Why was someone knocking at Natasha's door? It was only...oh, it was 11. Natasha groaned as her hand left her bedside clock and she stumbled out of bed, pulling on sweatshirt and heading down the stairs. Violet must've gotten a ride to school with Courtney, as she wasn't home, and Natasha certainly hadn't gotten up to drive her. Why was she so tired lately? It didn't make sense. Now that she set her own schedule, did this mean she'd sleep later and later? Waste entire days? She didn't like that idea. Another knock at the door as Natasha reached the landing of the stairs.
"I'm coming, hold the hell on," she said loudly, approaching the door and undoing the locks, tugging it open to find Sharla on her porch; she squinted, making sure she wasn't imagining this, before asking, "...the hell do you want?" "Wow, you're so approachable," Sharla said, "Can I come in?" Natasha moved aside as Sharla entered and pushed a brown paper bag, full of breakfast foods from a nearby diner into her chest. Natasha followed Sharla into the kitchen, and watched as Sharla stood in the kitchen, admiring it. "How are you in such good shape if you eat this kind of crap?" Natasha asked, rooting around in the bag blindly. "I don't eat it, I brought it for you," Sharla said, "I had a shake." "Your life must be miserable," Natasha replied, sticking a hashbrown in her mouth, "So what do you want?" "Jay tells me you're starting an online show," Sharla said, "Not surprising, seeing how things went at the network. Are you interested in taking any other members on? Because I'd love to be a part of an online network, not hounded by Lawrence or his bullshit. I like the idea of owning my property, instead of renting my creativity to someone who doesn't do any of the work." "Wow, bitchy," Nat said, chewing as she sat down on the kitchen table, "I suppose we could make that work. Did you get fired too?" "No, I'm actively pursuing other avenues," Sharla said, "from what Jay tells me, what you two are cooking up sounds pretty appealing. The idea of making your own schedule, owning your work, being able to do or say whatever you want. Not that what I do requires such freedom, I just teach people how to live healthier, but it's still worth being my own boss for." "You talk to Jay often?" Nat asked, furrowing her brow. "Only when he comes into the building," Sharla said, leaning against the counter, "Why?" "No reason, just didn't know he had any other friends," Nat said. "I'm pretty sure you're the only one who has one friend," Sharla said, smirking, "but he admires you, he respects you, and I think his judgement is good enough for me. I'm willing to hedge my bets on your online work, if you're willing to let me." "We don't even really like one another," Nat said, "Why would I do that?" "I like you, when did you ever get the idea I didn't like you?" Sharla asked, "Do you not like me?" "...I don't really like anyone, it's nothing personal," Nat said, "Having your marriage fall apart kind of destroys your faith in people." "That's fair." "We can talk about an arrangement, if you really want to, but I need Jay to be here to do that," Nat said, picking up her phone from the table, "Let me get him on the horn so he can get over here." As Nat sat there, waiting for Jay to answer his phone, she noticed something else. A note left on the fridge door, in someone's handwriting that wasn't Violets. She stood up and walked towards the fridge, picking it off the fridge from the magnet and reading it. It was very pretty handwriting, and it looked fresh, so it had to be from that morning. It simply read, "Picked Violet up, gone to school, have a good day, Courtney." "Hello?" Jay asked, finally picking up. "It's Natasha, I need you to come over, we have a situation," she said, "and it's standing in my kitchen admiring my blender." *** Sitting on the floor of the school hallway, each checking their notes for the upcoming class, Violet and Courtney were both stressed out, each for their own reasons. Today was the day of The Test, the one most of the students feared taking, mostly because of how damaging it could be to their self esteem. Violet had never taken The Test before, she'd always been exempt, but this year she wanted to finally see it through, even if the results weren't what she wanted. Courtney, on the other hand, was terrified she'd do worse than she did the year before, but things had been so different back then, and maybe she'd feel more at ease this time around. "Do you think," Courtney started, erasing something on her paper, "that you're really okay with this?" "I have to be," Violet said, "I have to, you know, face uncomfortable things, right? Like, um, it...it isn't good to just...you know...avoid things, that...that make me feel bad. I have to do this." Courtney smiled and rubbed Violet's back, nodding. "Proud of you Vi, that's a really positive attitude," she said. Violet smiled and continued focusing on her notes, as they waited for the bell to ring, signifying the time to take the test. She was proud of Violet, certainly, but Courtney couldn't help but worry that if things came out in a negative