The theatre was quiet, aside from a bit of shuffling and some folks clearing their throats or rustling their pamphlets. Natasha was seated on a couch on the stage, but the lights were off, and nobody could see anything. She took a long, deep breath, then pressed a button on the earpiece attached to her head and whispered, "Let's go."
The lights blasted on, and suddenly she was bathed in warm light, now clearly visible to everyone in the theatre, as they all began to clap. Natasha smiled softly and waited a moment, before cupping her hands and looking out directly at everyone. "Thank you for coming," she said into the headset mic, "I'm Natasha Simple, and welcome to my first live show. If you're here, it's likely because you're lost, confused or in need of help, but let me assure you that you're doing better than me, and I get paid for this schlock. Either way, like me, you're likely dissatisfied with your life and I can understand why. Life is, as a concept, extremely dissatisfying. I mean, let's face it, most of us, myself included, are never going to be wealthy, or fulfilled or even what society often considers 'happy', but I think that's the biggest lesson I've had to learn since my husband left...is that it's perfectly fine to not be those things, and it's sick to think it's wrong to think that way." A smattering of applause made Natasha smile as she stood up and started pacing. "I mean," she continued, "I'm supposed to see my divorce as a 'fresh start' or some shit, but it's not, it's an ending, and that's okay. It's okay to see things as endings, not new beginnings. Why do so many self help books praise the concept of closure, yet are afraid to see things as endings? You can't have it both ways. Either be afraid, or lie, but don't try and have your cake and eat it too. You just wind up with cake everywhere, making a mess, and life is messy enough, isn't it? So let's try to conquer the mess, shall we? Tonight, you and me. Together, we could maybe make something out of nothing." Some more light applause, as up in the booth where Corrine was doing her job with the lights and sounds, Jay smirked. He sipped his hot coffee and sat down on a stool beside Corrine, crossing his legs. "It's so good to see her be so headstrong," Jay said, "this has been such a weird year, and it's nice to see she hasn't lost any of her step." "She's a rock, yes," Corrine said. The door opened, and Sharla entered, eating out of a bag of banana chips. She nodded at Jay, who raised his coffee cup at her, as she sat herself on the couch in the back and stretched out, groaning. "I just came from the gym, sorry I wasn't here sooner," she said. "It's fine," Jay said, "She just started a few minutes ago, you haven't missed much." "Where's her kid?" Sharla asked, and Jay turned to look at her. "She's on her way with her aunt," Jay said, checking his watch, "and honestly they're later than you are, so don't feel bad." *** Sitting in traffic, Noreen tapping her nails against her steering wheel, she couldn't help but think they should've left sooner. Violet, sitting in the passenger seat, wasn't saying anything but was instead chewing on her hair absentmindedly, with Courtney in the backseat, reading a book she'd brought with her to ease the awkward quiet. Finally, Noreen sighed and glanced at her niece. "Well, I hope your mom doesn't hold it, you know, too harshly against us for being late," she said. "She won't. She never holds, um, anything against me," Violet said, "She'd have to, like, pay attention to me before she did that." This admittance surprised Courtney, who glanced up from her book, but didn't say anything. "Why do you say that? You know she loves you," Noreen said. "I know, and uh, and I...I love, um, her too, but, like...like she's so focused on fixing everyone elses problems, and never, um, ours, if that makes sense? I feel like, uh, like everyone else's problems are more important, or something, like, I don't know," Violet said, her voice trailing off to a whisper as she finished. "Well, you should tell her that," Noreen said, "I'm sure she'd listen. She adores you. I know she's busy trying to help literally everyone, and that, ya know, it has to be, uh, frustrating, but still. You're her daughter. You'll always come first. That's what my parents taught me." This made Courtney smile, but also feel bad. She didn't have a mom to help her feel good. She had her father, and he did his best, and they were best friends, but it wasn't the same. She was, honestly, jealous of the relationship Violet had with her mother. "I couldn't ever say, like, anything mean to her," Violet said, "That'd make me mean, and I don't wanna, ya know, be, uh, be mean." Courtney sighed and went back to reading, not having said a thing, but having taken it all in nonetheless. *** "You're all here because, like me, you've been forgotten in one manner or another," Nat said, "Whether it's by your family, your friends, or even yourself...you've gotten lost, somehow, in the mix and you don't know how to get back to the trail, but luckily for you, I'm a Forest Ranger, and together we can weather the wildness of the wilderness together to find our way back to camp. Was that a ridiculous thing to say? You betcha!" Laughter rose from the crowd, making Nat chuckle herself as she adjusted her earpiece and continued. "But, that being said, I do firmly believe in my ability to not just help you, but help you help yourself, and help myself in the process. That's the thing my husband didn't understand. So many people think you have to do everything by yourself, and, sure, a lot of things you do have to do by yourself. I won't deny that. But one of those things isn't suffering. You do NOT have to suffer alone. That's why I'm here. I am here to tell you that you are not alone in how you feel, and that I completely understand, because I suffer too. We all do. Really, our suffering is the one thing that binds us all completely together." Nat crossed the stage and nervously fidgeted with the buttons on her shirt before exhaling and facing the crowd once again. "We're all going to be left. We're all going to be left in one manner or