"How about it?" Gus asked, spreading his arms and showing off his leather jacket while Leaf and Bea sat on the couch, each eating ice cream out of an open carton.
"Dad, aren't you, like, old?" Leaf asked, "Shouldn't old people wear old peoples clothes?" "Listen to her, she's not wrong," Bea said. "I'm trying to be hip, with it, part of the 'in' crowd, you know? I want people to see me and think 'now there's a cool dad!' because, really, I am a cool dad," Gus said, "I have the jacket to prove it." "A leather jacket doesn't inherently make a guy cool, you need the right attitude, accessories and whatnot," Bea said, "Leather stuff only makes girls cool because societies expectations for cool women are already so low they're impossible not to meet immediately. But you wanna be a cool guy? You're gonna need a motorcycle or something. Not just the jacket." Bea got up and headed to the bathroom, as Gus sat down beside Leaf, who was sucking on the end of her spoon and laughing to herself. Gus smiled as he pulled the jacket off and looked at it in his hands. "I thought it was cool," he said. "You're already cool, dad, you don't need to try," Leaf said, "You stopped drinking. That in and of itself is cool. You took control of your life." "I guess I never thought of it that way," Gus said, straightening up, smiling at her wisdom. The door to the apartment opened and Melanie entered, shutting the door behind her. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Gus and Leaf sitting there, uncertain of how to approach them. Gus stood up and walked to Melanie, putting his hand on her shoulder. "You okay?" he asked. "I need to talk to you," she said. *** Emma was seated at her desk, correcting papers, when a knock came at the door. She glanced up and adjusted her reading glasses to see a man standing in the doorway, peeking into the classroom. He smiled upon seeing her, and approached, holding out his hand. "Hi, I'm looking for Melanie?" he asked, "I'm her brother, I'm supposed to pick her up for something." "She's not here," Emma said, shaking his hand, "Sorry to disappoint you." "She told me that she'd be here today." "Well, she told you wrong then," Emma said, chuckling, "She didn't come in today, and she didn't even call. I just figured something came up. Sorry to not be more of a help to you." "It's fine, I'll stop by the apartment and see if she's there," Shane said, exhaling and heading for the door before stopping and turning back to face her, chewing on his lip as he asked, "So is she a big help in here, or?" "Surprisingly she is, especially after being on medication," Emma said, setting her pens down and removing her reading glasses, letting them instead dangle around her neck; she added, "She's been increasingly lucid and coherent, and the kids really like her. She's extremely capable of interacting with children, perhaps due to her innate inclination towards that mindset herself, so they really connect with her in a way they don't with me." Shane stood there, somewhat surprised but refusing to show it, nodding. He folded his arms and sighed. "That's...really great, honestly. When she first told us she was in therapy we didn't believe it-" "That was also my doing," Emma said, chuckling, "Though it didn't turn out too great at first. But it seems like in the long run its worked to her advantage. Now she's doing group therapy I hear. I'm just happy to know she's doing better. I was very concerned for her well being." Shane started to exit again, only to stop once more and look back at her. "...thanks for caring about my sister," he said, stuttering, sounding like he was trying not to cry, "...far too many people haven't." As he left, Emma turned back to her papers, lifting her reading glasses back onto the bridge of her nose. She thought about Shane, and how moved he seemed to be just by her kindness towards his sister, and how she wished Darren could show that level of emotion more sincerely, more often. She'd quickly find she couldn't get the thought out of her head for the rest of the day. *** "Are you telling me that all the whack ass shit you had me help you with was for nought?" Gus asked, sitting in disbelief at Melanie's admittance to her feelings for Lisa. Bea, who was standing beside the chair he was sitting on in his bedroom, couldn't help but smile at all of this. "No, that's a good thing, dude, that means she recognizes how horribly this self inflicted heternormative bullshit can hamper ones attempts at finding genuine happiness," Bea said, approaching Mel who was seated on the end of Gus's bed and putting a hand on her shoulder, adding, "I'm proud of you. That's really awesome." "I feel like I'm thinking more clearly," Melanie said, "like I can finally see what I actually like and want, and...and the fact