The entire family had given up some secrets, things they'd been sorry for, but none had come close to what Jason had just admitted. Everyone stared at him, in absolute shock, their jaws nearly touching the floor. Anna had her hand to her mouth, her eyes brimming with tears as she backed away from him, unsure of what words she could even manage to get out of her throat.
"Wow," Carl finally said, "Wow, you're a real piece of shit." *** 1 HOUR EARLIER "This is a terrible idea," Carl said, "I'm telling you, you don't wanna do this. After the last few game nights, especially." "How can you be a family if you don't grow together, and learn and trust one another?" Harold asked, as he sat at the kitchen table with Carl, the both of them eating cookies from a package on the table. Harold put a cookie in his mouth and kept talking, "We've got to keep growing, until we die, otherwise we aren't really growing at all. People use the term 'growing up' but they figure they're done growing up once they've grown up to a point in which they're content with. You never stop growing up though. That's why I'm doing this. So that each one of us can look inside of ourselves and admit something we're sorry about." "Dad," Carl said, sitting forward, arms crossed on the table, "...dad, I really admire you, I do. You're an intelligent man, you're well educated, you're insightful, but trust me when I say this, and I do say it with the upmost respect, this is a fucking stupid idea and you're a fucking idiot if you do this." Harold laughed and opened his bottle of carrot juice, taking a swig, "Carl, I understand your reservations, but this is how things are gonna be tonight. It can't go too poorly." "I bet that's what Napoleon said," Carl said. *** Jason was driving, Anna in the passenger, neither one saying a word. Neither one had actually spoken much to the other in the last week. They'd put on a nice face for Belle, but when she wasn't around, when she was at school or asleep, things were just quiet and discomforting, if not sometimes downright rude. Jason wanted to apologize for how he'd been lately, the guilt had been eating him up inside, and Anna couldn't get his sister out of her head. The way she'd kissed her in the bathroom, the way she'd tasted and smelled...she was hooked on her. "What's the game tonight?" Anna finally asked, looking out her window while she spoke. "It's Sorry," Jason said, "...a little too on the nose if you ask me, but hey, that's dad for you. Not a man for subtlety." Anna did crack a bit of a smirk at that, but then just as quickly wiped it away, looking out at the cars around them. They came to a red light, and Jason tapped on the steering wheel with his fingers to some tune she didn't recognize. After a moment, Jason looked over at her and realized she was staring at him. "What?" he asked. "...when you asked me to marry you, did you actually love me, or was it just something you needed to do before your siblings did?" Anna asked, and Jason was actually somewhat surprised at her tone. She'd been mean before, sure, he'd seen her utterly pissed, but this was different. This was...cold. "Of course I loved you, I still love you. See, this is exactly why I wanted to stop coming to this thing. Look at what it's doing to us. We used to be best friends, Anna, and in the span of a few short weeks, everything's changed. We don't talk anymore. Hell, we hardly look at one another." "...who're you trying to convince, exactly?" Anna asked, and then looked away from him again. *** Carl and Harold were setting up the board, Carl the entire time just casting doubts on this entire idea, but Harold wasn't having any of it. As Carl placed the last piece at the 'start' line and then set the dice in the middle of the board, he sighed and looked at his father again, who was putting the game box on the floor beside the table. "Dad, seriously, please listen to me, you don't-" "Alright, Disparaging Dora, I've had it-" "Disparaging Dora?" Carl repeated. "-with your attitude tonight. Nobody in this family ever actually talks about something unless they're fighting about it, that's what this is aiming to change. Your sister showing up here with that woman was shocking, only because she'd never talked about it before. Your mother and I would've gladly talked to her about who she was and who she loved, but I guess she just thought we might take it poorly, which I understand, a lot of parents sadly do. But that's the thing, nobody talks to anyone. I'm going to change that with tonights game. We're going to fucking talk, god dammit." It was one of the rare times Carl had actually heard his father openly curse like that. "You can't talk to your children except under the ruse of a board game?" Carl asked, realizing he was opening up a whole world of problems, "Why is it on the children to initiate conversation? Why can't you guys call Ashley up and be like 'Hi there, we'd like to talk to you, anything going on in your life you want us to know?'. Cause it seems like a pretty one sided relationship if you expect us to do all the work." Harold was staring at Carl now, not saying a word, chewing on the inside of his cheek. After a few moments, Harold put the box for the game down on the table and walked over to him. He put his hands on his sons shoulders, looked in his eyes and said, "You're right. It shouldn't just be on you guys. I'm sorry." Carl wasn't expecting that. Just then the front door swung open and Ashley came in, wearing a skirt, and a light blue blouse with the collar buttoned up. She was pulling her hair back in a ponytail when she approached the living room as Betty came out from the kitchen, holding some beers. "Hi mom," Ashley said. "Hello dear," Betty said. Betty handed one beer to Harold and then opened the other for herself. Carl looked back between the two of them and shrugged as Betty sat down in the chair beside Harold. "Where's MY beer? What about