of it, and I know you'll love it. They're delicious and they don't take very long, maybe a half hour at best in the oven." "I'm willing to try anything once," Betty said, stopping and putting a hand on her hip, chewing her lip, "You know, thinking back to it, there was quite a bit I wanted to do that Harold never let me do and vice versa. But I guess that's what our generation believed love was, making sacrifices. I am so proud that you've all moved beyond that, that you're willing to stand up and say 'no, this is what I like to do and eat and wear and you have to accept me for that or find someone else'. You're not willing to completely censor yourselves from being yourselves for the love of someone else." "Well put," Aime said, seasoning the kale still, "But it's not that way altogether. I mean, there's always some stuff you have to come to terms with or, like, I don't know...make bargains on, you know? Like, compromising, you know?" "Like what?" "I don't know, like...sexual stuff, I guess, for one example," Aime said, making Betty laugh. "I guess that's probably true. You don't want your entire relationship to fall apart simply because he likes one thing and you prefer another," Betty said, "You know, I there were definitely things I did NOT like to do in bed when I was younger, not that I'm doing them now either, but whatever." "I don't know where this stigma that women don't like sex or don't like certain sexual acts has come from. I happen to enjoy oral sex," Aime said. "I'm glad, and I know it's not perfect obviously but, I was going to say that I am glad that women your age are allowing yourselves that much," Betty said, "God knows I would've been called the absolute worst things had I said that when I was younger. The times, they are a-changin'." *** Sitting on the porch swing, Becca was scrolling through their phone, trying to find something to say to keep the conversation between themselves and Sarah Riddle alive. They had been chatting on and off for a long while now, but Becca had always been more of a reserved person, scared to open themselves up to someone, especially in the romantic sense, but they were really trying to be someone different these days. Washed out headlights flooded the driveway, blinding them momentarily, as Ashley pulled into view and got out of the car. "Yo yo yo," Ashley said, hopping up the porch steps, "Sup?" "Oh, you know, the usual. Absolutely nothing. Aime is here," Becca said, "She and mom are cooking snacks. I guess Jason is busy doing something? Where's Anna?" "Exhausted at home, taking care of the baby," Ashley said, sitting down on the bench next to Becca and sighing, "God...do you think we were hard to raise? I don't really think we were all that troublesome or whatever, but who knows. What if we made things really hard on mom without knowing it or meaning to?" "Well, there was that crime ring we ran when we were, like, 9, and then of course all the murder convictions, but other than that and the secret brother we shoved in the walls never to be seen again, I think we were alright," Becca said. "Yeah..." Ashley said, kicking her legs, "Poor Gilbert. I wonder if he ever got out of the wall." Becca smirked, "What's going on? You seem depressed." "I'm...alive? I mean, existence in its essence IS depressing," Ashley said, "But I don't know, I guess I just wasn't really prepared to really be a parent, you know? Like, thinking about it is one thing, telling myself I'm ready, that's...that's not actual preparation. I did nothing to prepare and I don't know what I'm doing." "NO mom knows what they're doing at first," Becca said, "Look at it this way, you haven't left your baby in a hot car yet, so you're already ahead of the curve." "If that little bitch doesn't stop crying all night, I may have no choice but to leave them in a hot car," Ashley said, the both of them laughing, "I mean...can you just assure me that this whole situation isn't, like, totally buttfucking weird? Seriously, okay. I'm dating, and living with, my brothers ex-wife and raising their 2nd child as my own. Like, I need some goddamned normalcy." "You're fine, trust me, if anyone of us is the weird one, it's me," Becca said. "Hey, don't say that, there's nothing weird about you. I mean, aside from the second head," Ashley said, punching them gently in the shoulder, "Seriously though, you're not weird, Becca, okay? Please don't think that about yourself. I love you." "Thanks," Becca said, smiling, "You're a great sister." "So...what kind of snacks are they making?" Ashley asked. "Kale chips," Becca replied. "Jesus, like playing board games weekly wasn't bad enough, now my childhood home is being turned into the hippest vegan joint in town. Soon I'll need an ugly scarf that matches nothing and pre ripped jeans just to get a reservation in my own living room." "It's....yeah," Becca said, shaking their head, "I can't even joke about it. It's THAT dire, you're right. But I think it's good for mom to have a female friend like Aime, you know? It helps her not feel so alone, cause we're her kids, but she's just some girl our brother is dating. Some girl she happens to know now, and so I think that allows them to talk a bit more freely." "Mom has NEVER had a problem talking freely, trust me. I think Ernie proved that point," Ashley said. "Valid argument," Becca said. "Alright, welp, I'm going inside," Ashley