"There's a distinct difference between board games and anything else, that's why we don't play things like dominoes or backgammon or anything with anything other than a board," Harold said, "So the next time you ask why we don't play something other than a board game, maybe think before you speak you ungrateful little shits."
Carl and Ashley were sitting at the kitchen island, Ashley with half a chicken wing out of her mouth. "Jeez, I just asked a question, excuse me," Carl said, wearing a light blue sleeved blouse and a black floral skirt, "I just...there's other kinds of games, so why limit ourselves to one type of game?" "Carl's right," Ashley said, "We should just try and go outside our comfort zone, even if for one evening." "You know what happens when someone goes outside their comfort zone? People get hurt. I had a friend in college, Brian Turner, and he was a complete introvert and he had this girlfriend once who told him that he just needed to get out into the world and see it, experience it, to really visualize how beautiful it all really was, show him what it was he was truly missing. So, she took him driving on a road trip, living out of her camper and everything, and one morning he's brushing his teeth outside, and this Komodo Dragon comes up, grabs his ankle and drags him off. Ate his face right there in the desert. Do you wanna die like Brian Turner? Cause that's what happens when you leave your comfort zone, Komodo Dragons eat your face." "...there's no Brian Turner is there?" Carl asked. "We're ALL Brian Turner, Carl, that's the moral!" Harold said loudly, throwing his arms into the air. "Is he using that Brian Turner story on you guys?" Betty asked, coming into the kitchen, drinking a bottle of carrot juice, "He's used that on so many people just to 'prove a point'. He used it on our insurance agent last year when he was trying to explain what happened when 'Brian' went with a different insurance agency, and how important our agent actually is. Brian's more important than any of you kids, let me just clue you in on that. Brian has lived a more interesting life than any of you kids. You will NEVER be as loved as Brian Turner." "Brian Turner isn't even real," Carl said, "How am I supposed to compete with someone who isn't real? That's not fair." "I'll kick Brian Turners bitch ass," Ashley said, dropping her chicken wing bones and licking her fingers, "I'll kick YOUR ass, dad, if you ever bring him up again." "Don't kick your fathers ass, dear," Betty said, putting her carrot juice back into the fridge. "Well let's kick SOMEBODY'S ass," Carl said, "I'm in a brawlin' mood. Fuck this game night shit." "Family Fight Night," Ashley said, starting into another chicken wing. "As much as I am impressed by your entrepreneurial modesty, I don't think that would go well," Harold said, "Besides, your mother would kick all of our asses. She took Karate for years. Don't fight your mother, seriously, that's coming from experience." "Damn mom, you scary," Ashley said. "You ever wonder what other families talk about?" Carl asked. *** Jason pulled up in the driveway, Anna in the passenger seat, brushing her hair. He exhaled, both hands gripping the steering wheel firmly. He glanced over at Anna, who looked at him and shrugged. Jason just sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I...don't know how to face them anymore," he finally said, "I want to be a better person, but I feel like everyone goes out of their way to upset me. I'm trying to be better." "I know you are," Anna said. "How do you DO it? Not you specifically, but the proverbial you. How does one just...BE a good person? It feels like it takes so much effort, you know? I want to be supportive of Carl, even if I don't understand it well, but do I call them by Carl or do I call them by some other name? And then there's you and Ashley...I'm not even touching that one with a ten foot pole right now. Hate is easy. That I understand. Being angry comes naturally to me, but...being good, being nice..." "I understand," Anna said, setting her hair brush back into her purse, "But you have to ask yourself WHY is anger and hate so easy for you? You have a good job, and despite what's going on between us, we have a wonderful daughter and your family is really solid. So what is it that's making you so angry?" "I don't know, and that's even MORE frustrating!" Jason said loudly, clearly annoyed, "Is it just because I'm a straight, white male? Is that simply enough for being angry? We normalized the world to work for ourselves, oppressed everyone else and now that things are changing, we feel threatened because we recognize we might lose 'power', but it's not power, it's just this idea of power, and power should be available to everyone. Everybody matters. Everyone is a human being. But I don't think that's MY reason, and if it IS, that's...that...sucks." "You're trying, and that's enough for right now, okay? So come on, let's just go inside and play a nice game," Anna said, smiling warmly, resting one hand on his shoulder. *** "So let me get this straight," Ashley said, staring in disbelief at the game board in front of them, "Every week hasn't been enough fighting for you, but now you want us to play Monopoly? Mom, does dad hate us?" "It's possible," Betty said, sitting on the couch and eating a piece of