that it's happening with someone who also knows what that's like, who's capable of really understanding it...it feels good. It feels right. It's nice to be understood, especially after a lifetime of being poorly interpreted." "Well, so long as you're happy then," Gus said, sighing and leaning back against the chair, adding, "I just hope you know what you're doing." "What's that supposed to mean?" Bea asked, sounding irritated on Melanie's behalf as she scowled at him. "I...I just...I don't want to see you get hurt, that's all," Gus said, "By anyone, it doesn't matter who. I just feel like maybe you're rushing things. You've known this girl for, what, a few weeks at best, you know? I don't know. I just-" "I think she's capable of knowing what's right and what's wrong for her," Bea said, interrupting him and standing up for Mel, continuing by saying, "She's obviously capable of knowing considering she finally decided to try therapy and medication. Sick people are usually reluctant to such an idea, but Mel wasn't." "I...I didn't..." Gus didn't have a response. Bea grabbed his leather jacket, pulled it over herself and zipped it up. "I'm taking Leaf to get more ice cream," she said, before exiting the room, leaving Gus and Melanie alone. Gus looked at his feet before looking up at Melanie, still seated on his bed now cross legged and running her fingers through her long blonde hair. "...I didn't mean anything cruel by it," Gus said softly, "...when I moved in here, I had lost access to my daughter, the only person who really has ever meant the world to me, but meeting you and you being in such a childlike state of mind, I guess...I guess I felt responsible for your safety and you became some sort of fucked up surrogate or something." Melanie smiled, touched at this admittance. Gus continued. "I guess I just wanna make sure you stay safe. I'm wary of anyone who inserts themselves into your life because I feel like I'm partially liable for anything that happens to you as a result of their actions. I need you to be safe." "I'm safe, Gus, I'm probably safer than I've ever been in my life, and I think I owe a lot of that to your influence," Melanie said as Gus got up and walked to the bed, sitting on it himself opposite of her and holding her hand. She added, "but thank you for caring." "You're my best friend, Melanie, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if any harm came to you because I was being lackadaisical in my approach." She smiled and hugged him, patting his back. What had she done to deserve such a brave and honorable knight? On the way out of the apartment and back towards her own, she spotted Allen opening his own apartment door, and decided to pay him a visit. She figured she'd let Gus explain to Bea what he'd really meant, and let him have alone time with his actual daughter, so Allen was now becoming a good replacement for interaction with Gus when he wasn't as readily available. Allen had set his grocery bags down by his feet as he opened the door and smiled upon Mel's approach. "You look happy," he said. "I am happy," she said, her voice bright and bouncy, "Need any help?" "No thanks," Allen said, "I can handle it. What's got you in such a good mood?" Melanie had a million reasons, certainly, but she finally settled on one. "Friends," she said. *** Darren was cooking dinner when Emma came home. Stirring a pot of tomato sauce as she walked into the kitchen and hoisted her bags onto the table, Darren turned and looked at her as he tasted his efforts off the tip of the wooden spoon. Emma sat at the table and looked at him, laughing at his face as he realized it was too hot to taste test. He turned the heat down and set the wooden spoon on the counter, approaching her at the table. "Have a good day?" he asked. "As good a day as one could have, I suppose," she replied, "Met Melanie's brother." "Really?" Darren asked as he approached the table, handing Emma a beer and stroking her hair. "Yeah," she said, cracking it open and taking a swig, "Nice guy. He was looking for her, but she didn't come in today, so I wasn't much help. Still, it's good to know she has some sort of family out there willing to participate in her life and watching over her." "Yeah, that is somewhat relieving," Darren said, heading back to the stove while Emma drank. As she watched him continue to cook, all she could think of is how genuinely moved by her kindness towards Melanie Shane had been, and how selfish it felt to feel that way. Taking this thing between brother and sister and somehow making it about herself. But she couldn't help it...that level of positivity...well, Darren was positive, but he was also very matter of fact and reserved emotionally. It was typical, raised in society the way men were, that he would be like