said, standing up and pulling her shirt up over her nose, "Wish me luck." "Godspeed Indiana Fuller," Becca said as Ashley pushed her way through the front door. *** Upon entering the kitchen, Ashley found her mother helping Aime get her kale chips into the oven as they poured themselves new glasses of wine. Ashley simply stood there, in the kitchen doorway, arms folded, leg tapping, waiting to be noticed, and it was in those moments that she realized...she hadn't seen mom be this happy in a while. It seemed like ever since dad had died, mom had always been nervous of empty or angry, but now, here, with Aime...she couldn't put her finger on it, but something about Betty seemed warmer. Brighter. More alive. Finally, Aime noticed Ashley and waved at her, her mouth full of wine and mixed nuts. Betty turned around, swallowed her own wine and smiled, also waving at Ashley. "Sweetheart! You're here! We're making kale chips!" Betty said, chipper. "Yeah, Becca told me," Ashley said, "I'll alert Whole Foods." "Would you like some wine?" Aime asked. "I guess," Ashley said. As Aime went to get another wine glass, Ashley sat at the island and Betty stood across from her. Aime came back to the island and started pouring Ashley a glass, which Ashley thanked her for. "You seem happy," Ashley said as she lifted her wine glass and took a sip. "I AM happy," Betty said, "I feel like...like the negativity that Ernie brought into this house has finally left in full force and everything feels good again. It helps to have someone around, too, who is so positive." "I try," Aime said, chuckling before excusing herself to use the bathroom. As soon as she'd exited the room, Ashley downed the entire glass, and then Aime's glass and then looked at her mother, a very concerned look on her brow. "Mom," she said, "What the FUCK?" "She's positive, Ashley, and I know that doesn't vibe with your whole angsty lesbian thing-" "Whoa, okay. Ouch." "-but," Betty continued, "It makes ME feel good. I deserve to feel good. I deserve to have a life, even if Harold doesn't have one anymore. I was a person outside of my marriage, you know. I want to do new things and have new friends. I want to be a whole person again. She gave me this." Betty put her thumb under the chain around her neck and leaned forward, holding it out so Ashley could see it. "It's a rock," Ashley said. "It's a crystal!" Betty said excitedly, "It's supposed to bring me a good aura." Ashley shrugged and sighed, pouring herself the last of the wine, raising her glass to her mother. "Well, either way, I'm glad you're happy," she said, grinning, before downing this new glass as well. Just then, Becca entered the kitchen and picked up the wine bottle, looking at it before looking at Betty and Ashley, both of whom just shrugged. Becca leaned against the island as Betty put her wine glass down. "Goodness, I should make sure Amie is alright in there, and bring her a hand towel. I did laundry but I forgot to put it away," Betty said, exiting the kitchen, leaving Becca and Ashley alone again. "So what's crawled up mom's ass?" Becca asked. "Self enlightenment," Ashley replied. Together, they shuddered. "So what are we even playing?" Ashley asked. *** As it turned out, Betty had already set up a game in the living room; Connect 4. Granted, it wasn't the most involved game they'd ever played, but tonight was supposed to be simple. It was just the ladies, and it was supposed to be a generally relaxed evening. As they all took their seats in the living room, Becca pulled their flannel shirt off at the shoulder, nudging Ashley to look over. Ashley looked over, almost choked on the cracker she was eating and pointed. "You got a tattoo!" she said, mouth full of cracker. "I did indeed," Becca said. "That's so cool!" Ashley said, touching their shoulder, "When did you do this?" "Last week, right after the hospital," Becca said, "Be gentle, it's still a bit sore. Everybody I asked said it hurts but it was honestly fine." "Well, you have a good pain tolerance, I mean, all that BDSM," Ashley said, she and Becca mock laughing at the joke when Amie came in. "Tattoos?" Aime asked, "Yeah, it didn't hurt nearly as much, but it also depends where you get it and how long it lasts, like, the size." "See, size DOES matter," Becca said, making Ashley laugh. "I mean, when I was getting my first sleeve done, it was pretty painful, but that was because my body hadn't acclimated to the pain yet. Now it doesn't hurt one bit. I can sit and get tattooed for hours and it's no big deal," Aime said, "What did you get?" "Can't be any worse than Sundew," Ashley mumbled, making Becca crack up. "Um, it's Venus," Becca said in between fits of laughter, "It's a tattoo of Venus, cause, ya know, men are from mars, all that shit." "Right, right," Amie said, "You know, thank you for letting me be here, even without Jason. My family is kind of broken up and doesn't talk much, so it's nice to have some sort of family to be around. It makes me not feel so alone." In that singular moment, Ashley saw Anna in Amie. She understood now why Jason loved her. Because Amie was just yet another Anna. Someone loving, full of ideals, of beliefs, who came from a broken home, who loved being with his family instead. Amie continued towards the kitchen to get the kale from the oven as Becca and Ashley took their seats on the couch in front