Noreen Stack was sitting on her bed, as two strange teenage girls and a grown man stood in front of her, waiting for her to answer. She couldn't stop smiling at them, even with as awkward as she felt, which only made them feel weirder about this whole situation they suddenly found themselves embroiled in.
"Look, all we want to know is why you're leaving comments like that on my friends videos," Jay said, making Noreen blush. "I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make anyone upset," she said, still grinning uncontrollably. "We went through all this trouble to track you down, you could at least give us an answer, your comments are upsetting my friends daughter," Jay said, motioning with his hand to Violet. Noreen and Violet locked eyes, and suddenly Violet didn't even need an answer. Suddenly she somehow knew everything. Her lip quivered, her eyes filled with tears, as Noreen nodded, almost as if she could telepathically understand what Violet was thinking. Almost like an admission of sisterhood or something. Suddenly everything about Violet made sense, in relation to her and her mother, and her placement within her family. "She gets it," Noreen said, pointing at Violet. Yes. Yes she did. *** "Well," Jay said, sitting with the girls as he clicked through the comments, sighing, "this is strange, you're not wrong about that. I mean, they don't come off as threatening or anything, but they do come off as...alarming? Stalkerish, almost? I don't know how to describe it, I just know it feels icky somehow." "Icky is such a great word," Courtney said, standing behind Jay with her arms crossed. "Isn't it though?" he asked, grinning at her. "But, like, what...what do I do? Can we, uh, can we find out who it is?" Violet asked, and Jay shrugged. "That's...you know, a little harder, honestly. I can see the e-mail address associated with their comment, because they had to sign up to the site in order to make a comment. This was how we decided to combat spam comments and trolls and bots. Not full proof, but it's something at least. So from there I could simply plug in her e-mail somewhere else, see what pops up if she's used it for anything else, or just e-mail her straight up." "How could we guarantee a response?" Courtney asked, biting her lower lip. "That's the thing, we can't, but it's better than just sitting here waiting for it to get worse, or having Nat discover it herself," Jay said, making Violet nod in understanding. "I'll do it," Violet said, "I'll e-mail her. They, like, would, ya know, probably, um, respond to her kid? Cause I'm not, like, an adult or anything that she works with? I have no authority. That's less scary." Courtney smiled. She was proud of Violet for showing this level of intelligence. She'd always known she was smarter than everyone gave her credit for, even herself. Violet, however, was terrified, admittedly, and unsure if she could even put into words how she felt. Could she even say anything that would warrant any type of response, or would she simply be dismissed and the comments would stop as a result? All she knew was she had to try. *** "Here's to the first day of real sobriety," Nat said, clinking her glass with Sharla as they sat at a table in a small restaurant, adding, "I can't believe I'm drinking fruit juice, but I suppose there's a first time for everything." "Well, your liver will thank you," Sharla said. "And really, don't they deserve better?" Nat asked, the both of them chuckling as a third chair was pulled up and Corrine seated herself, her black frizzy hair pulled back and tied up, her glasses constantly slipping down her nose. "God, people actually come here to socialize?" Corrine asked. "Where do you normally socialize?" Sharla asked, sipping her drink before setting it back on the table and leaning back, crossing her tan legs in her jean shorts. "Chat rooms," Corrine said, "Sometimes I go to a seminar at the local library." "You know how to have a good time," Sharla mumbled, making Nat smirk. "Why am I even here?" Corrine asked, "I could be doing something for school right now." "Because if we're all going to work together, we all need to really get to know one another," Nat said, "All I really knew about Sharla before a few weeks ago was how much of a health nut she was, and that simply isn't acceptable if she's going to be someone I see every day for god knows how many years on." "All you need to know about me is that I wash my hair once a week, I only eat microwaved cup of soups and I collect glass animal figurines. I give my all to the work you assign to me, I don't drink and I can't talk unless there's an actual conversation. Small talk doesn't interest me in the slightest, and I'm not a big fan of politics. There, do you feel like you know me any better now?" "Sadly, yes," Sharla said under her breath as she lifted the glass to her mouth. Nat sighed and scratched her forehead. She was beginning to think that perhaps she wouldn't get the girls night out she'd so desired after all. *** "This is the place," Jay said as they pulled up to the small, old looking home. Violet had e-mailed the commenter, and surprisingly gotten a near instant response, giving them their address. Then Courtney, Jay and herself piled into Jay's little car and headed on over to the address in question. An old man was standing in the yard, watering the garden out front, while they could see an old woman through an open window, vacuuming. "Are you sure