Casey Kochawski stepped through the doors leading to the back area for performers and tugged at the Beatrice head, pulling it off her and letting her long jet black hair fall over her shoulders. She exhaled and then set the head down on a nearby table before going to her locker and opening, reaching inside and, finding a small bag, pulled out a bottle of pills. She gripped them in her fist and headed to the bathroom, shutting the door and locking them behind herself before laying out three pills on the sink countertop and started to crush them. Once they were pressed into a fine powder, she leaned down and snorted them up her nose, almost screaming from the burning. Casey looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. The lights, the noise, the kids...it was all too much for her to handle, but the pay was good, and hey...
...who didn't want to be an icon? Or at the very least a fascimile of one? Casey exited, put the pills back away in the locker and then, grabbing the head off the table, pulled it back on over her head before grabbing the door handle and exiting, back out into the chaos of the newly opened Beatrice Pizzera. *** Michelle knelt down, best she could, looking at a dog through the kennel bars until she felt Eliza's hand on her shoulder and she glanced back up, blushing and shaking her head. They had been through this song and dance a thousand times in the last few months it seemed like. They would come here after work three or four times a week, look at the various dogs for an allotted amount of time and then eventually head home without making any kind of decision. Or rather, Eliza would drop Michelle back off at Delores's before heading to her fathers. Sometimes they would extend the outing into the evening, include a late dinner with it, but mostly it was looking at dogs. And the routine was exactly the same tonight it seemed. After the trip to the kennel, they went out to dinner and then Eliza dropped Michelle off at home before returning to her fathers. Entering the house, Michelle could smell the sweet scents of Delores baking, as she tended to do when she had free time; this time, she was hit by the wafting sensation of what smelt like cinnamon rolls. Michelle walked into the cane, steadying herself on her cane, before noticing she was right about her intution. Delores was there, putting the icing on various trays of cinnamon rolls, and when their eyes met, she beamed like a proud mother. "How did it go?" she asked as Michelle took a seat at the dinner table. "Eh," she replied, shrugging, "I just don't know that I'm ever going to find the right one." "Picking out a dog is a lot of work," Delores said, handing Michelle a warm fresh roll before taking one for herself and sitting down across from her, biting into it and speaking while chewing; "but think about the loving that will come as a result. You're not picking out a pet, you're picking out a friend, just remember that." "It also feels so...official," Michelle said, causing Delores to raise an eyebrow in confusion until Michelle exhaled and elaborated, pushing her bangs from her eyes, almost blushing, "like...between Eliza and I. It makes this feel so much deeper and...I don't know...real." "Is that a bad thing?" "Oh, no, not at all, no. All I ever wanted was to have someone love me, and to love someone else, romantically, and if anything, she's kind of perfect for me. It's just...weird is all, I guess. Never thought it would happen. Being disabled kind of made me believe I wasn't able to do a lot of things, or, was going to get a lot of things. Never thought I'd have a real job, especially not one in a field that interested me like I do now. Never thought I'd have a social life of any kind. Definitely never thought I'd find love." Delores smiled, finished eating her roll and then, after wiping her hands on a small towel, reached across the table and touched Michelle's hands. "Just recognize it for what it is and don't make it more than it should be," Delores said, "and what I mean by that is enjoy it, but don't put your entire self worth on it. On any of it, especially romance. So many things are so easily broken. But for the time being, yes, be happy." Delores then stood up and went back to the oven to continue baking, leaving Michelle to think about what she'd said, and wondering how Eliza felt about their situation. Perhaps she'd ask her tomorrow at work. *** Keagan was lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling when Lexi entered the apartment. She hung up her coat, tossed her purse and keys on the nearby table, and then noticed Keagan. She stopped at the couch and leaned over, kissing her on the forehead before waving daintily