Gerry hadn't had the dreams since the lab. The ones with the birds flying overhead, as he lay in a field of grass and flowers, bleeding profusely, or at least covered in blood. He wasn't sure. Whether it was his blood or someone else's was something else he was unsure of. Either way, he hadn't had the dreams for what felt like ages, until now. Once Dodger was gone, he began having them again, and quite frequently. He didn't tell anyone about them, but they always bothered him and left him, once he woke, with a sense of dread and mild terror.
Every morning he rose, everyone was happy and enjoying themselves, but Gerry couldn't allow himself that. He was stuck with the lingering fear from the dreams. And more often than not, on the rare occasions he didn't have the dreams, he was instead left wishing he could speak to Dodger again. He didn't even know what, he just knew that he still had too much to say to him, and unlike Kevin, who could regularly visit Number Four's grave, there was no headstone marking the resting place of his treacherous friend. Gerald was left, alone, with his thoughts. His feelings. And this only made him feel worse. He often visited the spot he and Dodger frequented right before he was killed, the spot they could see the lab, see the new trucks arriving weekly with new rabbits. Rabbits Gerald had promised he'd rescue. Rabbits Dodger had told him about. Gerald felt he now owed it to Dodger, oddly enough, to actually carry through with that act, but to what end? To what end does the rescuing continue? When have you rescued enough? Or did it, like the fear that coursed through his body every single day, never end? *** "All I'm saying," Number Two said, "Is that there's other burrows out there. Other homes. So if this is the case, and we know this to be true for a fact, then where are all the rabbits who live there? Why haven't we seen them around lately?" Kevin shrugged and pawed at his ear, cleaning the tips, dipping his paws in the stream they were standing by to wash off the mud and dirt. "I don't know, man," Kevin said, "It's not like I've kept in touch with them. We're not penpals." "I just think it's strange," Number Two said, "I mean, we used to see them around every now and then, remember? Now...now I don't see anyone that isn't from our group. Where IS everyone?" "You're actually complaining about being left alone?" Kevin asked, "After all the interference we've had to deal with? Are you really complaining about being alone in the peace and quiet?" "Well, when you put it like that, yeah, it sounds ridiculous," Number Two said, the two of them laughing a little. Still, Number Two couldn't shake this feeling he had. This feeling of unease. He knew eventually the Collective would have to discuss the plans Dodger and Gerald had made the rescue the other rabbits, but he felt a more pressing matter at the moment was what had happened to all the rabbits that had been around them just recently? He almost had the urge to hike out to find a new burrow and make sure they were still there. He just couldn't shake this feeling that something was happening to those around them, and that soon, whatever it was, it would come for them as well. When Number Two and Kevin returned to the Hollow, they found Gerry already there, speaking with Six in a secluded area. The four of them stopped together, but nobody spoke. Finally Gerry just motioned with his head for them to follow him, and so they did. The four of them headed off down the Hollow and into the area Gerry called his own. Once he was sure they were alone, he sighed and looked at them. "We need to discuss THEM," he said. "What about THEM?" Kevin asked. "When are we rescuing the new recruits?" Gerry asked, looking at Number Two, "Paul? Any ideas?" "Not particularly, no. Frankly, I'm starting to wonder if it's even the right thing to do right now. I'm beginning to grow a bit concerned because the forests feel a bit empty right now. We're not seeing a whole lot of other rabbits from other burrows or anywhere around, and I'm feeling worried that something might've happened to them." "Maybe they moved," Six said. "All at once?" Number Two snapped at her, "That's highly unlikely. Either way, I think we need to focus on that first." "We need to get those rabbits out of that lab," Gerry said, "It's the one thing I swore I would do. We get them out, we burn it down and we move on." "It's not going to be that simple, and you know it," Kevin said, "Even if you have Lorna fly around and cause a distraction for the dogs so you manage to get back inside, it's still not going to be that simple. I mean, I guarantee you security is going to be very much heavier, especially since we last went to get you guys. We need to make sure that things aren't that secure before we even begin to discuss actually getting inside." "Every single day a truck or two is coming with more and more rabbits," Gerry said, "We promised we wouldn't let THEM do anything to another group like THEY did to us. Remember? We made that a promise. A pact." "Sure, but-" Kevin started. "Let me," Number Two said, interrupting him and looking at Gerald, "You're not wrong. We made that a pact, yes. And we fully intend to follow through with it, but we have to ask ourselves are we really willing to torch the place? Is that a thing we're willing to do? Because...because frankly, at what point are we going to have to wonder if we're better than Dodger by doing that. You had reservations about killing him because you thought it lowered you to his level and now you're willing to just walk in and wipe out an entire group of humans, no emotions attached to that decision whatsoever?" "I liked you better when you were cold and logical," Six said, making Number Two chuckle. "I admit, being more open has certainly made me more hesitant to do things that generally would likely improve our lives, but the people in there, THEY have families too, children, significant others. And I know you're going to say 'well so did we!' and yes, we did, and yes, that doesn't make what THEY did to us right by any means, but I...I just feel it's still something we need to address." Gerry and Number Two stared at one another for what felt like ages before finally they all turned to see Crisp and Melvin standing there, both looking worried. Gerry walked past the others and approached them. "What? What is it?" he asked. "You're gonna wanna come and see this," Melvin said. The six of them headed out of the Hollow and, sitting outside, was a young rabbit. She appeared to be just a bit older than a child, and had black marks all over her body. The group were confused, until Gerald realized what they were. They were smears of mud and