you wanna do this? This might be weird," Jay said. "I have to," Violet said, "I have to, um, make sure my mom is, you know, like, uh, safe and stuff." Jay smiled. Violet, just like her mother, had a heart of gold. The three of them got out of the car and headed up the pebbled walkway to the front, passing the old man and knocking directly on the front door. The sound of the vacuum stopped, and the old woman opened the door, smiling at them as she wiped her hands on her house dress. "Hello," she said, "Can I help you?" "We're here to see Noreen Stack," Jay said, "Is she home?" "She's upstairs," Doris said, "...what is this about?" "She's been leaving comments on my friends videos, and they are making us somewhat uncomfortable. We just want to check in on her and make sure that everything is alright," Jay said, "Can we come in?" "I think you'd better," Doris said, opening the door further for them, allowing them to enter as she straightened her apron, pulled it off and hung it over the chair, then said, "Noreen is our daughter. Well, adopted daughter, but still. She becomes obsessed with things easily, she gets very invested in people she's never met, but this is...different from those other times. Please, have a seat." Jay, Courtney and Violet all sat on the long couch, as Doris sat herself in a big lounge chair, sighing. "We adopted her when she was just a few weeks old," Doris continued, "she'd been given up, but no reason was ever given why. All we got was the name of the parents, and all we knew was that they didn't want her, but we wanted a daughter and we had had a number of miscarriages over the years while trying, so we figured adoption was the best route. After a few years, John - that's my husband you saw outside - and I noticed she wasn't progressing the way other children progressed. By the time she was a teenager, she was in therapy, constantly, and on heavy medication that she still takes to this day. But that isn't to say that those things make a person bad, because they don't, and because she's not. She's the most lovely young lady, and even if she isn't really capable of making it on her own or...or really being an adult, well, that's fine. As long as we can keep her safe, keep her medicated, keep her relatively happy, then life is good. But the laptop, the internet, is her only real access to the outside world. It's how she communicates with people. I mean, she can speak, but it's her main forum of socializing, and because of this she can become extremely interested in subjects, obsessed with people, and so on." "...so she's got a fascination with my mom?" Violet asked. "In a sense, yes. She's right upstairs if you'd like to speak to her. I'm sure she'd love to speak to you," Doris said, making Violet's heart drop into her stomach as she glanced at the staircase behind them; Doris added as they got up to head upstairs, "I figured this day would likely come, where someone would track her down, and I should be happy, but I also hope it doesn't change how she views the world too much." With that, the three of them headed upstairs, bracing themselves for what revelations were in store. Unfortunately, the revelation they'd receive was something they couldn't have prepared for. *** "Yeah, but what is a toxin?" Corrine asked. She and Sharla had been arguing about this for the last 15 minutes, and at first it was entertaining, but by this point, Natasha was growing irritated, despite staying quiet and simply listening to the back and forth. "You have these negative energies in your body, they make you sick, and you need to do regularly flushes to rid yourself of them to allow for more positive things to enter," Sharla said. "That doesn't tell me what a toxin is! Draw a picture of a toxin! Explain to me in great detail what it is, because right now all you're giving me is vague pseudo science new age health mumbo jumbo!" Corrine shouted, almost laughing at the absurdity of the request, which in turn made Sharla laugh. "I...I can't draw a toxin! First of all, I'm not a skilled artist, okay? Secondly, it...it doesn't really have a visual representation, it's more like-" "If there's no visual representation then it isn't a real thing, is it? I mean that's the whole idea behind God! You just believe it's inside of you. Really, what you're selling is not medicine or a better lifestyle, but the idea that you're sick, and if you don't do something about it, you'll remain sick. The people you tell have toxins inside them could be sick for wildly different reasons, but because of your generalized statement, they'll likely never check up on it!" "Okay! Shut up!" Natasha finally shouted, "Shut the hell up! Corrine, a toxin isn't real, yes, you're not wrong, and yes it's ridiculous to peddle such bullshit but that's the health and beauty industry for you, okay? They're so convincing because of all the lobbyists they have that sometimes they even manage to pull the wool over well meaning health gurus eyes like Sharla. And Sharla, you're perfectly willing to argue for what you believe in and ask that it be respected, but Corrine clearly is doing this not just because she disagrees with you - understandably - but also because she wants to see how far she can push you? She doesn't socialize, so this is all the fun she has, got it? Great! Now shut. the hell. UP!" Natasha flopped back into the booth and sighed, lifting her glass to her lips and groaning. "Of all the fucking weeks I could've