this, but even in his most explicitly open moments towards her, she felt like he wasn't being honest. Like he was really hiding how he felt. "So Melanie didn't come in today?" Darren asked, glancing over his shoulder and breaking her concentration. "Wha..no, uh, no she didn't," Emma said, shaking her head and coming back to reality, escaping the inner workings of her brain, "No, she didn't even call to tell me, she just...straight up didn't show. I hope she's alright." "I'm sure she's fine," Darren said, "Now, are you hungry?" "Only all the time." *** Bea was asleep in bed and Gus was seated on the porch, looking out at the stars as he drank a caffeine free soda. He heard the door slide open behind him and saw Leaf come on out in her sweats and hoodie. She seated herself beside her father and, after putting her legs up on the railing, exhaled loudly. Gus smiled. They'd rarely had time to be together like this since she was a little girl, before he'd started drinking. He appreciated it all the more now. "Bea told me what you said to your friend," Leaf said, "...you know, I really meant what I said earlier, about the whole refusing to drink makes you cool thing. I really do believe it. You had an addiction and then you refused to let that addiction take your life from you." "I owe a lot of that to my friend," Gus said, "That's why I care so much. Without her interference, I may still be a lush falling asleep on the couch in the middle of the day. That wasn't the memory I wanted you to have of me." "Trust me, it isn't," Leaf said, toying with the drawstrings on her hoodie as she giggled, "Actually, if anything, my best memory of us together is when you took me to the zoo for the first time." "We should go to the zoo again, it's been a while since I've gone," Gus said. "That would be cool." "Hey," Gus said, turning towards her, "this guy your mom is seeing, what's he do? Do you like him?" "He's a pediatrician, and I guess he's alright. I mean...he's not mean or anything, but he's also nothing special," Leaf said, "I can't really see what mom would see in him but I'm not mom, so. I'm much more...you. I think that's partially why I love you is because I love myself, because you taught me to, flaws and all. He's a nice enough guy, sure, but beyond his credibility with his work I can't see a particular reason to date him. Why?" "No reason, just keeping tabs on everyone," Gus said softly, drinking his soda. "...do you still love mom?" "...I..." Gus mumbled and looked out into the sky again, "...I don't know. In some way I always will, but is it romantic? That's the question. I don't harbor any ill will towards her for leaving, and kicking me out of your lives. She did the right thing. I was dragging everyone down. Thanks to Mel's father, I learned how not being there can be such a detriment to your children, and I decided it was time to get my shit together. But I love Bea. She's really kind of perfect for me." "She's really cool, dad," Leaf said, before rolling her eyes and adding, "Which I guess makes you a cool dad, because you're dating someone cool." "Yes, victory," Gus said, pumping his fist to her laughter. *** Melanie and Lisa were seated in her living room, as Mel flipped through a photo album of Lisa's adolescence, noting that she too often wore princess costumes throughout her childhood. Melanie smiled at these photos, some of which were taken at school (a school with, apparently, no dress code) or at home, or even sometimes on vacation. Lisa was sitting beside her, sipping tea and eating cookies from a box as she watched Melanie flip through her life. "I always thought I was the only one," Mel said quietly, "It's nice to feel like somewhere out there was another kid as warped as I was." "Hah!" Lisa cackled, "Yes, absolutely. It's those little moments of revelation that truly bring you closer to someone, when you recognize that they're not all that different from you in reality. I didn't lose my father, the way you did anyway, but I still managed to recede into a fantasy world that was equally as unhealthy for me, psychologically." "At least you can admit it," Melanie said softly, "I lied to myself for so long that I still have trouble accepting just how falsified my reality actually was. Now that I've acknowledged it, it's...slightly terrifying to me just how much time I actually lost living a life that wasn't real, waiting for people who would never arrive." "Deep," Lisa said, "Well, I arrived, that's got to count for something, right?" Mel smirked and patted Lisa's knee before going back to the album. "Who's this?" she asked, flipping a page and seeing another girl, a few years older than Lisa, in the photo with her and her father. "That's my sister," Lisa said. "You have siblings?" Mel asked. "I had a