Carol was sitting by herself in the lunch room, slowly sipping her apple juice, her eyes staring directly down at the table and nowhere else. If anyone were to look at her for even more than half a second, they'd find it very easy to notice she was lost in deep thought about something, but what? So she sat and drank and thought. Boris sat down with her, his lunch tray filled with food. He sighed and picked up his fork, slowly poking at the food in front of him.
"At least they feed us well," Boris said, "I've heard horror stories about other nursing homes. It's awful, some of the shit those poor people are forced to eat." "I remember the slop they tried to feed us in elementary school," Carol said, half smiling, "My parents could afford to send me to school everyday with a lunch, we were better off than other families, but some of my friends, the crap the school provided to them, oh, it was vile, Boris. Absolutely vile." "I can't believe, now that I'm as old as I am, that I cared so much about where to eat as a young person. That it had to be hip, have atmosphere, all that bullshit. It's food. It's something that's going to end up in my toilet. Why the fuck should I care as long as it tastes halfway decent? It's not like I'm there to make friends or some shit! I'm there to stuff my face." "That's the spirit!" Carol said, laughing, touching his arm. As Boris started eating, Carol sighed and looked around at everyone in the lunchroom, and then back at Boris, realizing she was very lucky to have him as a friend. Sure, he was grumpy and kind of a snob, but he was honest, he was kind to her, he respected her. Carol finished her juice and looked back down at the table. "...did you read the paper?" she asked. "Nah, haven't gotten to it yet. Had to do some physical fitness stuff this morning, keep me limber, all that crap," Boris said, "Anything interesting?" "Just the usual. You know, government screwing its own citizens for the sake of its own survival, big CGI blockbusters outdoing one another at the box office dumbing down the masses while well made thought provoking film is left to rot, same ol' same ol'." "Sounds riveting," Boris said, shoving salad into his mouth. "...there was this story of this high school girl, a sophomore; great student, straight a's, extracurricular activities out the wazoo, all that jazz. She got hooked on pain medication because of a lacrosse injury she got playing for the school team, and she overdosed on them." "Jesus," Boris said, swallowing and picking up his drink. "...I knew her," Carol said softly. "Yeah? Relative? Kid of a friend?" "No, she just came here a few times, doing after school stuff for college applications," Carol said, "She'd come in, read to me a little, we'd talk about school, that sort of stuff." "That stinks Carol, I'm sorry," Boris said, patting her back, "It hurts losing people you know especially this late in the game when it gets so much harder to make new friends." "I killed her," Carol said coldly, and Boris looked at her as Carol lifted her gaze from the table and their eyes locked. "W...what?" he asked. "They were my pills. I sold them to her," Carol said, "I killed her." *** "God, I don't know how you do it," Carol said, leafing through Lexa's essays as the two sat at Carols desk in her room, "I never did this well in school, I didn't have the energy, and I tried pretty damn hard. You're so determined. It's nice to see." "Well," Lexa said, pushing hair behind her ear and blushing, "I get so little sleep, I stay up just trying to make sure my schoolwork is just perfect. They push us so hard, you know? It's not enough to get up at 6 in the morning, but then they give you so much work you have to stay up until about 3, so you get 3 hours, and that's if you don't have insomnia, which thankfully I don't, but still. I know some girls who drink coffee nonstop and stay up all night every week and sleep all through the weekend." "That's disgusting," Carol said, shaking her head, "Something about the school system has to change." "It'll all be worth it when I get into college," Lexa said, "I'm so excited." "I used to be like that," Carol said, laughing, "God. I was so excited for every single upcoming thing in my life, always looking forward to the next adventure. Could never enjoy what was in the moment because I was so preoccupied with what came after." The girls laughed, and Lexa started packing up. As she stood up, she stumbled a bit and hissed in pain, grabbing at her ankle as she sat on the bed. Carol looked at her, confused. "Are you alright, dear?" she asked. "I hurt my ankle during my last lacrosse game," Lexa said, "It's still