started sobriety," she mumbled. "Jeez," Corrine said, "Way to kill the mood." "Yeah, lighten up Nat, bitches can't even catfight around you for fun?" Sharla said, both she and Corrine smirking, as if this was a huge joke they'd now played on her. "I really regret starting this business venture with you," Natasha said, half smirking herself. *** "Look, all we want to know is why you're leaving comments like that on my friends videos," Jay said, making Noreen blush. "I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make anyone upset," she said, still grinning uncontrollably. "We went through all this trouble to track you down, you could at least give us an answer, your comments are upsetting my friends daughter," Jay said, motioning with his hand to Violet. Noreen and Violet locked eyes, and suddenly Violet didn't even need an answer. Suddenly she somehow knew everything. Her lip quivered, her eyes filled with tears, as Noreen nodded, almost as if she could telepathically understand what Violet was thinking. Almost like an admission of sisterhood or something. Suddenly everything about Violet made sense, in relation to her and her mother, and her placement within her family. "She gets it," Noreen said, pointing at Violet. Yes. Yes she did. "What? What do you 'get' Violet?" Jay asked, looking at her. "Do you know what it's like to be called stupid?" Noreen asked, before Violet could even answer, "Do you know what it's like for everyone around you to assume that you're incapable of any level of intelligence? It's even worse when you managing to string together coherent sentences and sound like you aren't disabled, because the only disabled anyone respects or even believes are the ones where it's visible." "I'm...I'm sorry," Jay muttered, "I didn't..." "She knows," Noreen said, looking at Violet again, "She knows what it's like, don't you? You stutter, you stammer, your brain doesn't fire as fast. I'm lucky, I know that. I have my mental blockages, but overall I don't instantly come across as challenged, like people assume you to be. I don't know why my parents didn't want me, and I...I guess it doesn't really matter, but it made it feel like the world itself didn't want me. Made it feel like maybe I didn't belong to existence because of my mental instabilities, my poorly functioning brain, and then I found Nat's videos." Violet smiled, tears rolling down her face as Noreen crawled off the bed and walked to the window, looking out as she continued. "Nat tells the world we all belong, she tells the world that we're better than it's made us believe to be. All the lies it's told us, they're just that...lies. I'm not 'stupid'. I'm different. That helped a lot. But you know what helped even more? Was realizing that I knew Nat from somewhere else. I did a lot of research after becoming aware of her, gathering information like her birthday, what hospital she was born at, and realizing her birthday and mine were similar, and we were born at the same hospital. I'm a few years older than her, obviously, but...it made it feel like I had a real connection with someone who truly wanted me to believe the best about myself." She turned and looked at Violet, before walking across the room, getting on her knees so they'd be eye level and putting her hands on Violet's shoulders. "You always wondered, didn't you? Why you had problems but your parents didn't? Because it should be genetic, shouldn't it? Your grandma died before you could meet her, didn't she? You never got to know it came from her. That she had issues too, like you do...like I do. Now you know, don't you? You know where it comes from? I'm so sorry to have burdened you with this." "Wh...what does that even mean?" Courtney asked, pulling Violet away from Noreen, almost as if she were protecting her. But Noreen just smiled and wiped her eyes on her shirt sleeve. "But we're both still here. We're both proving everyone wrong. And at least now you get to know where you came from, which is something I'll never really get," Noreen said, "You get it, right?" "Violet? What is she talking about?" Jay asked. "...she's my aunt," Violet said flatly, trying to hold in tears as Noreen nodded. "Tell your mother she lost a sister when her husband left, but she has another chance," Noreen whispered, and without any warning, and against any and all expectations to her actions in the past, Violet flung her arms around Noreen's shoulders, feeling Noreen squeeze her tightly as they sobbed together while Jay and Courtney stood in awe. This was going to change....everything. But Violet didn't care. She did finally understand herself, and she finally felt good about herself in ways Courtney and even her mother could never make her do. This, Violet realized, this is what home feels like.
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430 subscribers, and only two episodes had been released. This was going better than Natasha had expected it to. Of course, Jay had told her that most people were tech savvy and would therefore easily migrate to a new platform to follow someone they liked enough, but even still. Two episodes and already that many subscribers? Ridiculous. The inbox for the website they'd created was already flooded with many e-mails - either subscriptions to the newsletter, the site itself or simply congratulatory sort of stuff - and she was having a hard time sifting through all of it. It was while doing the third episode that Jay finally snapped.