another, whether our romantic partner leaves us or our parents eventually die, one way or another, we're going to be left. And that loss hurts tremendously, but it also brings us all so much closer, because we know we aren't alone in experiencing it." The doors to the theatre opened, and Natasha saw Violet, Courtney and Noreen enter and silently take seats in the back. Nat smiled and felt her eyes tear up. "My daughter is the single strongest person I know, and I draw all my strength from her. I never tell her this, much as I might want to, but I can easily tell a crowd full of strangers because I don't have to worry what you'll think about me. I don't know you guys. So let me tell you that our children, these people...these are the ones that help us through the most. I wouldn't be here today if it hadn't been for her. Her birth made me realize that I was capable of loving someone - selflessly and unabashedly - other than myself, more than myself. She's developmentally challenged, and yet she's the smartest person I know, and every day I feel like I don't even remotely match up to how much smarter she actually is than me, than all of us. To have to navigate a world not designed for you...that takes brains. Courage. Strength. And she has far more of all of those things than all of us combined." Noreen and Courtney glanced at Violet who was trying not to smile, clearly feeling simultaneously embarrassed but also loved at that exact moment. "I know it's cliche to say your child gives you purpose, but before her I was aimless. I didn't know what I wanted to do for a living," Natasha said, "and now I've spent the past decade trying to help all of you, because of her. You're all here to see me, you're all fans of me, but I'm her biggest fan. Don't take your strength from me, or what I say or think, take it from her. She's a better person than I could ever be, and she makes me strive every single day to be better, so I can help all of you. In hindsight, my husband leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me, because it forced me to realize what I was truly appreciative of....my daughter, and I couldn't have gotten here today without her." Violet got up and ran out of the theatre, trying to hide her face, and neither Noreen or Courtney followed her. Jay, from up in the booth, saw this and quickly exited to catch her in the main foyer of the building. He found Violet pacing in the main hall, where she was both crying and laughing. "Vi?" he asked, cautiously approaching her, touching her on the shoulder gently. "Jay?" she asked, turning to see him. "You okay? I'm sorry if that was embarrassing, but-" Without warning, Violet threw herself into Jay, hugging him tight, surprising him completely. Violet rarely even gave hugs to her mother, but she really needed it he figured, so he hugged her back and let her cry against him. "It's so much responsibility," she whined, "I love her, but, uh....but I feel, like, you know...so....um...responsible for her well being, and that's tiring." "I'm sure it is, sweetheart," Jay said, stroking her hair, "but-" "and," she continued, interrupting him, "I wanna make her proud, and I'm glad she finds strength in me, because I sure don't find strength in me." Jay knew Violet suffered from self esteem issues, but it had never remotely occurred to him just how big those issues might just be until this very moment. It now dawned on him just how little she actually thought of herself. He knew that finding Noreen had made her a lot happier, finding some reasoning for being the way she was and not feeling as alone now, but even still...Jay sighed and walked with Violet to the velvet covered staircase, sitting down together. He pulled his cap off and ran his hands through his hair, exhaling deeply, shaking his head. "...I love your mother," he said, "more than others do. I know there's, um, kind of an age gap but it isn't huge by any means. Either way, what I'm saying is that I've known you basically your whole life, and...and she isn't wrong. I know you still find it hard to accept being who you are, but you know, you aren't alone. I had a lot of trouble in school myself, and I know how you feel about not feeling as smart as the stock you came from, as smart as the peers around you. It can feel crushing." "Dad just left," Violet said, no longer stammering, "he just left, and I'm supposed to be there for my mom when I'm barely able to be there for myself? I love her, and I'm glad she pulls strength from me, but I'm a kid! Dad never cared. He claims he did, but he didn't. He didn't care. If he'd cared, he would've stayed for me at least, or he would've seen me sooner, but he didn't." "Well, I know I'm not your father, but I care," Jay said, making Violet look at him as he added, "and I know it'll never be the same, but-" "You've been around more than my dad has. That makes you the better man and I'm glad you're in my moms life," Violet said. Jay smiled, knowing he didn't have to say more. The silence between them said it all. They waited for the show to finish, and waited for Nat to join them, but eventually, as everyone filed out, Violet grew frustrated. She wanted to storm back into the auditorium and see what was taking her so long, but Jay just grabbed her arm and kept her there. Violet got it then. Her mother was once again doing something for someone. Someone other than her. And she would just have to get comfortable with sharing her mother with the world. *** Corrine was packing her backpack, wrapping up her headphones and other equipment to take back to her dorm, when the door opened and Natasha entered. Corrine turned and smiled at her, as Nat pulled the earpiece off and handed it to her. The women stood there, looking at one another, until Corrine finally nodded and pulled her backpack on over her shoulders and headed towards the door. "Thank you," Nat said, "Seriously, I couldn't have done the show or this live event without your expertise. Thank you, Corrine." "Don't mention it," Corrine said, "I'll see you next week." "Wait," Nat said, sitting down and pulling out a bundle of paper from a briefcase, "sit down." Corrine did as she was