The smoke clouded his vision, and he tripped over an ottoman while grasping for the board game closet. He leaned there, on his hands and knees, coughing, hacking, everything going up in flames around him. Jason Fuller looked around, squinting to try and see, and tried to stand back up but he couldn't. His knees buckled, his chest tightened, his face too full of fire and smoke.
"Jason!" a voice called in the nearby distance, shrieking to find him, "Jason! Where are you! I can't see! Talk to me! Jason!" Jason opened his mouth to speak but continued to cough. He grabbed the ottoman and pulled himself to his feet, only to slip and slam his head on the coffee table, knocking himself out cold as the fire burned brightly around him. As he lost grip on the world, his sight fading, he could still faintly hear them calling his name, and then everything went black. All Jason Fuller had wanted was to save his fathers board games. *** It had been about 4 months since the whole family had been together for a family game night. Ashley got very busy with work and trying to finish her own website, working on her own original content, while she and Anna both got acclimated to being with child now; meanwhile, Jason had also started working hard to try and get a better apartment, and Becca...well, she'd been preparing herself, both psychologically and emotionally for her eventual surgeries. Thrilled to pieces but also a bit pissed that this was all society associated with people like her, she was struggling to simply keep it all together, and often felt all over the place, emotionally. Nonetheless, the Fuller kids were happy enough and alright. And things were alright until Ashley phoned Jason one night and told him she had an excellent idea, and for him to tell everyone else to meet that Thursday for a family game night. Driving over there, Amie in the passenger seat playing with her braided hair, Jason couldn't help but feel that whatever idea Ashley had in store for them...he wasn't going to like it. He glanced over at Amie, who smirked at him and chewed her gum as she played around on her phone. "You're not mad at me, are you?" he asked. "God for the eightieth time, NO," she said sternly, "You know I wanted to go to Rome and instead you gave your money to Becca to help them, and honestly, I couldn't be more proud of you. That's awesome. I still wanna go to Rome, but I certainly don't blame you, nor am I upset, alright? Stop trying to make me hate you like everyone else does." "What? Uh, not everyone hates me, thank you," Jason replied. "Well, apparently your family hated you enough for you to try and change your entire persona," Amie said, blowing a bubble with her gum before adding, "So, sure, they might not hate you NOW but they certainly DID." "I'm not trying to make you-" "I think you need someone to be against you, honestly," Amie said, sitting up straight in her seat now, putting her phone down, "I think you need someone to prove wrong, so you try and force everyone around you to fight who you are so that you can prove them wrong somehow." "Well, thank you, Professor Unwanted Analysis, you're contributing so much to the science of bullshit judgement," Jason said, making Amie laugh as he turned a corner, "But seriously, I don't...I mean, I don't think you're wrong, exactly, but I just...I feel like after a while of being married to Anna that I stopped doing nice things for her, and I don't...wanna...do that to you too. I wanna give you things." Amie blushed and kissed his cheek. "I like what we have," she said, "You don't have to give me shit, dude." Just then a knock came on the drivers side window, and startled them both. Jason rolled the window down and saw Ashley on her moped, with Anna hugging her from behind. He raised an eyebrow and put his elbow on the edge of the window, leaning out of it casually. "You know, I used to have a dream about this sort of stuff; two women riding motorbikes together," Jason said, "It's nice to see that some dreams come true." "That's gross, Jason, she's your sister," Anna said. "She was your sister IN LAW, that didn't stop you from making your move," Jason said. "I think I saw a movie like that in a hotel room once," Ashley said. "Yeah, THIS is a psychologically healthy family situation," Amie said, making Ashley laugh. "So, you wanna tell me about your awesome plan?" Jason asked, turning back from Amie to his sister, but Ashley merely shook her head and revved her engine as the light turned green, and she sped away in front of them. Jason sighed and started driving, rolling his window back up as they followed her. "Yeah," Jason said under his breath, "This is gonna SUCK." *** Becca Fuller was standing at the island in the kitchen, trying desperately to saw through an old loaf of french bread, while their mother, Betty, sat and watched, dipping