"We need to hire an editor," he'd said, making Natasha groan. "I don't want to bring more people on, we already brought on Sharla, and that was more than I wanted," Nat whined, "Do we need to hire an editor?" "Dude, I can not make everything and edit it, I simply don't have the drive to do that. It's too much work for one man, even one as great as I am," Jay said, making her laugh as he added, "I'll vet some folks, we'll find someone, okay?" "We could just put an ad online," Nat replied, "We could just...you know, throw something up somewhere saying we're looking for someone to do a small editing job for us. Who knows what kind of response we would get." "That's exactly what I'm afraid of. Who knows what kind of response we would get. We could wind up with a lunatic if they're not carefully vetted," Jay said, "I'll ask my former film teacher at the local college if he knows any good students. He's trustworthy, and I know he wouldn't just turn someone awful loose on us." The door opened and Violet and Courtney entered, pulling their packs off and dumping them on the floor. Violet sat beside her mother, who kissed her forehead, as Courtney collapsed in a chair, exhaling loudly. "Long day?" Jay asked, going back to his work. "Exhausting," Courtney said, "Why is school so hard? I mean, they hide behind this excuse that they're preparing us for the real world, but I guarantee you that nobody in the real world is going to ever quiz me on the street about Sherlock Holmes and its literary qualities and influences. Why do they make us study this?" "Life's a mystery," Jay said, smirking as Courtney glared at him. "Hey, it's a little late for jokes, alright?" she replied, making everyone laugh. Natasha took the girls out for pizza that night, while Jay went to speak with his former film teacher. He and Nat made plans to meet the following day and go over some potential editors, which made Natasha extremely nervous. She was terrified of bringing in too many people. She was afraid that, somehow, it would make things too crowded, too complicated, too tense. While she sat downstairs and tried to relax that evening after dinner, Courtney and Violet were upstairs and looking at her website on Courtney's laptop. Sitting on the floor together, scrolling through the comments left by viewers, Courtney just shook her head in awe. "This is so cool," she muttered, "Your mom is so cool." "My mom is pretty great," Violet said. "She's going to wind up really reaching a much wider audience than she ever would have on public access," Courtney said, "...this comment is weird." Violet scooted closer and together they read over the comment, which read: "I can't believe it's you. I can't believe you're real. I can't believe I found this. Please know that I look up to you. I am your biggest fan." Violet and Courtney looked at one another, both perplexed. Who was this commenter, and how could they find out? *** Jay knocked a few times, but nobody answered. He glanced at Natasha, who shrugged and so he knocked again. Again no answer. They were standing in the hallway of a college dorm, with kids milling about all around them. Jay checked the paper as Natasha sighed. "Are you even sure this is the right room?" she asked, and he nodded. "Yes, I'm sure," Jay replied, sounding annoyed. "What's her name?" "Corrine Welkes," Jay said, "She's supposedly the best editor he's got. Top of her class, already getting gigs here and there, really making a name for herself." Finally as he raised his fist to knock one final time, the door creaked open and the face of a young, pale woman peeked out through the crack at them. She pushed the long errant bangs of black hair from her eyes and looked back and forth between Jay and Natasha. "Can I help you?" she asked. "We're here to talk to you about an editing job," Jay said. "...okay, come in," Corrine said, opening the door, letting them come inside. The dorm was completely dark, except for the Japanese paper lanterns she'd strung up across the room, and a batch of computer lights here and there at a work station. She was dressed in an oversized flannel and khaki pants, certainly no slave the fashion, and her hair was black and frizzy and huge. She sat back down at her desk, as Jay and Natasha pulled up neighboring stools and seated themselves. "What is this job?" she asked, squinting her eyes before adjusting the large glasses sitting on her face and saying, "hey...you're that lady who went whacko on TV." "I am indeed that lady who went whacko on TV, you got me," Nat replied, chuckling, "not really my finest moment, and after I went whacko at a school assembly, it cost me my job, so. That's actually why we're here. We've started doing my show again but we're putting it on the internet, and we need you to edit it for us. It's simply too much work for us to take on ourselves." "...does it pay?" "I mean, sure, why wouldn't it?" Nat asked, "and as profits continue to go up, your pay will increase. It's a joint venture between everyone involved. But I would need the work done well and on time." "You think I'm not good?" Corrine asked. "I...I didn't say that, I'm just ensuring that if I'm going to pay you, that you'll do it," Nat said. "...okay," Corrine said, her buck front teeth biting her bottom lip, "...I want half of my paycheck made out to a separate address though. Can we swing that?" "Sure, whatever works for you," Jay said. As Jay and Corrine spoke about specifics, Natasha got up and strolled casually around the dorm, taking in all the posters on the wall - mostly film posters of classic or independent movies - and shelf after shelf of books. A few small glass animals adorned the shelves here and there, and she smiled at that. She liked seeing younger people having an interest in stuff grandmothers would