at her. "Are you okay?" she asked. "I got...asked something today," Keagan said, "from someone on the show. I got asked...if I could create a black character. Give the ideas to Eliza, she can make a puppet, introduce it on upcoming episodes, all that. I guess I'm like the token black person on the production team, so. But still, weird." "Are you not okay with that?" Lexi asked, coming around the side of the couch as Keagan lifted her legs up so she could sit, Keagan plopping her legs back down on Lexi's lap once she was seated; Lexi began massaging her feet and followed up with, "I mean, does that sort of thing make you feel uncomfortable?" "It's just a lot of responsibility having to create something that's supposed to represent an entire personhood. Representation is so important these days, I don't wanna be the one to fuck that up, you know? I don't...I don't wanna do it wrong and have some young black girl feel bad about herself because of the way the character I helped create was portrayed or something." Lexi nodded, listening. She pushed her hair back behind her ears, cleared her throat and sighed. "Listen, I'm not black, so I'm not gonna fully get it, but I hear your frustration, your worries, and you have every reason to feel that way. That being said, I don't see how you could screw it up. I don't see how you could, by any means, do something harmful. Just create the kind of character you would've wanted to see when you were a kid, you know? That's the goal. Because I guarantee whatever you wanted then is what someone else wants now," Lexi said, and Keagan nodded, as Lexi laid down on top of her on the couch, making her laugh. Keagan started running her hands through Lexi's silky blonde hair as she buried her face in Keagan's neck. "You're really good at calming people down, you know that?" Keagan asked. "I contemplated going into clinical psychology, but ultimately I figured if I can barely take care of my own brain, who would trust me to take care of theirs," Lexi replied, the both of them cracking up. *** "Can I take you to lunch?" Michelle asked, surprising Eliza in The Hole. She was sitting at her drafting table, sketching something, when Michelle entered, and she'd jumped at the surprise so much that her glasses nearly slid off her face. Once she managed to get them put back on and turned in her chair to properly face Michelle, who was near laughing, Eliza looked embarrassed; Michelle continued, "I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...I just wanna take you to lunch. Can we go to lunch?" Eliza nodded slowly, and stood up as Michelle gripped her coat from the back of her chair and helped her put it on. The two walked outside and headed down the street to a nearby Asian soup restaurant, a small place nestled away between bigger, more popular venues, but a place they loved dearly regardless of its popularity. Once inside, and seated at their booth, Michelle looked across the table at Eliza who was cleaning her glasses off. "So," Michelle said, "I need to-" "It's okay," Eliza said, "you don't have to come up with explanations. It's okay if you want to end it." Michelle was taken by surprise, unable to find words to respond with. She laughed, nervously, and shook her head. "What? Why...why would I-" "Because they all do," Eliza said, pushing her big frames back on her face and blinking rapidly a few times, "because eventually they all realize I'm too much, or too much work, or too much effort or I need too much help or...or whatever. Until I met you, I never really cared much, cause I didn't really understand it anyway. I just was happy people liked me, but I never felt the same way towards them. Yeah, it hurts having people leave, repeatedly, but it wasn't a big deal. But this one's gonna hurt, cause I actually think I understand what love is now and what it's supposed to feel like now and so to lose you is gonna-" Michelle quickly grabbed Eliza's hands and squeezed, laughing. "Eliza, take a breath, I'm not leaving you, jeez," she said, "I'm not...I'd never..." and it dawned on her how much she meant that as she said it, "...I'd never leave you. I just wanted to talk to you about the dog stuff. Cause, like, we've been having so much trouble deciding on anything and I just wanted to know if you had any preferences or anything." Eliza looked down at the table and bit her lip. She felt so embarrassed and Michelle could tell. Michelle got up and slid into the booth beside Eliza, touching her face, causing Eliza to recoil even more. "I'm sorry," Eliza whispered, "I'm sorry that I'm so paranoid I jump immediately to the worst conclusions. I just thought...I just thought you might..." "Listen," Michelle