her cookies in a glass of milk. Becca pulled their arm back, screamed and started stabbing the bread manically. "Towards thee I roll, thou all destroying but unconquering loaf of bread; to the last I grapple with thee, from hells heart I stab at thee, for hates sake, I spit my last breath at thee!" they shouted, repeatedly jamming the knife against the french bread. After a few more stabs, they stopped and exhaled, the knife sticking firmly up in the loaf as they glanced at their mother, who just smiled. "I hate to tell you this, but I don't think you're gonna win this battle," Betty said. "Why does anyone buy french bread?! Two weeks later and it's worthless!" Becca shouted, throwing their hands up in the air, annoyed as Ashley and Anna entered the kitchen, taking their helmets off and putting them on the counter. They walked up to the island and looked down at the bread, then up at Becca. "What the hell goes on in this house when I'm not here?" Ashley asked. "French bread is a joke; it mocks me and everyone I love," Becca said as they picked it up and walked it over to the trash, tossing it in. "You love people?" Ashley asked as they walked by, hand on their hip, shrugging. "Well," Becca said, "Perhaps 'love' is too strong a word, you're right." "Ashley," Jason said, now entering the kitchen, Amie right behind him, "What are we doing? I need to know. Please tell me it isn't something awful. What are we playing? I'm going nuts trying to figure it out." Just then, Sarah Riddle, in a sundress and sporting a undercut, came into the kitchen from the foyer and stopped next to Becca. "Did you find the guest hand towels?" Becca asked, and she nodded, holding their hand as Ashley looked to Jason and nodded, motioning for everyone to follow her. Everyone got up and followed Ashley into the dining room. Arriving there, she flicked the lights on, and held out her arms. "I present to you all, Dungeons and Dragons," Ashley said, presenting the dining room table laid out with a full board with character pieces, dice and all. Everyone stood there in shock, except Betty who had watched her set this up the previous day, as Ashley walked towards the table and motioned at it all, saying, "A guy I created something for this past month, he's a big DnD fan, and it got me thinking that all we ever do is play board games. We're always competing, and never working together, so I figured now would be the time. We'll play a campaign and we'll all work together, except Anna, who's going to be our DM because she's impartial." "Impartial?" Jason asked, somewhat shocked, "She's been with two of us, I wouldn't call that impartial." "Yeah, but I've only liked one of you," Anna added, smirking, making Jason glare at her as she walked to the table and sat down. Everyone else followed suit, and took their respective seats around the table. "Now, this week we're simply going to be creating our characters and everything like that, and next week we'll actually begin the campaign," Ashley said, "I wrote this campaign myself, so don't expect it to be high literature or anything of the sort." "Don't worry, our expectations are tempered appropriately," Jason said as he sat down next to Amie. "So, there's a sheet for all of you," Ashley said, handing out some papers, "I had this guy give me a rundown of what sort of characters are available to you. You can pick one of these off the sheet, so let me know what you would like to be and what your name is and Anna will write it down." "Well, seeing as I've actually played DnD before, I'd like to be a Tiefling," Becca said, "That sounds pretty appropriate to my life these days." "I have no idea what I'm reading," Jason said, scratching his growing beard, "I guess I...I'll be a human." "God could you BE anymore generic," Ashley said, laughing, "Like, you have a whole sheet full of magical creatures and you pick a fucking human. How standard of you." "I don't know shit about this sort of stuff!" Jason said. "I'm going to be an Elf," Ashley said. "Okay, alright, we have a tiefling, a human and an elf. Betty, what about you?" Anna asked. "Well, I like to Tortle. I like turtles, and I'm certainly old and wise," Betty said, "I don't look like a turtle, but that's besides the point." "Alright, we got a tortle," Anna said, jotting it down, "What else? Who's left? Amie and Sarah?" "Gotta go with Half Orc," Sarah said, pushing her glasses up her nose, "That's certainly up my alley." "I think," Amie said, scanning her sheet, "I think I'll be a gnome. Gnomes are cute, right? I like gnomes." "It's not like a garden gnome," Becca said, "These are badass warriors." "I'm a badass warrior," Amie said, "I once killed a coyote with my keys." Everyone stopped and stared at her as she lowered her head and mumbled. "It was bag of chips. I opened a bag of chips with my keys. I'm sorry for