have an interest in. As she picked up a glass turtle and looked at it in her palm, she heard Corrine behind her. "I got that from a friend in Hawaii," she said, surprising Nat, making her turn, startled, to face her. "R-really? Well that's pretty cool," she replied. "I don't get to see her much now, so it's kind of special to me," Corrine said, "it also got me interested in other tiny glass animals. I have a giraffe and a dog and lots others. But the turtle is the best on by far, just because of the memory of who gave it to me." Natasha smiled and placed the glass turtle back on the shelf. "I totally get that. I have things that mean a lot to me because of where they came from or who they came from, so I understand completely." "Can I ask you a question?" Corrine asked. "Sure, what?" "Why'd you go whacko?" Nat sighed and leaned against the wall while Jay filled out some papers for Corrine to sign. Corrine chewed on her nails nervously, her bouncy black hair bobbing as she bit on her fingertips. "...I think I started to really, like, push how I felt about things down at a certain point, and it finally exploded when he left, culminating in that outburst. But, oddly enough, the truth is freeing. Not the rage, the rage is bad, and I'm trying harder to control that now, but the truth proper is...very weirdly freeing. To finally accept that I feel things, and that it's okay to feel things. You'd think I'd have figured that out a long time ago considering how much of my career has been based around telling complete and total strangers how they feel is valid and that they should take care of themselves, but...I don't know, I just never really extended that lesson to myself, I suppose." "it can be bad to feel things sometimes," Corrine whispered, "especially when they're things that can get you hurt." Natasha looked at her, confused, but nodded. Jay called Corrine back over to do the signing, and as she watched them, it slowly dawned on her just what a couple of weirdos she'd gotten herself involved in, and how little this new family resembled the one she once had with her husband. She then crossed her arms and smiled. She really wouldn't have it any other way. *** "It would be very hard to track them down, considering this isn't public access," Courtney said as they glanced at the comment again and again; she tossed her hair and added, "because it's global, it could be anyone from anywhere and we'll never know." Violet groaned and flopped onto her back on the bed, leaving Courtney on the floor. "I'm my moms biggest fan," Violet said, making Courtney smile as she continued, "but I, like, wanna know who...uh...who it could be, because...because it...it might be someone we, um, we know or something. Or maybe, like, not, and maybe uh, maybe they are dangerous and scary?" "I highly doubt someone has it out for a woman who had a public access show," Courtney said, snickering. "But I have to know, cause, I, ya know, um, like I don't...I don't want someone to hurt my mom," Violet said, sitting up on the bed now, sniffling as though she were going to cry, "I don't...I wanna...make sure she's safe. She's always, like, made sure I'm safe, you know? It's only fair." Courtney smiled and stood up from the floor, seating herself on the foot of the bed and holding Violet's hand. "Then we'll do whatever it takes to track them down, okay? Maybe we can ask the guy who's working with her, Jay? He's a tech guy. Maybe he knows what to do," Courtney said, "Whatever it is, Violet, I'll help you keep her safe, I promise." This eased Violet's worry. Not much, but it did. *** "What a weirdo," Nat said under her breath as she and Jay sat in his car in the parking lot of a fast food taco place, both eating equally unhealthy things for dinner; she wiped her mouth on her arm and said, "I just...she's so odd. But you say she's the best, and she did show us that reel of hers and it was really good, so I guess we can't really say no to someone with that level of expertise." "She was odd, sure," Jay said, taking a big bite, "but often the weirdos are the best in the entertainment world, so I say welcome aboard. It isn't like Sharla isn't weird." "Are you kidding me? Sharla's the most normal one of us all," Nat replied, laughing as she pushed taco meat into her mouth, "She's literally the most level headed, seemingly human one out of the whole group. She's an actual person and we're all just...just weird cardboard cutouts of people." Jay finished his food and laid back in his seat, sighing, resting his hand on his chest and exhaling. "...maybe we're all whackos, and that's why we get along," Nat said, "Maybe we just...needed to find one another to finally have people we trusted in our lives. I don't think I should be looked up to, of course, lord knows I have made a mess of things, but-" "That isn't fair, dude, you didn't make a mess of things, your ex did. He's the one who walked out on his family, for his own wifes sister, okay? He's the one who fucked up, not you. You're a good person, Natasha. You're such a good person that it's, like, sickening. That's why you draw people to you. They feel safe around you, because you are a safe person. That's the best gift someone can give someone else, is that feeling of safety." Natasha looked at Jay, who was sitting up in the car now, looking at her. He pulled his cap off, running his hands through his hair and sighing. "Like, I not only was grateful because you let me work with you, but I was just so...inspired by the fact that your show existed primarily to help other people. You weren't doing it for the money. You've told me that before. You've told me how you did it because people needed help, they needed guidance, and the world was letting them down, and that's just not okay, and you're right, it's