said, pushing gently on Eliza's face so she would look at her, as she added, "listen, okay? I can't see any kind of future without you in it, okay? I spent so much of my life afraid to be with anyone because I just didn't think I'd live long enough, and I didn't wanna put whoever I was with through that, but now that I am not gonna die, and now that there is a future ahead of me, that future includes you for as long as you want to be in it. I have absolutely no intention of ever leaving you. You're...perfect." Eliza blushed and looked down at her hands nervously. "I just wanted your help picking a dog," Michelle said, laughing, causing Eliza to laugh as well before she looked up and pressed her lips against Michelle's, kissing her longingly, taking Michelle by happy surprise; after the kiss broke, Eliza giggled. "I like dalmations myself," Eliza said. *** "I tell ya," Liam said, looking at his pizza slice, "it's weird to be in a kids eatery that actually cares about the quality of the food." "Well that was the biggest letdown, wasn't it?" Bea asked, "I mean, let's face it, every single place you've ever gone that was designed for kids, that sells food, has awful food. That pizzeria was terrible. I refused to let myself fall prey to the same issues. That's why I worked extra hard to find excellent chefs." Liam picked up his mug of root beer and took a long sip, before setting it back down and belching, causing Bea to smirk. "You're letting your hair go grey," Bea said. "Yeah," Liam said, running his hand through it, "yeah, Marvin always said he liked it better that way, and why run from aging, right? Embrace the inevitability of the eventual eternal slumber." "God you're a bummer," Bea remarked, the both of them laughing, until they looked to the side of the table and noticed a woman standing there in street clothes, but holding a Bea costume head under her arm. Bea and Liam exchanged a glance, and then finally Bea broke the silence, asking, "uh...can I help you?" "I...I work here, I'm...one of the Beatrices in costume," Casey said, "uh, my name is Casey Kochawski." Casey stuck her hand out, and Bea and Liam both shook it, somewhat cautiously. "Do you need something?" Bea asked, and Casey grinned like an idiot. "I just...I'm a huge fan," Casey said, "and...and that was why I wanted this job, and when I saw you here, you like NEVER come in, and so I just...I had to say hello because you're, like, my hero. Like...I wanna be an artist, but I just...I can't seem to make it happen, and I'm so tired of trying and getting nowhere, but then I think about you, and like how you went away for so long and then came back to great success and I don't know it's kind of inspirational." "Well I'm happy to be an inspiration," Beatrice said, just as Stephanie approached the table and seated herself, sighing. "Hello," Stephanie said politely to Casey, who almost paid her no mind at all. "Um," Casey said, scrambling to get something from her pocket, "this...this is....uh....I drew this, for you. I'm sorry." And with that, Casey turned quickly and raced off to the back area to get in costume. Bea took the paper that had been placed in front of her and unfolded it, while Stephanie picked up Liam's mug and took a long drink from it before smacking her lips. "That girl's on drugs," Steph said. "You think?" Liam asked. "Yeah, speed, definitely," Steph said, "I know, I used to take that back in college to help get me through long nights." "Hey hey, you freeloader!" Liam said, annoyed, as he just noticed Stephanie holding his drink and took it back from her; he then turned his eye back to Bea and asked, nodding towards her, "what did she give you?" "Just a drawing," Bea said, smiling to herself. *** After lunch, the girls went back to the studio and Eliza went back to work in The Hole while Michelle did some general set work, fixing up props and whatnot on stage. After work, Michelle offered to drive Eliza home, but instead drove to Delores's. Sitting outside the house in the parked car, Michelle breathed nervously as Eliza adjusted her glasses and then looked at Michelle, confused. "Why are we here?" she asked. "Delores isn't here tonight," Michelle said, "and...I don't know, I didn't wanna be here alone, so I thought maybe you could stay over. Nothing...nothing, you know...but we could just spend time together and...and cuddle. I don't want to be alone, and after lunch today I want to kind of prove how much I like having you in my life." Eliza blushed. Nobody had ever taken this much interest in her, and she felt so special. "I...I felt weird...creepy...liking you because I'm older than you, I thought people might look at me like I'm a weirdo," Eliza said, "but I'd