told, and the two women sat there on the couch together. "What's going on?" Corrine asked. "I pooled all the money we made from this event, and a lot of the money we made from subscriptions, merchandise and donations through the site this past year, and...and I put it all in one collected bank account. In your name." Corrine just stared at her. "What?" she asked. "All the money, it's...it's for you. After that discussion we had, you know, about your parents...it didn't feel right to just not do anything about it, so I took all the money I made from my job this year and I put it into this account. Sharla and Jay agreed to give up their shares for this year, since we're all still doing somewhat okay, so we could give all this to you, and keep you afloat financially. I'm taking a break from the show for a bit to spend the summer with my daughter. That being said, I won't have any need for your services until we return, so I got you a plane ticket and a nice hotel room on the islands, so you can go be with her, and you won't have to worry about your folks paying for your dorm because now you have more than enough money to pay for your schooling for a while." Corrine couldn't believe her ears. "What are you saying?" Corrine asked quietly. "You're going to Hawaii for the summer, to be with your girl," Nat said, "Staying in a luxury suite, and you don't have to worry about affording your schooling when you get back. You said you were a fan of me, well I'm a fan of you, Corrine. What you've been put through, and yet you're still going, and that's so admirable. You wanted a parent, let me be that parent." She handed Corrine the papers, and watched as Corrine sifted through them bit by bit, her eyes growing ever wider every few seconds. After she finished, she shut the envelope and looked at Natasha, then threw herself into her, hugging you tightly. "Thank you," she cried, and Nat patted her back. "It's no big thing," Nat said, laughing. *** Natasha got herself, Violet and Courtney fried chicken from a fast food place for dinner, and the three of them sat in the living room watching TV and eating, having a nice girls night in. After a while, the girls excused themselves to Violet's bedroom, leaving Nat all alone to watch TV and eat dessert by her lonesome, not that she minded. She wanted some alone time after that day. When Nat finally went to her bedroom around 11pm, she found Courtney staring in the hall bathroom mirror, trying to fix her hair, and Nat stopped and watched until Courtney noticed her. "Oh, hi," Courtney said, "Thanks for letting me stay the night." "It's no problem. Is Violet asleep?" Nat asked, and Courtney nodded. "Yeah, she fell asleep pretty quickly after we went upstairs," Courtney said, "Your show was really good, Miss Simple." "Courtney, can I talk to you?" Natasha asked, nodding down the hall, "in my bedroom?" Courtney followed her, shutting the bathroom light off, and when they arrived in Nat's room, she shut the door and sat down on the bed. Courtney was afraid she'd done something wrong, and felt nervous. Natasha exhaled, and looked at her feet. "...your father came to me a while ago," Nat said, "said business wasn't as great as it once was, that things were getting tighter money wise, and uh, and of course I know all about your mom. I mean, in the sense that she's not here anymore. Then Violet told me about, you know...you, and what you've been going through, becoming who you are, and I just thought to myself 'wow, women have it hard enough already, but this girl's gotta be having the worst time of any of us' because, it's bad enough to be a woman and get shit solely for that, but to be in your situation, that has to attract a lot of unwanted attention and that...I'm just in awe, honestly, and I'm so glad you're my daughters friend because...because it's good for her to have role models to show that other young women like herself, who fall outside the societal category of 'normal' or whatever, are honestly the strongest women there are." Courtney wanted to cry. She sat down in a chair and watched as Natasha reached behind her on the bed and pulled a suitcase to her lap, opening it. "I gave most of the money from this year to my editor, but since your father and I ran into eachother, I've been saving up, and hopefully after this next year, if things continue to go as well for me, between the two of us, we can afford to get you what you want. I think if we pool our funds together, we could afford the surgeries." Courtney went white as a sheet. "you...you'd do that for me?" she asked quietly, trying not to cry. "Yeah, of course. Absolutely. Every women, regardless of their sexuality or their gender or their intellectual capacity, deserves to be happy and respected," Natasha said, "...so yeah, of course I would. I know you lost your mom, and I can't imagine what that's like, but I'm always here, if you need a motherly figure. We'll get you what you want, okay? I promise." Courtney stood up and hugged Natasha, sobbing against her. Natasha smiled and stroked Courtney's long blonde hair, feeling like maybe now Courtney wouldn't feel so alone, just like Corrine. Courtney eventually pulled herself away and sat down beside Nat, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "...I miss her so much," Courtney said, "and...thank you. Thank you for being there." "Of course," Nat said, "I know what it's like to be left." *** The bell above the door rang, and Noreen looked around to spot Natasha coming in and seating herself at the small round table in the corner. Noreen had already ordered coffee for them both, and was eating from a box of donuts. "Thanks for inviting me," Natasha said. "I figured it was important for us to get to know one another," Noreen said, "So, did you do what you wanted? Did it go over well?" "It went over great, actually," Nat said, picking a donut out for herself and sipping her coffee, "I figured everyone else in my life deserved to get a gift, since I got one." Noreen raised an eyebrow. "You got a gift?" "I got a sister," Natasha said, making Noreen laugh. And for the first time in over two years....things really were simple again.