not okay. So you stepped up and you said 'listen, these people who are lying to you, religious leaders, politicians, your own family? they aren't the ones you should be listening to. you should be listening to yourself'. You didn't even tell them to listen to you, you told them to listen to themselves, and that's what's wild. It would've been so easy to simply usurp an authority figures place with yourself, but you told these people the only authority that mattered was their own." Nat put her food down, grabbed the back of Jay's head and pulled him in, kissing him. Jay was surprised, but he didn't resist. She climbed out of her carseat and into his lap, kissing him passionately, feeling his hands in her hair now. It started to rain outside, but they didn't care. She knew Violet was home and safe. She knew the show was well on its way to being a success. Right now was all that mattered. Right here. Her own happiness for a change. *** She shut her laptop down and sat cross legged on her bed. A knock on the door came, and she glanced over at it, as the door swung open and an older woman entered, cheerful and bright. "Are you still hungry?" she asked, and Noreen shook her head. "No thank you," she said, "...I found her." "You did?" "She's uploading videos to the internet. She has her own website," Noreen said, making the woman smile and nod. "Well that's great to know," she said, "I'll bring you your medications and a glass of cocoa." With that the older woman exited, leaving Noreen to lay back on her bed and stare at the mobile hanging overhead. She'd finally found her. After all this time, after all these years, she'd tracked her down, and they didn't even live in different cities or states. All this time they'd been that close to one another...amazing. She smiled and shut her eyes. Doris would be back with the cocoa and her anti-psychotics in a matter of minutes, and she'd take both and go to sleep, knowing full well that now that she had Natasha to guide her... ...there was nothing she couldn't do. Why was someone knocking at Natasha's door? It was only...oh, it was 11. Natasha groaned as her hand left her bedside clock and she stumbled out of bed, pulling on sweatshirt and heading down the stairs. Violet must've gotten a ride to school with Courtney, as she wasn't home, and Natasha certainly hadn't gotten up to drive her. Why was she so tired lately? It didn't make sense. Now that she set her own schedule, did this mean she'd sleep later and later? Waste entire days? She didn't like that idea. Another knock at the door as Natasha reached the landing of the stairs.
"I'm coming, hold the hell on," she said loudly, approaching the door and undoing the locks, tugging it open to find Sharla on her porch; she squinted, making sure she wasn't imagining this, before asking, "...the hell do you want?" "Wow, you're so approachable," Sharla said, "Can I come in?" Natasha moved aside as Sharla entered and pushed a brown paper bag, full of breakfast foods from a nearby diner into her chest. Natasha followed Sharla into the kitchen, and watched as Sharla stood in the kitchen, admiring it. "How are you in such good shape if you eat this kind of crap?" Natasha asked, rooting around in the bag blindly. "I don't eat it, I brought it for you," Sharla said, "I had a shake." "Your life must be miserable," Natasha replied, sticking a hashbrown in her mouth, "So what do you want?" "Jay tells me you're starting an online show," Sharla said, "Not surprising, seeing how things went at the network. Are you interested in taking any other members on? Because I'd love to be a part of an online network, not hounded by Lawrence or his bullshit. I like the idea of owning my property, instead of renting my creativity to someone who doesn't do any of the work." "Wow, bitchy," Nat said, chewing as she sat down on the kitchen table, "I suppose we could make that work. Did you get fired too?" "No, I'm actively pursuing other avenues," Sharla said, "from what Jay tells me, what you two are cooking up sounds pretty appealing. The idea of making your own schedule, owning your work, being able to do or say whatever you want. Not that what I do requires such freedom, I just teach people how to live healthier, but it's still worth being my own boss for." "You talk to Jay often?" Nat asked, furrowing her brow. "Only when he comes into the building," Sharla said, leaning against the counter, "Why?" "No reason, just didn't know he had any other friends," Nat said. "I'm pretty sure you're the only one who has one friend," Sharla said, smirking, "but he admires you, he respects you, and I think his judgement is good enough for me. I'm willing to hedge my bets on your online work, if you're willing to let me." "We don't even really like one another," Nat said, "Why would I do that?" "I like you, when did you ever get the idea I didn't like you?" Sharla asked, "Do you not like me?" "...I don't really like anyone, it's nothing personal," Nat said, "Having your marriage fall apart kind of destroys your faith in people." "That's fair." "We can talk about an arrangement, if you really want to, but I need Jay to be here to do that," Nat said, picking up her phone from the table, "Let me get him on the horn so he can get over here." As Nat sat there, waiting for Jay to answer his phone, she noticed something else. A note left on the fridge door, in someone's handwriting that wasn't Violets. She stood up and walked towards the fridge, picking it off the fridge from the magnet and reading it. It was very pretty handwriting, and it looked fresh, so it had to be from that morning. It simply read, "Picked Violet up, gone to school, have a good day, Courtney." "Hello?" Jay asked, finally picking up. "It's Natasha, I need you to come over, we have a situation," she