of the Connect 4 board. Becca sighed. "We're mean people," they said. "I don't know that we're 'mean' people, necessarily, but yeah, we might be a bit more bitchy than we should be," Ashley said, "I can't help it though, I'm catty, that's just what I am. Jason knows this. He knows I don't mean the things I say to him, that it's just a sister poking fun at a brother." "I want to feel like I fit in, but I don't know that I do," Becca said, "I thought maybe I did, after Anna had the child, I finally felt like maybe I was actually a part of this family, but I..." They paused and looked at their hands in their lap. "I miss dad," they whispered, and Ashley laid her head on their shoulder, rubbing their back. "Yeah, me too." "Alright, you ready to play?" Betty asked, coming into the room and sitting down across from them. Becca shrugged and looked off into the distance as Ashley pulled her hair back into a ponytail and smiled. Amie came back from the kitchen with all the kale chips on a small plate, putting it down on the new coffee table. "So, I never really asked," Ashley said, as she started playing, taking her first turn against her mother, but looking at Amie, "What were you doing in Africa anyway? Like, you said you and Jason met there but-" "Yeah, at the hotel, and then we started going to Yoga together," Amie said, making Becca and Ashley snicker. "Jason does Yoga now?" Becca asked. "He's very good," Amie said, eating a few chips, "Yeah, and he was telling me about his trip and stuff, and how, like, amazing Africa was and I told him that I'd gone a few years ago and that that trip was my second, and that we should get together and share pictures and stuff, so we started meeting for lunch and just...I don't know, I guess we really hit it off, heh." "So why did you go to Africa in the first place?" Becca asked. "It's just a really beautiful place, and it's so much...I don't know how to put it...hopeful? Yeah, I guess hopeful than our country. The people there are just....so good. I know, there's bad everywhere, capitalism reigns supreme and greed is universal, but still, there's just something so nice in the air everywhere you go there that you can't help but feel happy." "That's...really nice," Becca said. "I'm glad you remembered to take those out," Betty said, taking her turn and motioning to the kale chips, "Because I have not been remembering very well lately. I mean, I know that's just a part of getting older, but still, it's slightly embarrassing at times." "It was no problem Miss Fuller," Amie said, handing her the chip plate as Becca leaned back into the couch and looked around the room. "You know," Becca said, crunching on chips, "things are nowhere near as combative when men aren't here." "You mean Jason isn't here, since he's the only guy we have around at this point," Ashley said. "Was Jason a mean person?" Amie asked, taking the chip plate back, watching Ashley and Becca grimace at one another as Betty took her turn. "It's not that Jason was mean, exactly, it's that he was misinformed and overexpecting. Like most guys, especially straight white guys, he just sort of assumed that his life was the best life, that only he faced any sort of real struggle, and that everyone around him just wasn't trying hard enough. But, I have to give him credit, he seems to have come a long way from that," Ashley said, taking her turn. "Has he?" Becca asked, everyone turning to look at them, as they shrugged and continued, "I mean, has he? Sure, he seems like a better person, but getting some new morals and white guy dreadlocks doesn't really change much other than your general outward appearance. I want to believe Jason is becoming a better person too, but sorry, it's kind of hard after knowing him my whole life." "I understand," Amie said, surprising them, "I mean, I love him but I understand. My father was very harsh to me my whole life, and he never once even tried to understand me or get to know the things I was interested in. He once accused me of only being interested in them because they were things he wasn't interested in. Then, once I stopped talking to him for a few years, he suddenly becomes this wholly enlightened individual who wants to hear my opinions on things? No. He was just pretending so he could still gaslight me. So, Becca, I understand that sentiment more than you know." Becca had to admit, that wasn't what they were expecting to hear. Perhaps, Becca thought to themselves, this girl wasn't so bad. Perhaps they were exactly what Jason needed and, perhaps, Jason was in turn becoming an actually better person. "Harold was never like that," Betty said, smiling, "He was always caring, always considerate, unlike his brother. He had a temper at times but never was it directed at me or any of you kids. I miss him so much every day, never think the people you care about will be here as long as you will, because chances are one of you will be gone before the other." Nobody said a word for a moment as Ashley took her turn and sighed. She pushed her bangs from her face and looked across the table at her mother. "I'm going to get a beer, mom, do you wanna come?" she asked, and Betty nodded, standing up after Ashley and following her to the kitchen, leaving Becca and Amie there together. Amie sighed and looked around the living room, then held out her hand and looked at her nails. "What color do you