stinging, and I don't have the time to take off school to go to the doctors and get it really looked at, and plus I need the physical credit to maintain my GPA." "You don't have anything to deal with the pain?" Carol asked, and Lexa shook her head, so Carol opened her desk drawer and pulled out a pill calendar and opened it, pulling three light blue pills out and putting them in Lexas hand, shutting it around them and smiling. "What...what is this?" Lexa asked. "It'll help with the pain," Carol said. "I can't just take something, let me at least pay you," Lexa said. "Oh, you don't have to-" "No, I...I'd feel guilty otherwise," Lexa said, opening her purse. "Well, if you insist," Carol said, the two of them laughing. *** "Come again?" Boris asked as Carol buried her face in her hands, weaving her fingers through her dyed brown hair. "I killed her," she whispered, "They came from me. The pills she died on came from me. I'm responsible." "Jesus christ," Boris said, setting his fork down, wiping his mouth and turning to face her, lowering his voice now, "What...what are you going to do? I mean, are you going to tell anyone, or-" "Are you CRAZY!?" Carol hissed, "That is not an option, Boris. I could get in major trouble if I came forward. There's no paper trail, no evidence linking me to her, so nobody will ever know anything. For all a coroner could know, she could've gotten those pills from a friends grandparents or a medicine cabinet somewhere or who knows." "Carol, you killed a kid," Boris whispered, "You have to take responsibility for that!" "I didn't mean to!" Carol said, "God knows, I never...she was so talented, she had such a bright future...she-" "You don't know that," Boris said. "...wh...what?" "You don't know she had a bright future. Nobody is guaranteed a bright future, good student or not. Look at all the talented people who wind up in obscurity. No, you have the idea she had a bright future, but for all you know, she might've wound up somewhere else, somewhere worse. She might've ended up an alcoholic, or hooked on some other drug, or pregnant and abandoned." "Boris, I knew the girl, she was smart, she was dedicated, she-" "Because she was young, but let's look at her in 15 years, when she's out of college...look at the state the world is in for young people, alright? No jobs for anyone even with high end college degrees, they're all renting, if they can afford that, or living at home still, so many don't even drive. You don't know where she would've ended up once the school life was over, okay?" Boris had a point, Carol realized; so many "smart and bright" students were left to rot once they burned out or were found not to be financially dependable to their parents. Nowadays to get a retail job as a cashier you needed 15 years experience even if you were only 23. Maybe Carol had saved this girl in some twisted way from having learned life is unjust and cruel. Maybe Lexa had lived the best part of her life already, and things were about to get very, very bad. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. *** Carol was fast asleep, it was almost 3 in the morning. She slowly woke, tasting something awful in her mouth, realizing she needed some water. Carol got up and headed to the bathroom in her room and turned on the faucet, grabbed a paper cup and filled it, drinking it when she heard a tapping coming from somewhere. As she turned to find it, she noticed Lexa was standing outside her bedroom window. Carol threw the cup away and walked to the window, unlatching it. "Lexa?" she asked groggily, "What're you doing here?" "I'm in so much pain," Lexa said, "I could barely drive here, the pressure on my ankle on the gas pedal, it was so painful. I need more medicine." "I don't have any," Carol said, "I'm waiting to get it refilled. I only have two and those are for my own hip pain." "Carol, please, please, I hurt so much," Lexa said, near tears, "You don't...I am under so much pressure to play in this weekends upcoming game and I need to make sure I can do it. After that I will deal with it and go to a doctor and actually get something done about this, but I hurt so much." "....Lexa, I'm sorry, I-" "I'll give you 1500 dollars for the two of them." "...what?" "1500." "Where did you even-" "I have two part time jobs, okay," Lexa said, "I've been saving for months, please. Carol, I'm so sorry to have to put you in this position, but I am in so much pain, you should know what that's like to live with. Seriously. I can't even sleep anymore because it hurts all night long. I just want to not hurt for like, another two days, and then it's spring break and I'll have time off to see