said, "and it's standing in my kitchen admiring my blender." *** Sitting on the floor of the school hallway, each checking their notes for the upcoming class, Violet and Courtney were both stressed out, each for their own reasons. Today was the day of The Test, the one most of the students feared taking, mostly because of how damaging it could be to their self esteem. Violet had never taken The Test before, she'd always been exempt, but this year she wanted to finally see it through, even if the results weren't what she wanted. Courtney, on the other hand, was terrified she'd do worse than she did the year before, but things had been so different back then, and maybe she'd feel more at ease this time around. "Do you think," Courtney started, erasing something on her paper, "that you're really okay with this?" "I have to be," Violet said, "I have to, you know, face uncomfortable things, right? Like, um, it...it isn't good to just...you know...avoid things, that...that make me feel bad. I have to do this." Courtney smiled and rubbed Violet's back, nodding. "Proud of you Vi, that's a really positive attitude," she said. Violet smiled and continued focusing on her notes, as they waited for the bell to ring, signifying the time to take the test. She was proud of Violet, certainly, but Courtney couldn't help but worry that if things came out in a negative way that Violet wouldn't be upset, and the last thing she wanted was for her best friend to be upset. Especially about something like her mental faculties... *** Sitting in the kitchen, Sharla and Jay were going over a contract of some kind while Natasha paced, continuing to eat from the bag Sharla had brought with her. She was listening, but only just barely, seeing as she trusted Jay to know what he was doing and trusted Sharla not to screw them. However, after a bit, Natasha sat back down at the table and looked at them. "Does this mean you'd be my employee?" Nat asked, and Jay laughed. "That isn't really how it works. We're all co-owners," Jay said, "That's how this works. Everyone who signs up at the start is going to be considered a 'founder' of the 'network'. This means we don't pay one another, we all get pay evenly distributed from what we make on the site through merchandise like t-shirts, mugs or whatever other miscellaneous stuff we can conjure up." Nat nodded, glancing across the table at Sharla as Jay handed them each a pen and passed the papers between the three of them. "Upon signing this, we're agreeing to be owners together, and we can only negotiate on this after the first year is up," Jay said, "If you're unsure of things, don't sign it. Otherwise, go nuts ladies." With that, the three of them signed the papers and when Jay finished his signatures, he stacked them all back together, slipped them back into an envelope and put it back into a carrying case. He glanced between the women, both of whom shrugged. "So," he said, "Who wants to get drunk to celebrate?" "That's a great idea," Nat said, "I'm buying." "I could go for a drink, sure," Sharla said. *** Violet wanted to hide. No, worse than hide, she wanted to disappear. She knew she had to take the test, she knew she had to confront that fear head on, but now that she'd been graded...god her insides were simultaneously churning and on fire. Sitting under the bleachers as it rained around her, she couldn't stop feeling sick, like she was going to throw up, until she heard the sound of someone climbing under the bleachers with her. Violet turned to see Courtney climbing under and settling down beside her. "I take it it didn't go well..." Courtney said. "See for yourself," Violet said, handing the paper to Courtney, who took it and read it over. "...this is...unnecessarily mean," Courtney said, sounding surprised, "like, wow. They're recommending you leave most of your classes for slower learning classes. They're not even, like, trying to hide the fact that they have a low opinion of you." "It isn't their opinion..." Violet said, sounding remarkably sure, "...it's more...they told me that, um, I was bringing down the grade point average of the school, and that...that I uh, I should, you know, do it so the school doesn't lose funding." "...what?" Courtney asked, sounding genuinely disgusted now, "that's...just despicable, holy shit. Well, that's discrimination, and we can-" "Maybe it's just easier." "Accepting peoples preconceptions about you is not easier, it's simply letting them get away with having bigoted ideals and sends the message that they can treat everyone they view as different like that. You don't want this to happen to someone else, do you? You need to stop it when it starts with you," Courtney said, "I promise, I'll ask my dad and-" "Courtney, I'm stupid, and I'm sick of pretending I'm not," Violet said, near tears as she grabbed her bag, her paper and got up, heading out from under the bleachers, "Please leave it alone." As Courtney watched her friend rush away, she felt sick. All she wanted was for Violet to be happy with herself, and that would never happen at this school. At a place where everyone assumed she was dumb, and had now convinced her she was stupid as well. Courtney wouldn't just let them get away with this, she would find a way to make this right, and make Violet realize she was not stupid. *** "Holy shit," Jay said, sipping his beer, "It feels good to be an owner of something." "You're telling me," Sharla said, "I've never really owned anything. Still paying for my car, still paying a mortgage, but at least I'll own my career now." Natasha was sitting in the booth, turning her glass around and around, looking at the little umbrella in the top. Jay excused himself to go get another beer and some snacks from the bar, leaving Natasha and Sharla alone. Sharla