celery. "Monopoly is a classic," Harold said, "It's just gotten a bad wrap over the years." "No, you know what's gotten a bad wrap? Rap music. Violent movies. Video games. But this...I have looked into the eyes of hell, and let me tell you, Monopoly IS pure evil," Carl said. "Monopoly is a totally fine game that's been ruined by the poor team cooperation of bad families. We are not a bad family, we can handle this," Harold said. "We can't even handle Hungry, Hungry Hippos," Carl replied. "Okay, you know what, you named your band in high school Painkiller Picnic, so you don't have any right to say what is or isn't acceptable," Ashley said, "Despite that, I agree with Carl. This is a terrible idea. Look at the last few game nights, we've literally gotten into physical altercations-" "Told you we should just fight eachother," Carl said. "-and you think 'hey kids, you know what'll stop all this fighting? a family game of Monopoly!', like, I say this with the upmost respect because you're my father and I love you, but you're a horrible human being and Brian Turner would be ashamed of you right now," Ashley finished. "We are going to sit down and play Monopoly, and if any of you have a problem with it, I will write you out of my will," Harold said. "I'm in the will?" Carl asked. "Keep complaining and you'll never find out," Harold said, "Now sit down." The front door swung open and Jason and Anna waltzed in, taking their coats off. "What's going on?" Jason asked. "Monopoly," Carl & Ashley said in unison. "Dad, seriously, the fuck?" Jason asked, as he and Anna sat down, Anna seating herself beside Ashley. "How am I going to win this game? I'm not even good with REAL money," Carl said, and Jason laughed, as Carl turned to sneer at him, "Okay, you wanna make a bet, Mr. 401k? How about you put your money where your mouth is." "Gladly," Jason replied. "Thank god, maybe since his mouth is now an object, he won't talk so much," Ashley said. "Hey! There will be no low stakes betting under my roof!" Harold said loudly, "You only go hard or go home here, okay?" As Anna took her seat, Ashley touched her shoulder and Anna looked behind her at Ashley, smiling. Ashley nodded her head towards the kitchen, and so she helped Anna up from her seat and the two of them headed into the kitchen for a moment of privacy. Ashley sat down at the island, and Anna sat on the other side. "So..." Ashley said, clearing her throat and pulling her hair back into a bun, "...I've never done this before, and I know it might not be the right time but I was just...I was thinking that...if things are uncomfortable and stuff and you want to make this transitional period easier, you could...move in with me?" "I could?" Anna asked, blushing, surprised. "Yeah," Ashley said, beaming nervously, "Yeah, uh, I mean, obviously you could. I mean..." Ashley took a long, deep breath and looked Anna dead straight in the eyes. "I love you," she said, "And I've rarely ever said that, but it's true. I know it's weird cause you're still with my brother and you guys will be getting divorced and it might be messy, but I...I've been in love with you since the first time I ever saw you. I really...I cannot believe how lucky I am to even be having this conversation with you right now, it seems so completely unreal. Anyway...uh...yeah, the option's there if you want it." "...I love you too," Anna said, and Ashley felt tears well up in her eyes as Anna continued, "I always used to joke with Jason about it, like 'heh, your sister, she's cool and pretty hot' and stuff, but...you've been so much better to me than anyone I've ever met, Jason included. I can't believe I get this lucky to have two people, from the same family even, love me. It makes up for my own family not wanting me in any capacity. If you really will let me, and think it'll work, then yes, of course I'll move in with you." Ashley didn't know what to say, so Anna took the opportunity to lean across the table and kiss her, with a sense of real longing and passion that Ashley had never gotten from another woman kissing her before. After it broke, Anna smiled, stood up and headed back to the living room, Ashley in tow. They sat down beside one another, and Jason and Anna smiled at one another. "So, as an aside to your earlier story, what would've happened to Brian Turner after the Komodo Dragon attack? Did he survive, and if so, how did he survive without a face? He couldn't have had a facial transplant or anything grafted on, especially when it was when you guys were in college. That technology at that time was rather minimal," Carl asked, "So what's the next leap in the Brian Turner saga?" "Brian Turner would've persevered, thank you very much," Harold said joyfully, "He would've moved on with his life, been left by his shallow faux worldly girlfriend and met a new, truly open minded love in David from Spain. Together they would live a happy, fulfilling life together, enriching all of those around them." "That's beautiful dad," Ashley said. "It doesn't matter, he's not real," Harold said, "That's the thing about Brian Turner. Any one of us can be Brian Turner. He's an analogy for not trying, for not believing in yourself, for not taking chances. For not being you. That's why we can't play anything besides board games, because it'd feel like my face was being ripped