dirt, mixed with blood. He looked at her and she looked up at him. "Are you okay?" he asked, "What's your name?" "everyone...is...dead," she said, her voice stilted and wavering, "they...they're all dead...you have to help me." "What do you mean everyone is dead?" Gerry asked, but she wouldn't speak anymore. She was clearly traumatized. Gerry told Number Two to take her inside and give her a safe space to relax, and that they would talk to her more tomorrow when she was perhaps in a bit more of a stable mind. The rest of them dispersed, except for Melvin, who stood there with Gerry and watched the others go. "I think I should tell you that Crisp and I are going to leave," he finally said. "What?" "We...we can't be around this anymore. We're going to head out and find somewhere else to be. We appreciate all you guys have done for us, it's just...we're not cut out for this. Neither of us are. I hope you understand." "At least discuss it with me a bit more first," Gerry said, and Melvin nodded. "Sure," he said, "I just wanted to give you a heads up is all." Gerry soon found himself, once again, alone. The Collective was somewhat falling apart, splintering off, and it worried him. This was the time they needed to be closest the most. They needed to remain a Collective, a strong front, ready for whatever was about to hit at any moment. He didn't want Crisp and Melvin to leave, but he also did understand why they felt the way they did. He certainly was growing weary of dealing with things, and was wondering every day if Number Two and Kevin and Stone could handle things perfectly fine without him. *** He often spent most of his alone time back in that clearing, watching the lab. He didn't know why. Closest reason he could come up with was that it made him feel closer to Dodger, being that was the last place they spent time together at. Why he wanted to be close to the creature that had tried to kill him and his friends multiple times he was also unsure of, but he did, he couldn't deny it. Watching the lab, Gerry couldn't help but feel like this was the last thing he and his friends would wind up doing together. That after they got this group out, the Collective would see its job as being 'done', would continue to break away, and move on, and Gerry would soon be left all alone, always wanting to save just one more group. How many groups was enough? Would he really be willing to risk himself coming up a martyr for the sake of new rabbits he didn't even know? He heard a branch creak overhead, and spotted Lorna landing there, cleaning her wings before softly hopping down each branch until she reached the ground and was stood beside him. He smiled, appreciating her company. "You're here a lot," she said, "I see you from above. You come here quite often, a sort of...home away from home?" "I'm not homesick, if that's what you mean." "No, of course not," she replied, "But you sit here and you watch THEM, you watch new rabbits being brought in, new rabbits you clearly feel obligated to protect somehow, am I right?" "Nobody else is going to," Gerry said, "I know that Number Two is right, that it'd make us no better than Dodger, that...that those people have families too, but...nobody is going to stop THEM if we don't. But then, yes, THEY'LL rebuild, and bring in even more new rabbits and...how long do I keep it up for? I can't save them all. I can't...am I obligated to dedicate my life to the safety and rescue of new groups?" "The only one who can answer what your life should be used for is you," Lorna said, pecking at the ground, eating a bug or two, "Nobody else can make that decision, and those why try should be punished. Those who try to exert control over others should have their own control taken away from them to see how it feels. Those like Dodger. Like THEM. I can't answer that for you, Gerald, only you can." A soft breeze blew through and rustled the leaves, blowing his ears back a bit. He squinted and looked at his paws. "Did Dodger ever talk about me?" he asked. "Many times, in the bit of time we spent together, yes," Lorna said. "What did he say?" "The thing he said the most, surprisingly enough, was how he envied you," Lorna said, surprising Gerry; she went on, adding, "How you really could connect with others by being yourself, how you didn't have to hide who you were or how you felt. He couldn't do that. He always lost those he cared about, and he found it easier to pretend than be honest. But I don't think he was pretending with you. I think he really liked you." "I miss him," Gerry said, sighing, "It's...wrong, I know, but I do." "Many survivors often miss their abusers, for reasons they cannot really explain. It's a part of the path that leads to the healing process," Lorna said, "...but you're NOT Dodger, Gerald. Believe me. As much as you two may have had in common, as much as he thought you two might've had in common, you're very much his opposite. He did what he did out of selfishness. You're doing what you're doing out of sympathy. That's the key difference. The ability to feel for others. Kevin, on the other hand, seems to have a personal axe to grind, but you...you really just want what's best for these new rabbits. He wants to burn THEM down because of what they did to him, not what they're going to do to the new ones." Gerry nodded, understanding Lorna was completely correct. He exhaled and looked up at her, and she smiled at him, patting his head with her wing. "Don't worry so much," Lorna said, "You'll do the right thing, because that's what you've always done, is the right thing. I'll be around to talk, if you ever feel the need." And with that, Lorna hopped back up a few branches before taking off full flight into the sky, leaving Gerald alone once more with his thoughts. He felt Lorna, and probably others, thought too highly of him, but how could he know, really. All he had were his doubts to go off of, anyway. Gerry wound up having a dream that night. The same dream he'd used to have in the labs, with the field and the birds and the blood. He woke in a cold sweat and looked around, feeling terrified that he was seeing something he shouldn't be somehow. He stood up and, stumbling a bit, walked over to where Six was lying. She opened one eye as he very casually snuggled up beside her, and together they went back to sleep. It didn't matter how many bad dreams he had. Once he'd had to weather them alone. Now he had all the friends in the world to weather them with.
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The Rabbit Collective follows a group of lab rabbits struggling with their purpose, and hopeful eventual escape. Archives
October 2020
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