way that Violet wouldn't be upset, and the last thing she wanted was for her best friend to be upset. Especially about something like her mental faculties... *** Sitting in the kitchen, Sharla and Jay were going over a contract of some kind while Natasha paced, continuing to eat from the bag Sharla had brought with her. She was listening, but only just barely, seeing as she trusted Jay to know what he was doing and trusted Sharla not to screw them. However, after a bit, Natasha sat back down at the table and looked at them. "Does this mean you'd be my employee?" Nat asked, and Jay laughed. "That isn't really how it works. We're all co-owners," Jay said, "That's how this works. Everyone who signs up at the start is going to be considered a 'founder' of the 'network'. This means we don't pay one another, we all get pay evenly distributed from what we make on the site through merchandise like t-shirts, mugs or whatever other miscellaneous stuff we can conjure up." Nat nodded, glancing across the table at Sharla as Jay handed them each a pen and passed the papers between the three of them. "Upon signing this, we're agreeing to be owners together, and we can only negotiate on this after the first year is up," Jay said, "If you're unsure of things, don't sign it. Otherwise, go nuts ladies." With that, the three of them signed the papers and when Jay finished his signatures, he stacked them all back together, slipped them back into an envelope and put it back into a carrying case. He glanced between the women, both of whom shrugged. "So," he said, "Who wants to get drunk to celebrate?" "That's a great idea," Nat said, "I'm buying." "I could go for a drink, sure," Sharla said. *** Violet wanted to hide. No, worse than hide, she wanted to disappear. She knew she had to take the test, she knew she had to confront that fear head on, but now that she'd been graded...god her insides were simultaneously churning and on fire. Sitting under the bleachers as it rained around her, she couldn't stop feeling sick, like she was going to throw up, until she heard the sound of someone climbing under the bleachers with her. Violet turned to see Courtney climbing under and settling down beside her. "I take it it didn't go well..." Courtney said. "See for yourself," Violet said, handing the paper to Courtney, who took it and read it over. "...this is...unnecessarily mean," Courtney said, sounding surprised, "like, wow. They're recommending you leave most of your classes for slower learning classes. They're not even, like, trying to hide the fact that they have a low opinion of you." "It isn't their opinion..." Violet said, sounding remarkably sure, "...it's more...they told me that, um, I was bringing down the grade point average of the school, and that...that I uh, I should, you know, do it so the school doesn't lose funding." "...what?" Courtney asked, sounding genuinely disgusted now, "that's...just despicable, holy shit. Well, that's discrimination, and we can-" "Maybe it's just easier." "Accepting peoples preconceptions about you is not easier, it's simply letting them get away with having bigoted ideals and sends the message that they can treat everyone they view as different like that. You don't want this to happen to someone else, do you? You need to stop it when it starts with you," Courtney said, "I promise, I'll ask my dad and-" "Courtney, I'm stupid, and I'm sick of pretending I'm not," Violet said, near tears as she grabbed her bag, her paper and got up, heading out from under the bleachers, "Please leave it alone." As Courtney watched her friend rush away, she felt sick. All she wanted was for Violet to be happy with herself, and that would never happen at this school. At a place where everyone assumed she was dumb, and had now convinced her she was stupid as well. Courtney wouldn't just let them get away with this, she would find a way to make this right, and make Violet realize she was not stupid. *** "Holy shit," Jay said, sipping his beer, "It feels good to be an owner of something." "You're telling me," Sharla said, "I've never really owned anything. Still paying for my car, still paying a mortgage, but at least I'll own my career now." Natasha was sitting in the booth, turning her glass around and around, looking at the little umbrella in the top. Jay excused himself to go get another beer and some snacks from the bar, leaving Natasha and Sharla alone. Sharla swirled her straw around inside her cocktail and stirred her ice, then took a sip before opening her mouth. "Aren't you happy?" Sharla asked. "I...think I have a drinking problem," Nat said, "I didn't take my daughter to school today. I don't even remember last night. I was using alcohol as a way to cope with being left, but now I think it's become more than just a crutch. I'm worried, I guess." "I can help you get sober, if you want," Sharla said, "I can be, like, your sponsor. Anytime you want to drink you can just call me or whatever and I'll come hang out." "What are you doing here, seriously?" Nat asked, sitting up now, staring across the table at Sharla, "Like, we never really spoke much, we