lying," Amie said, sounding ashamed. Anna nodded and wrote this all down, then looked at the paper and sighed. "Alright, I'm going to just read this guide and assign you all classes, and eventually names. This is a process, so just work with me okay," she said, "Alright. Becca, your tiefling is a cleric, so you do damage from a distance and can heal your party. Your saving throws are wisdom and charisma Amie, your gnome is fighter, so you know, you have proficiencies in all armors and shields and your saving throws are strength and constitution. Sarah, you're half orc is a paladin, so your saving throws are also wisdom and charisma, plus you know, you've got some magical abilities. Betty, you're tortle is a wizard, so you've got proficiencies in light weapons, but no armor and your saving throws are intelligence and wisdom. Jason, your human is a ranger, so you're an independent adventurer, so you've got simple weapons and martial arts, light and medium armor proficiencies and your saving throws are strength and dexterity, and finally, Ashley, your elf is a rogue and you have proficiencies in light armor and simple weapons, along with your saving throws being dexterity and intelligence. We'll go over skills and all that in a bit." She exhaled and started to write some more down on the paper while Amie played with her character piece and looked at Sarah. "I like your hair," she said. "Thanks!" Sarah replied, "Yeah, I was worried it'd look weird, and that it was, like, too mainstream or whatever. Everyone gettin' undercuts these days, but screw it, right? Makes me not as sweaty when it gets hot out." "I like it," Becca added, "I think it looks good." "Women are lucky, you all have a variety of hairstyles to pick from. Men get such basic shit," Jason said, making all the women at the table stop and look at him, which he took quick note of and then added, "I...I wasn't, like, I like my hair, I guess, I'm just...jealous I guess. I don't know." "Jason, do you want a makeover?" Ashley asked, making Anna chuckle. "No, I didn't say that, I just-" "We could bust out the curlers and give Jason like a pompadour or something!" Becca added, making Ashley and Anna crack up, "We'll make you into, like, a ninteen fifties hunk, man, it'll be great!" "I just sometimes wish my hair could be styled more than just a lump on my head," Jason said, "I don't need or want anything fancy, god, forget I said anything." "Just shave it," Anna said. "Your father shaved his head for a while," Betty said, catching Jasons attention. "Really?" "Yeah, he shaved his head for a while," Betty continued, pouring a glass of wine for herself, "He looked good too. Did it mostly in the summer to, as Sarah already stated, avoid the heat. When he needed it covered or felt self conscious, which, knowing your father, was rarely, he'd just throw a baseball cap over it." "That doesn't sound bad..." "Plus, you've got hair on your face now," Ashley said, "You could totally get away with having no hair on your head. A lot of guys with beards go clean shave on their skulls, and they look pretty nice too. Just food for thought," Ashley concluded, shrugging as she scrolled on her phone. "Okay," Anna said, handing out sheets with their skills and names on them, "Now I'm going to read to you the basis for the campaign, so here we go-" "Wait, just, hold on one cotton pickin second here," Jason said, "My name is Brutus? Seriously?" Everyone looked at him. "Nobody thinks that that's weird?" he asked, and everyone shook their head, as he added, "A fuckin human ranger...named Brutus? Brutus is like, the name of something big and scary, not someone like my guy. My guy should be named, like, Daniel or some shit." "You can't be named Daniel, that's not realistic," Becca said. "Real-oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know the game that has magical creatures and spells in it was aiming for 'realism', my bad," Jason said, making Amie laugh, adding, "I'm just saying, that's super not right. What's your name?" "Glory," Becca said, looking at their sheet. "See! That's badass!" "Your name is badass, you idiot," Anna said. "Yeah, but that name coincides with their character; their character is like a magical being, so of course they would have something cool like Glory, but my dude is just a shrimpy little guy and he gets named Brutus?" "I'm not good with names, alright?" Ashley said, annoyed. "Boy, I'll say," Amie said, looking at her own sheet, "My name is Peaches." "I stand by my statement," Ashley said, crossing her arms. "Did you just write down names and pick 'em out of a hat?" Jason asked, "Peaches? That's ridiculous!" "Cooler than your lame ass, Brutus," Becca said. "What about you, Sarah, what's your name? You're a half orc, you have to have something cool," Jason said, as she checked her sheet, then shrunk in her