like on your nails?" she asked. "Honestly, I prefer pretty basic colors," Becca said, "Just robins egg blue or something like that." "I like coral." "Coral is always a good color," Becca said. "Can I ask you something, and...please don't take it the wrong way," Amie said. "When someone says 'don't take this the wrong way' you're already preparing them to take it the wrong way, but sure, go ahead," Becca said, making them both chuckle as Amie looked to the floor and ran her palm across the carpet. "Um," she started, "...was it hard for you, to, ya know...admit to yourself who you were?" "...it wasn't that it was hard, it's more that I just didn't want to," Becca said, sitting forward now, cupping their hands in their lap, "Uh...yeah, it's more like I figured I shouldn't rock the boat, especially once Ashley came out because, why the hell make things more difficult for everyone, you know? And my own life too, I didn't have a good life, I had a stupid job and I still have said stupid job and I wasn't happy and I'm still pretty unhappy but at least these days I'm more unhappy about other things, not about who I am or who I wish I could be." "Hmmm," Amie said, chewing on her lip, "I guess that makes sense, and I'm happy you could find some sort of happiness in your life." Becca smiled and sat back on the couch, relaxing. They were starting to really like this girl. They could now see why Jason had fallen for her as well. *** In the kitchen, sitting at the island and drinking their beers, Ashley couldn't take her eyes off her mothers fingers on her free hand, fondling the little crystal that Amie had given her. Ashley finally looked up to her mothers face and sighed. "Mom, are you okay?" Ashley finally asked. "I don't know, Ashley. I feel like I'm trying to keep everyone and everything together and it's all pointless and impossible. Family game night was the most important thing to your father, and I want to carry that tradition on for him, but...I don't know what I'm doing Ashley. Are you happy?" "Am I happy?" "I wanna be happy," Betty said, sniffling, "I want to be ecstatic to be alive. But it's hard. When you spend most of your life with another person and then they're just gone, in the blink of an eye, not even from a drawn out terminal illness you get to come to terms with, but just gone...it fucks you up. I try so hard to be okay, I...I throw myself into books or outdoor activities to try and be okay and just find something I enjoy but I don't really enjoy anything without your father." "Well this isn't going to pass the Bechdel test," Ashley muttered, "What about all that crap earlier, about, ya know, wanting to be a whole person again and you were a person before dad?" "Oh god, please," Betty said, "That was such malarky." "Malarky?" "It's a word." "That doesn't mean you get to use it like it's normal," Ashley said, making them laugh. "I'm not saying you can't be a whole person without another person, but I am saying it's hard to readjust. Harold and I spent most of our time together, because we were best friends and we liked the same things and we enjoyed doing housework together. It's hard, Ashley, it's very...very hard to come back from losing that." "Well, you have us," Ashley said, "I mean, I know we all suck, but, you have us." "I know, and I appreciate it," Betty said, standing up and kissing her daughters head, "Now let's get back out there and finish this game." *** After the game, Becca and Betty watched TV while Amie headed home, and Ashley headed back to the apartment. As they entered, they found Anna laying on the couch, the baby laying on their chest. Anna looked over to Ashley and smiled, her eyes half shut, clearly dead tired. "How was it?" Anna asked. "It was alright, kind of a bummer, but...we all missed you," Ashley said, sitting on the couch, picking the baby up and holding it, "You're gonna come next week, right?" "Yeah, definitely," Anna said, sitting up and running her fingers through her hair, "If you'll put her down for the night, I'm going to take a shower, cause I feel gross." "I'll join you if you wait," Ashley said, surprising her, as she added, "I just...I want to make things work and make things feel normal. Things don't feel normal. At home or here." "I understand," Anna said, "Jason and I have kind of put you in a weird situation." "That's putting it lightly, yeah," Ashley said, chuckling, "But...I want to make it work. I want to be your best friend, and I want us to do more things together, outside of family game night." "Well, we can manage that," Anna said, kissing Ashley before standing up and taking her top off, heading for the bathroom. Ashley blushed and went to put their little girl in her bassinet, looking at her for a moment, touching her face gently, before leaning in and kissing her little nose. She then turned and headed for the bathroom. The thing Ashley had come to realize from what her mother had said was that, sure, you weren't a whole person just because you had another person with you, but it sure as hell made her happier to be with someone than being alone ever had.
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Family Game Night follows the Fuller family, a (possibly too) tight knit family who meet every Thursday night to play board games...and air their dirty laundry. Archives
March 2019
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