swirled her straw around inside her cocktail and stirred her ice, then took a sip before opening her mouth. "Aren't you happy?" Sharla asked. "I...think I have a drinking problem," Nat said, "I didn't take my daughter to school today. I don't even remember last night. I was using alcohol as a way to cope with being left, but now I think it's become more than just a crutch. I'm worried, I guess." "I can help you get sober, if you want," Sharla said, "I can be, like, your sponsor. Anytime you want to drink you can just call me or whatever and I'll come hang out." "What are you doing here, seriously?" Nat asked, sitting up now, staring across the table at Sharla, "Like, we never really spoke much, we don't even run in the same social circles, so what are you honestly doing here with Jay and I?" "I...respected you," Sharla said, glancing down at her glass, sighing, "I really admired the way you just...opened yourself up, no matter what the results were, and used your pain to push forward and help others recognize their own. I'm a fitness instructor, Nat, I'm...everything about me is so fake, and so carefully curated. I churn out social media posts that are so perfectly framed, expertly worded, showing off my latest exercise routine or diet effort and...and I feel like I'm lying to people. I don't want to lie to people anymore. I want to help people, genuinely help people, the way you do." Natasha was floored. This was the last thing she ever expected to hear coming from Sharla. Sharla had always seemed so well put together, so happy with herself, smug almost, that to learn she admired anything about Natasha shocked her to her core. "Honestly," Sharla said, circling the lip of her drink with her fingernail, "after what happened to you, I started to question myself, and question all the relationships I'd had with people up to that point, and whether or not I was really putting myself into them the way I should be or whether I was simply dating to avoid being alone, because I work so hard on myself constantly as it is that I can't stand to spend time with myself, because I hate what I've become. I hate what this career has made out of me. So I date people so I can be someone else, part of something else...but that can't be healthy. How do you do it, Nat, how do you admit that you need to be alone, but enjoy it?" "I..." Nat started, "....I don't know. I don't like myself much either, for what it's worth. But I especially hate who I pretended to be when I was married. Who I was around him...that wasn't me, I simply conformed to his concept of me, how he viewed me, because I figured in order to be loved I had to be the ideal version of who they thought I was. But now that I'm alone, I'm focusing more on my daughter than myself, because I'm terrified to look inwards and find out that the real reason I pretended to be someone else was because there's nobody really there to be." Sharla stood up and came around to the booth, scooting into it and looking down at the table, before finally just laying her head on Nat's shoulder, taking Nat by surprise. Nat smiled and stroked her hair, trying to comfort her friend...and her new business partner. "Jeez," Jay said, upon re-approaching the table, "All it takes is a few drinks and you guys get intimate huh? Nice." "Shut up," they replied in unison, laughing. *** Sitting in her room that night, waiting for her mom to come home, Violet couldn't help but sit on her bed, swaddled in her blankets, headphones on without playing so she could hear the sound of the rain outside her bedroom window. She suddenly heard a knock at her window, and looked towards it to see Courtney standing in the tree outside her bedroom window. Violet crawled to the side of the bed and undid the latch, so Courtney could pull it up and climb through into the room. "Why are you in my tree?" Violet asked. "Because I figured nobody would answer the door if I knocked," Courtney said, shaking her head and pulling leaves and twigs out, adding, "Violet, please just listen to me. I've known you for like a year now, and seriously, you're not whatever they think you are, okay? You just learn differently, and there's nothing wrong with that. Fuck their stupid grade point average, alright? That doesn't justify their treatment of you, and you don't exist solely to make a school, or anyone for that matter, look better, okay?" Courtney knelt at the end of the bed and put her hands on Violet's shoulders. "You are Violet, and simply existing in a world that hates us is more than enough honestly, because all we're doing by being here is proving them wrong when they say we shouldn't be," Courtney said, "I know what it's like to be different, to be treated poorly. That's why I want to support you, and tell you there is nothing wrong with you, but there's something wrong with a school that tries to tell you there is." Violet smiled wide and put her arms around Courtney, hugging her tightly. This surprised Courtney, as Violet wasn't often good with affection, but she happily hugged her back. They were best friends, they were all the other one had, and they needed to be there for one another. The Simple girls rarely had friends outside of one another, but with Sharla and Courtney respectively, it felt like their world got a little bit bigger, despite the ugliness that existed around them, and they were grateful for it. Nat was right, Courtney and Sharla had realized. It really was easy to be nice to people. |
About
Public Access follows Natasha Simple, a self qualified "self help" instructor with her own show on local public access. But when she makes a sudden and surprising statement on air, her entire life changes, for the better...and the worse. Archives
December 2022
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