seat, embarrassingly stating her name was Adidas. Jason looked at Ashley in disbelief, everyone following his stare with stares of their own, as Ashley rolled her eyes. "Look, the names aren't important!" Ashley said, "I'm not a goddamned fantasy author!" "Adidas? Fuckin' Adidas?! You named a goddamned half orc Adidas?! You were just naming shit in your bedroom!" Jason said, "Am I...like...does nobody else have a problem with this?!" "Brutus, please calm yourself," Betty said, "We're trying to get to the game here." "What's your name, Ashley, huh? I'd be very curious to know what the person who wrote this campaign named themselves," he said, folding his hands on the table and leaning in, smiling. "If you must know, Brutus, my name is Baron Von Fruch, and I am the daughter of the highest elf lord," Ashley said, "So, before you speak so callously to me, just remember who exactly it is that you're dealing with here, because I could have you strung up in elf court." "Pfft, I'm not scared of some pansy ass elf, wearing flower crowns and playing wind chimes as musical instruments" Jason said, scoffing, leaning back and crossing his arms. "Guys, guys," Anna said, trying to interrupt. "Elves are way cooler than humans, you just don't know shit cause you never read a good fantasy book in your life," Ashley said, "Why don't you try going outside your genre circlejerk once in a while, you literary snob?" "Go Baron Von Fuck yourself," Jason snapped back, as Anna started shouting now to get their attention. "GUYS!" she yelled, "Guys, come on. We're not gonna get anywhere if we don't get through the goddamned introduction, okay? I know, this isn't the thing we usually do, and I know things aren't perfect, okay, but let's just try and have a good time. We've been doing so well, getting together as a real family, don't let some goofy ass names ruin that." "Are...are your family game nights ALWAYS like this?" Sarah asked, leaning into Becca, whispering. "Yeah, basically," they replied, as Anna continued with her impassioned speech. "So we all need to just calm down, exhale and just get on with this thing, alright? Remember the last time you guys had family game night? Ashley came home and said it was one of the single most memorable nights of her life, because you all recognized what a good, healthy family dynamic you had begun to cultivate, so why ruin that over some stupid fantasy names? Let's just get this started." "Anna's right," Jason said, "I'm sorry. Ashley, thank you for doing all this work. It must've been exhausting looking through your closet for things to name characters after." "You are SUCH a dick," Ashley said, as Anna giggled and held up a paper, clearing her throat. "Now, allow me to read to you the campaign concept," Anna said, "Years ago, a fire Wyrm named Glave ached for power. Considering himself the best, strongest of his kind, he destroyed all the other types of dragons in the world, and then went on to begin to destroy and overtake the areas surrounding his own. With each city that crumbled beneath his mighty strength, he grew more and more intense with his lust for destruction. Soon, each race began to secretly meet to discuss what could be done, and it was decided that one of each race would form a party and go destroy his kingdoms, one by one, until they reached, and destroyed the great Wyrm himself. Each with their own abilities, skills and assets, this unlikely troupe would fight to the finish, even if it killed them, because the world depended on it." "If it killed them, then wouldn't they have failed?" Becca asked, as everyone glared at them and they shrugged, "Sorry, sorry, geez." "So that's the deal, guys. That's what we're working with here. Giant fire wyrm is destroying the world so you have to fight his armies until you can reach him and destroy him, thus returning peace to the land you live on," Anna said, "So, who would like to begin?" "I guess I will," Sarah said, sitting up and sighing. "Alright, let me set the mood," Anna said, coughing and reading from the stack of paper, "You've come from the last meeting of the races with an anger about you; a palpable frustration fills the cavern you find yourselves in, being forced to work together when you don't even like one another, to save a world that doesn't respect you one bit? It must be a joke. But, this is what fate has dealt, and so you all realize you must put your egos aside and at least try and save the world, to save yourselves." "Oh my goood," Jason sighed, rubbing his forehead, "This is going to be SUCH a long game."
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Family Game Night follows the Fuller family, a (possibly too) tight knit family who meet every Thursday night to play board games...and air their dirty laundry. Archives
March 2019
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