me?" Carl asked. "What ABOUT you?" Betty replied, finishing her sip. "Jason's not here yet?" Ashley asked, walking past Carl, touching his shoulder and taking a seat on the couch, pulling out her cell phone, unlocking it. Carl shook his head in response to her question and then headed into the kitchen for his own beer. "So," Harold said, "I was just telling your brother that-" And then Jason and Anna entered, Anna coming in a few steps behind Jason, looking clearly pissed off. As they came in, and Anna took her seat next to Ashley, the two of them flashing a quick smile to one another. Jason took his seat in a chair and crossed his arms, putting his feet up on the ottoman. "Jason, Anna, I was just about to tell Ashley what I'd already told Carl. Tonights game is going to be a bit different. The last few game nights we're been arguing a lot, and I figured tonight we'd bypass all of that and play Sorry, and for each turn, we'd have to admit something we're sorry about. So, that's how things are going to be tonight, any objections?" Harold asked. "No, I'm sure we'll have no problems finding things to be sorry for, knowing this family," Ashley said. Carl came back in and handed Jason a beer, which made him smile and thank him, and then took his seat on the other side of Ashley. Harold took the dice, sat down and rolled. He moved a few spaces and then sighed, crossing his arms. "My first apology is to everyone," he said, "When you kids went to Aunt Gales, I took Picnic to be put down. She was in a lot of pain, and it just wasn't fair for her. I know you kids were really sad, and I'm sorry I said she'd just died instead of telling you the truth, but you were kids, and I didn't want you to hate me because of it. I'd had that dog for years, and I was devastated, believe me, it was a LOT harder for me than it was for you kids. For that, I'm sorry," "You had a dog named Picnic?" Anna asked Ashley. "Don't blame me," Ashley said, thumbing at Carl, who shrugged. "It was a good word! It sounded like a cute name! Doesn't it sound a little feminine?" Carl asked, and Jason waited a second and then nodded. "Yeah, yeah I can see that," Jason said, sitting up, "You know, in foreign countries they give words genders. Germany especially. Tables, chairs, whatever. Female chairs. Male tables. We're the only culture that doesn't do it outright, but we still do it. We gender colors, like how 'pink' is somehow associated with women. Pink's a color, folks, not a gender." "I can't believe you put Picnic down, but I guess I can see how it would hurt you," Carl said, "I forgive you dad, and I'm sorry you had to go through that." Jason leaned forward and took the dice and rolled, moved his spaces and then sat back and sipped his beer while thinking. After a few moments, he smiled and sat back upright. "Alright," he said, "Ashley, when we were in high school, I took your floral knee length skirt to give to a girl I liked. I told her I bought it at a fancy boutique and she loved me for it. So, for that I'm sorry." "Wow," Anna said, "So you've always been kind of despicable." "I was in high school!" Jason said, half laughing, "I mean, come on, nobody is good in high school. That's the peak of shitty human essence." "He's not wrong," Carl said. "I loved that skirt," Ashley mumbled, "I went crazy looking for it...especially in the last year." "You were STILL looking for it?" Jason asked. "I was coming over constantly last year looking in the attic and stuff for it. The girl I got it from as a gift died, and I wanted to wear it to her funeral," Ashley continued to mumble, "So yeah...it was kind of important. She was my first serious crush." Suddenly all eyes were on Jason, as his smile died and he looked actually horrified at how his actions had affected his sister. "Ash, I....I'm really sorry," Jason finally said, "I didn't..." "Just shut up Jason," Ashley said as Carl took the dice and looked at their father. "Good idea, dad," Carl said dryly, before rolling and moving his spaces. He waited a few seconds, and then thought for a moment before exhaling and looking at Ashley. "Oh god," Ashley said, "Did everyone screw me over growing up!?" "Ashley, when we in middle school," Carl started, "...uh...you...some of your clothes went missing, remember?" "What, you give them away to some girl too?" Ashley asked. "No, I...I was taking them but not to give them to someone...I was...using them for myself. I was...questioning a lot of stuff because I wasn't fitting in and feeling comfortable with who I was, and so I was...I would dress up when I was home alone and see if that made me feel more normal. It helped, a little, but it didn't fix anything. I guess I'm just sort of in between. Anyway, I'm why you were missing some stuff from time to time, and I'm sorry." Nobody said a word. After a moment, Ashley got up, walked over to where Carl was sitting and hugged him, patting his back, whispering into his ear, "I am so proud of you. You can talk to me anytime about any of this, ok?" Carl nodded, smiled and Ashley went to sit back down. As she did, she took the dice and rolled, took her spaces and then sat back for a few minutes, thinking about what she might have to apologize for. After a few minutes, she sighed, rubbed her forehead and took a deep breath. "I have to apologize to myself," she finally said, "For not...being myself, for far too long. I've always tried to be nice to you guys, so I really don't have much to apologize." "What about the time we filled Jasons car with crabs?" Carl asked, and Ashley laughed. "That was you guys?!" Jason shouted, standing up, "You know what, I'm not sorry for your stupid skirt. That car was brand new, it was my first car, and my date that weekend complained endlessly about the fish smell. I'm sure that's why she didn't go out with me again." Anna took the dice and rolled, moved her spaces and looked at Jason, "I'm sorry Jason. I'm sorry that