a doctor and-" "....alright, okay, sure," Carol said, walking to her desk and getting the last two pain pills she had. She walked back to the window and looked at Lexa, "Promise me you will see someone about your ankle after this, okay?" "I do, I promise, I don't want to be doing this, especially to you." Carol smiled and handed her the two pills, "You're a good kid, Lexa. I hope this helps." And as Lexa turned and headed back to her car in the darkness, Carol had a feeling that would be the last time she'd ever see her. *** "Wait wait wait," Boris said, "Two pills?" "....yeah, so?" "You can't overdose on two pills, I'm sorry, I don't care how strong they are." "But....but why-" "From the way you've described this girl, it seems like she was overworked and hyperfocused, not a good combination, so maybe she killed herself." "It said she overdosed," Carol said. "That could've been on anything," Boris said, "But I'm telling you, two pills ain't gonna do shit, Carol, trust me, as a former drug addict." Just then Burt came by holding a stack of papers. "Mail's here," he said, handing Boris a few magazines and a newspaper, and then Carol a single envelope before heading on his way. "Goddammit, how did I get on the fucking pottery barn mailing list?!" Boris shouted, standing up, "Who did this!? Alice?! Was this you?!" "Bite me, windbag!" Alice shouted from across the room. "If you had any teeth left, you old hag, I'd kick them in!" Boris shouted, as Alice laughed. "Boris..." Carol said, touching his arm as he sat back down, "Boris...it's from her." "Hmmm?" Boris glanced at the envelope Carol was holding, and it was indeed from a Lexa Platter. Carol and Boris exchanged nervous glances, and Carol took Boris's plastic knife, opening the envelope and pulling out a letter, which she slowly unfolded and started to read aloud. "Dear Carol, I know letter writing is so out of date, but I wasn't sure you had an email, so. I wanted to thank you for caring about me. You cared about how well I did in school because you liked me, not because it made you look good, unlike my parents, and you helped me deal with my injury without asking a lot of questions. I want you to know how much I valued knowing you, and I wish I could've made it to be your age, but things are so tough right now, life is only going to get harder, busier, and I know I won't be able to handle it. I knew you would read about me in the paper, and I didn't want you to think you'd be responsible, so I figured I'd tell you it's not your fault. I actually never even took the last pills you gave me, because when I got home, my father found out about my boyfriend. He'd been in my room while I was gone, looking for me, and it turned into an enormous fight. He called me a slut, called me a disappointment, after everything I've done for them. I realize now that you simply can't live to make other people happy, but you also can't live if those are the only people you care about making happy. Carol...you've lived such a full life, I wanted that, but it isn't for me. Thank you for caring when nobody else would. I love you. Lexa." "See," Boris said, smiling, "I told you it wasn't your fault." "God...the way we treat our young people needs to change, Boris, this is sick," Carol said, near tears as Boris rubbed her back. "Hey, you did something good for her, you cared. That's a start," he said, the two of them smiling at one another as Boris continued to flip through his mail, suddenly standing up again and shouting, "God dammit, Alice! Stop signing me up for junk magazines! I don't even OWN a horse!" Carol looked back at the letter and smiled widely, still nearly crying, wishing she could've done more, but proud of what little she had been able to do. *** *knock knock!* Carol opened the door to her room to find a young brunette woman standing there. "Yes?" Carol asked. "Hi, my name's Lexa, I'm with Martins High School, I'm here to read to you," she said, smiling. "Sweetheart, I know how to read." "Well, congratulations, we're all proud of you, but I'm still going to do it," Lexa said, the two of them starting to laugh. "God," Carol said, "You look so much like myself when I was young...you want to come in?" "So I'm going to look this good when I'm your age?" Lexa asked as she entered and Carol started to shut the door. "Girl, you know we're a catch!" she replied.
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Golden Years follows the exploits of a bunch of old people in a retirement home as they try to have fun, relax or come to terms with the soon to be end of their lives. Archives
April 2024
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