off and eaten by Komodo Dragons." "I guess I could see that," Carl said, "And I'm sorry for suggesting it if that's the case." "Would you love me more if I changed my name to Brian Turner?" Ashley asked. "Honey please," Harold said, smirking, "Where did you ever get the idea that I loved you?" Ashley laughed and Harold patted her back from the side of the table. "I guess in that sense, I could be Brian Turner," Jason said solemnly, "I mean...I'm afraid of everything changing around me, of discovering things about myself, and learning more about the world. In a sense, I am Brian Turner. I'm afraid to take that leap because of the consequences, but I am trying. I'm, in a way, better than Brian Turner, and that says loads." "That's the spirit, see, Jason gets it," Harold said. "Maybe then, if that's the case, I really COULD win this bet," Carl said, and Jason furrowed his brow. *** As midnight approached, Jason and Carl were deep in it, and Carl was actually winning, much to everyones surprise. Anna had been knocked out and was resting her head on Ashley's shoulder, watching her struggle to stay in, along with Betty, who too was on the verge of bankruptcy. "So what do I get when I inevitably triumph over you?" Carl asked. "You're gonna get a swift fuckin kick in the-" Jason started, before Ashley interrupted. "I think you should pay Carl a thousand dollars," she said, "That'd more than make up for your disparaging remarks a few weeks prior." "Fine, you want a thousand dollars? I'll do one more than that. I'll sell my car," Jason said, and everyone gasped, but he continued, "And I'll give you the bluebook value. So, even if it doesn't sell for that, I'll pay the difference and give you all of it, how's that?" "I like this restitution stuff," Carl said, chuckling. "I think Carl's gonna win, to be honest," Ashley said and even Harold nodded solemnly. "How're you doing so much better than me!? You can't even do well financially in real life! How're you doing so well with fake money?!" Jason shouted, "This is ridiculous! Just once can I win a Family Game Night please!?" "Not with that bitch ass attitude," Carl said. "They've already got you outbanked, that's for damn sure," Anna remarked, "You're not gonna have much money to buy anything, especially if it comes down to just the two of you, because if they're the only one left then they're the only one able to land on your property and pay you, and that's just not enough to live off of." "Good, it's what you deserve," Carl said. "I really can't do anything right, I cannot be successful at all," Jason muttered, "Losing my car, my game night, my wife. Christ." Just then all the lights in the house went out. Everyone looked around for a moment, and then there was the sound of something knocking at the glass back door. Everyones necks snapped in that direction, terrified. Harold got up and grabbed a flashlight from out of the end table by the couch. "Everyone stay put and be quiet, I'll take care of this," he said, before heading down the long hall towards the back door. He opened the door, stepped outside and turned the flashlight on. A few moments went by and nothing. Carl and Jason exchanged nervous glances, and Ashley held onto Anna tightly, just in case. And then...Harold ran into the house, his right hand missing and blood squirting out of it onto his shirt, staining across the floor. Everyone screamed on demand at the sight as their father dropped to the floor and didn't move. Anna buried her face into Ashley's neck as Jason and Carl clung to eachother tightly, as Betty stood up and broke a beer bottle on the end of the coffee table, and just then, from the darkness of the hall came a man, his face looking scratched and bloodied, like something had tried to eat him. He stood, towering over them all, and then pointed down at their father, his voice low and gravely. "That's why you believe in yourselves, because if you don't...your dads dead friend will come back and murder your father," he said, and that's when Ashley put her hand to her face. "Oh jesus christ," she muttered, as the lights snapped back on and Harold stood up, taking the fake arm off of him, revealing himself to be perfectly fine. He and the man started laughing, hugging. "Kids, this is my friend Martin, from the college. Or, for tonight, you may call him Brian Turner," Harold said. "Dad, what the fuck?!" Carl screamed. "You sick son of a bitch!" Jason chimed in. "Mom, dad's scarring us psychologically!" Ashley said. "Don't I know it..." Betty said, sitting back down. *** As everyone exited the house, Ashley and Anna got on Ashley's scooter, while Jason pushed his car keys into Carl's hands. Carl got into Jason's car, started it up and pulled out of the driveway, all of them leaving Jason alone in the driveway, his hands in his pants pockets. Jason felt a hand on his shoulder and looked to see Martin, Brian Turner, standing beside him, still in costume. "Rough night huh?" he asked, and Jason shook his head. "Fuck off Brian Turner," Jason said, as he started walking home.
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Family Game Night follows the Fuller family, a (possibly too) tight knit family who meet every Thursday night to play board games...and air their dirty laundry. Archives
March 2019
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