when we were first dating, I actually tried not to get to know your family because I didn't want things to get too serious too fast. Now I'm glad I failed because your family is great, you on the other hand..." Everyone looked from Anna to Jason, like dogs watching a stick being thrown back and forth. "Well, Anna, I'm sorry that right after Belle was born, that I was gone a lot, 'working' extra hours. Truth is, I didn't know how to take care of a child and figured you'd be fine doing it yourself," Jason replied, fire in his voice, "I know I've been kind of a shitty husband, so I'm sorry." "I'm sorry that I keep myself looking good when honestly it's exhausting trying to be pretty in this society all for a guy who doesn't seem to give a shit anymore," Anna said, "I'm sorry I'm not just model gorgeous for you." "I'm sorry I slept with your sister!" Jason screamed, and that stopped everything. Anna and Ashley waited a second, looked at one another and Ashley shook her head. Anna didn't respond, she just got up and walked out the front door. Ashley stood up, and passing by Jason muttered, "You're a real fucking asshole" as she went after his wife. Jason sat down, breathing hard, before starting to cry. "I...actually AM sorry, that's what sucks. I didn't just say it to hurt anyone," he managed to say, as Carl patted his shoulder. Outside on the front porch, Anna was sitting on the porch swing when Ashley came out and sat down beside her. "...are you ok?" Ashley asked. "I asked him to stop making us come to these a few weeks ago. I'm glad he refused. This would've have come out if he had refused. I...I'm glad this happened, because now things are a lot clearer for me," Anna said, "He and I haven't gotten along for a while. I feel like this was what I needed, something concrete to really...to just sort of force my decisions." "Anna," Ashley said, "I know I shouldn't defend him, I know the whole 'but he's my family' shit is trite and overplayed, but he didn't used to be this way. I mean he was always kind of a jerk, but what guy isn't, especially a brother, right? But...I feel like he's...I don't know...in a lot of pain or something. That being said, his pain is not YOUR responsibility, just because you're married. You're your own person, and-" "I don't want to go home tonight," Anna said, "Can I-" "Yeah, you can, for sure," Ashley said, pushing Annas bangs from her face and then leaning in, kissing her quickly. Meanwhile, inside, Betty had gone to make dinner while Jason, Carl and Harold were sitting in silence, confused, unsure of what to say, and annoyed at not having finished the game. After a few seconds, Harold stood up and looked at the floor. "You were right, Carl. I'm sorry everyone," he said, before heading up the stairs without even looking at anyone, off into the bedroom. They heard the bedroom door shut. Carl looked at Jason, and shrugged. "What happened, man?" Carl asked. "...I have no excuse, there IS no excuse for doing what I did. People say like 'oh, I was scared of being a new father!' or whatever, the responsibility and shit being too much to bear, but...there's nothing real, there's no excuse. What I did was unforgivable, I at least recognize that," Jason said, "...it's probably over between us. Things haven't been good for a while now, and this was probably the nail in the coffin." "...Jason," Carl said, "...it might not be, sort of...I don't know, solid advice but, have you tried just not being a piece of shit?" Jason chuckled a little and looked at his brother, sitting cross legged on the floor in front of them. "You're a better person than I am, Carl, and that I think is what bothers me most. You're my younger brother, but you know more than I do, and you know who you really are, and...you're a better person than I am." A moment passed and they looked at the board. "Wanna finish?" Carl asked, and Jason nodded, the two of them each taking a side and continuing the game. *** When they all went to their respective places that night Jason going home alone, Anna going home with Ashley, Carl found himself sitting in the kitchen eating a sandwich when Betty came down and sat across from him at the table. Carl stopped chewing and looked up at her. "Yeah?" Carl asked. "Do you want to talk? About you?" Betty asked, "...my brother, your Uncle Remus, he...he wanted what you talked about. He was too scared to take it, because at that point in time it was just...not done as much. I just want you to know, Carl, that if you ever want to be who you feel you are, that your father and I accept that. I will always love you, if you're my son, or my daughter or whoever you are, okay?" Carl had to hold back tears as he set his sandwich down and then wiped his eyes on his shirt sleeve before exhaling and looking at his mother. "You guys are pretty great parents," Carl said, "I'm sorry if we never admitted that growing up, but we were pretty lucky." Betty smiled, stood up and kissed the top of his head, then headed off to bed. Carl finished his sandwich, then headed upstairs to his bedroom. He shut the door behind him, locked it and opened his closet door. In the very back, behind some backpacks was a pile of clothes. Dresses, skirts, whatever. He took out his favorite, one of the dresses with sunflowers on it and smiled. He undressed, pulled the dress on over his head and climbed into bed. He got his hairbrush off his nightstand, brushed his hair out and then laid down, smiling at the glow in the dark ceiling stars he'd put up years ago. Family Game Night might be destroying the rest of them, but it was saving him. And with that in mind, he drifted off to sleep.
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Family Game Night follows the Fuller family, a (possibly too) tight knit family who meet every Thursday night to play board games...and air their dirty laundry. Archives
March 2019
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