also never felt anything like that before, and...and I'm glad you're not leaving but I'm also glad you're not asking for more." Michelle raised an eyebrow, curious, but not replying, allowing Eliza the room to speak. "Um," Eliza said, her voice lowering, "I'm older than you by at least a decade, but...well...oh this is embarrassing." "I assure you, nothing about you could be halfway as embarrassing as my entire life," Michelle replied, laughing, which made Eliza feel a little more at ease. Eliza adjusted her frames and exhaled, putting her hands in her lap. "Okay," she said, "Um...I'm very happy with you. I like this. I like all of it. I don't want it to end. But I also don't want it to change. At least in how, uh, we relate to intimacy, if that makes sense? Because, like I said, I know I'm at least a decade older than you, but I'm...a virgin. And...and it isn't because the opportunity never came up or because nobody was never interested or anything but...the idea of that much intimacy scares me. It confuses me. I don't like it. That's being way too close. I don't...I don't really experience sexual attraction, and I don't think I ever want to." Michelle nodded, listening, taking it all in. She had had no intentions of sleeping with Eliza tonight, but this gave her more insight into the woman she called her girlfriend, and honestly, she appreciated it. She carefully reached out and put a hand on Eliza's shoulder, causing her to cautiously look up at her. "We never have to do anything you don't want to, and honestly that doesn't matter to me anyway, I just like spending time with you," Michelle said, making Eliza sniffle. Eliza leaned in, resting her head against Michelle's chest, as she stroked Eliza's hair. It wasn't a typical relationship; one woman had health problems, the other was mentally disabled. One woman was at least a decade older than the other. And yet, within their differences, they found solace and companionship and acceptance. From the outside looking in, things might seem weird and out of place, but to the two of them, whose viewpoints mattered most, life was just perfect. So they went inside and they watched TV and they ate ice cream and eventually Eliza fall asleep on the couch with her head in Michelle's lap, and as she watched Eliza breath gently in her sleep, Michelle couldn't help but feel that maybe picking out a dog wasn't so hard after all. Not if you have the right person to help you. *** Beatrice shut and locked her door - she always locked her apartment door - when she got home that evening. She pulled her peacoat off and hung it on the coat rack by the door before heading into the kitchen, where she yanked open the fridge and pulled out a ginger ale in a glass bottle. Leslie wouldn't be coming here tonight, she was working late and when she worked late she often went to her own place afterwards, so Bea had the whole apartment to herself for the time being. As she unscrewed the cap from the bottle and took a long drink, her mind wandered back to the girl who had given her the drawing earlier that afternoon. Beatrice set the bottle down on the counter and wiped her mouth on her sleeve, then walked back to the coat rack and fished the folded up drawing from the pocket of her peacoat, taking it back to the kitchen where she leaned against the counter and looked at it for a bit, smiling. It was down in a childlike manner, but was clearly done in a professional way, as if she were attempting to immitate a child drawing something. Beatrice had to admit, she thought this girl had some real talent. She then went back to the fridge, pulled a spare magnet from its surface and placed the picture on the fridge, plopping the magnet down atop it to keep it in place. The picture showed a little girl - presumably the artist - at Beatrice's doghouse, reading a book while Beatrice gnawed on a bone. One of the things Bea liked about it was that a lot of the fan art she was presented with often portrayed Beatrice as the walking talking persona they saw on the show, but this girl, Casey, had done the opposite. She'd just drawn a dog. Bea loved that. She put her hand on the paper momentarily, sniffling, before backing away, gripping her glass bottle back in her hand, and heading to the bedroom. Art wasn't dead. Sometimes it was dormant. But it was never dead.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
About
Beatrice Beagle follows a young woman obsessed with a defunct pizzeria and kids show featuring a dog mascot. As she uncovers more about its mysterious past, she becomes sucked into the life of the woman who played the mascot, they both discover just how much they need eachother. Archives
April 2024
Categories |