sister," Lisa said, "We don't talk anymore. I don't really talk to anyone in my family anymore." Melanie nodded. She wouldn't prod her any further on this, as she knew what it was like to be estranged from your family for things outside your control. Instead she looked back at the photo and noted how similar the two looked, like they could be twins, and she thought of her brother. She continually let him down, and yet he was still trying to work with her. She appreciated this and thus decided that, when she got the chance, she'd call him up and tell him a few things. She felt Lisa crawl across the couch and sit behind her, putting her arms around Melanie's midsection and hug her tight. Melanie laughed, but gave in to the affection, largely because she was so touch starved for it, and held Lisa's hands. Together the two sat there for a while and reminisced about days gone by, family passed on and, most importantly, their favorite royal memories. *** Lying in bed that night, Emma couldn't sleep. Instead, she quietly climbed out of bed and headed downstairs, in her pajamas, to read. She didn't want the light to wake Darren up, nor did she want to have a conversation about why she couldn't sleep. She knew damn well why. She was sick to death of having the 'family' discussion, and would do anything at this point to avoid it. So she huddled up on the couch and continued reading the book she'd been invested in lately, all the while her mind drifting, not taking in the words her eyes were scanning. Finally she picked up the phone and dialed a number. After a few minutes, a groggy voice answered the call. "Hello?" he asked. "Hi dad," Emma said. "Hey, is everything okay, it's late," Patrick said, still sounding half asleep. "Everything is fine, relatively speaking," Emma said, "I just...do you remember when mom had that affair? The one with the guy from the doctors office?" "Unfortunately I do," Patrick replied, "Why? Darren isn't having an affair is he?" "God, no, I doubt he'd be capable of such a thing," Emma said, genuinely meaning this, before adding, "...did you blame her for what she did?" "I mean, things were tough at the time, Em," Patrick said, yawning, "In hindsight I blamed myself far more, but that isn't fair. I'd say to split the deal evenly, if anything. I wasn't totally blameless. She obviously wasn't getting something from me that she needed to be getting, but once it was over, and we got into couples counseling, I tried very hard to be a better husband and it's managed to make things work since then." "...but what if it wasn't your fault? What if you...what if you simply felt deep down that you no longer had a reason for being with this person, with mom, because she wanted something different from what you wanted, and that she had every right to leave because of that?" "Well that wasn't the cause, so hypotheticals don't matter," Patrick said, "Why are you asking me this?" "Just had a nightmare about the whole thing," Emma said, outright lying now, before finishing, "Sorry to wake you." And she hung up without even saying goodnight. She'd call him back tomorrow, apologize profusely, make up some more crap about this supposed 'nightmare' and move on, but tonight...tonight all she could think about is how much she didn't want to go back upstairs to bed, and instead how much she wanted to find a new place to sleep. And someone new to sleep with. *** Melanie arrived back at her apartment early in the afternoon the following day, and sitting outside her apartment was something wrapped in paper bags with a note from Allen. She picked it up, let herself into her apartment and unwrapped it. As she was looking at this framed photo, she heard someone come up behind her, and looked to see Leaf standing there, eating a thing of yogurt. "Where's your dad?" Melanie asked. "He and Bea go to the gym in the mornings," Leaf said, "At least they tell me they do. What's that?" "A gift, from a friend," Melanie said, smiling at the framed photo. "Cool," Leaf said. Melanie hung the photo on the wall and stood back to admire it. Leaf continued to scoop what leftover Yogurt out of the container she could get. It was of a castle, somewhere in Europe most likely, and the note that Allen had left simply said, "To my new friend, Melanie." Yes, Melanie thought, here's to friendship. "Do you think my dad's cool?" Leaf asked, and Melanie snorted. "No, but his uncoolness is what makes him cool, so it doesn't matter what my personal opinion is," Melanie said, and Leaf nodded, smiling. "I like that," she said.
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Royally Screwed follows 24 year old Melanie Irres, an average young woman...who legitimately believes she's a princess. Archives
July 2023
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