don't even run in the same social circles, so what are you honestly doing here with Jay and I?" "I...respected you," Sharla said, glancing down at her glass, sighing, "I really admired the way you just...opened yourself up, no matter what the results were, and used your pain to push forward and help others recognize their own. I'm a fitness instructor, Nat, I'm...everything about me is so fake, and so carefully curated. I churn out social media posts that are so perfectly framed, expertly worded, showing off my latest exercise routine or diet effort and...and I feel like I'm lying to people. I don't want to lie to people anymore. I want to help people, genuinely help people, the way you do." Natasha was floored. This was the last thing she ever expected to hear coming from Sharla. Sharla had always seemed so well put together, so happy with herself, smug almost, that to learn she admired anything about Natasha shocked her to her core. "Honestly," Sharla said, circling the lip of her drink with her fingernail, "after what happened to you, I started to question myself, and question all the relationships I'd had with people up to that point, and whether or not I was really putting myself into them the way I should be or whether I was simply dating to avoid being alone, because I work so hard on myself constantly as it is that I can't stand to spend time with myself, because I hate what I've become. I hate what this career has made out of me. So I date people so I can be someone else, part of something else...but that can't be healthy. How do you do it, Nat, how do you admit that you need to be alone, but enjoy it?" "I..." Nat started, "....I don't know. I don't like myself much either, for what it's worth. But I especially hate who I pretended to be when I was married. Who I was around him...that wasn't me, I simply conformed to his concept of me, how he viewed me, because I figured in order to be loved I had to be the ideal version of who they thought I was. But now that I'm alone, I'm focusing more on my daughter than myself, because I'm terrified to look inwards and find out that the real reason I pretended to be someone else was because there's nobody really there to be." Sharla stood up and came around to the booth, scooting into it and looking down at the table, before finally just laying her head on Nat's shoulder, taking Nat by surprise. Nat smiled and stroked her hair, trying to comfort her friend...and her new business partner. "Jeez," Jay said, upon re-approaching the table, "All it takes is a few drinks and you guys get intimate huh? Nice." "Shut up," they replied in unison, laughing. *** Sitting in her room that night, waiting for her mom to come home, Violet couldn't help but sit on her bed, swaddled in her blankets, headphones on without playing so she could hear the sound of the rain outside her bedroom window. She suddenly heard a knock at her window, and looked towards it to see Courtney standing in the tree outside her bedroom window. Violet crawled to the side of the bed and undid the latch, so Courtney could pull it up and climb through into the room. "Why are you in my tree?" Violet asked. "Because I figured nobody would answer the door if I knocked," Courtney said, shaking her head and pulling leaves and twigs out, adding, "Violet, please just listen to me. I've known you for like a year now, and seriously, you're not whatever they think you are, okay? You just learn differently, and there's nothing wrong with that. Fuck their stupid grade point average, alright? That doesn't justify their treatment of you, and you don't exist solely to make a school, or anyone for that matter, look better, okay?" Courtney knelt at the end of the bed and put her hands on Violet's shoulders. "You are Violet, and simply existing in a world that hates us is more than enough honestly, because all we're doing by being here is proving them wrong when they say we shouldn't be," Courtney said, "I know what it's like to be different, to be treated poorly. That's why I want to support you, and tell you there is nothing wrong with you, but there's something wrong with a school that tries to tell you there is." Violet smiled wide and put her arms around Courtney, hugging her tightly. This surprised Courtney, as Violet wasn't often good with affection, but she happily hugged her back. They were best friends, they were all the other one had, and they needed to be there for one another. The Simple girls rarely had friends outside of one another, but with Sharla and Courtney respectively, it felt like their world got a little bit bigger, despite the ugliness that existed around them, and they were grateful for it. Nat was right, Courtney and Sharla had realized. It really was easy to be nice to people.
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Public Access follows Natasha Simple, a self qualified "self help" instructor with her own show on local public access. But when she makes a sudden and surprising statement on air, her entire life changes, for the better...and the worse. Archives
December 2022
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