0 Comments
How had they gotten here?
Sitting at this table across from her once beloved husband, Natasha couldn't believe she was about to nullify their marriage. Stephen was staring at the table, and wouldn't even look up at her, which made Nat all the more angry. Their lawyers weren't in the room - they said they'd give the couple a bit to say whatever they had to - and would reenter once they were ready to sign the papers. Natasha exhaled and leaned back, crossing her arms and tossing her bangs from her eyes. "I just need to know why," Nat said, "That's it. I'll sign it, I don't care to salvage something like this, but before I allow us to get on with our lives, I need to know why. And don't tell me there's no reason, there's always a reason." "I...I mean, yeah, there's a reason," Stephen said, "but you probably don't want to hear it." "It's that bad?" Nat asked, whispering as she leaned over the table a bit. "I wouldn't call it bad, but you would," Stephen said, "I don't know, maybe you wouldn't. You only ever see the good in people." "That's not at all true, trust me," Nat replied, "It can't be worse than anything I've done or felt this past year." Stephen sighed and stood up, running his hands through his hair as he began pacing in the room. Nat leaned back in her chair, putting her feet up on the table, crossing her arms again as she watched and waited for whatever it was Stephen was trying to find the right words to say. "I don't...I don't know how to say this without sounding selfish," he finally said, "because, like, I wanted you to be successful, and I supported what you did, and I could see all the good it brought people and brought even to yourself. And yet, I felt like you ignored me. I know that's not the most original reason but, you went out to help everyone else, but you never thought about helping me. We were supposed to be a team, but I didn't fit into your world anymore, and it made me feel lost and confused." "...that's...fair, yeah," Natasha said, "I mean, you're absolutely right to feel that way. I did get really invested in it, and ignored you, yeah. I won't deny that. But maybe if you had told me that instead of letting it fester inside you-" "I did tell you that," Stephen said, surprising her. "What? Wh-when?" "At Violet's birthday, the year before I left," Stephen said, "I told you while we were in the kitchen, alone, and sure, it probably wasn't the right time, but I couldn't deal with it anymore, and so I told you and you said we would deal with it, and work at it, and then nothing ever came of it. Your sister found me crying in the backyard after that, and we started talking, and I realized she...she was far more open than you ever said you were. I think, after a point, being open to you became more of a character trait then an actual personality trait. You became the Nat you played on television, not the Nat I knew, and the Nat you played on television had no hang ups, had no family, all she had was good intentions, and Violet and myself suddenly were dead weight." "That isn't true at all! I loved Violet, I love Violet, she's my entire world!" Nat said, standing up now herself and glaring at Stephen as she continued, "and sure, maybe I let what I was doing get in the way of my home life, but...but..." Stephen stared at her, and realized tears were forming in her eyes. "...I don't think we were ever supposed to be together," Nat said, surprising him. "What?" he asked, half laughing in shock. "I think...I think we married way too young, and...and then with Violet, it was like, well, this is what you do, you make a family, and sure we had things in common, but certainly not our aspirations for what we wanted out of life in the long run. And maybe all of this could've been easier to accept had it not been my own sister you shacked up with." "Yeah, that...that probably sucked," Stephen said, leaning against the wall, sighing, "I'm really sorry, Nat, about everything happening the way it did. I should've just told you I was tired and wanted out, but even then it would've been painful." "Not half as painful as what you did, I'll tell you that right now," Nat said, seating herself again, adding, "okay, I'm willing to take a good portion of the blame. Sure. My attention was divided, unfairly so, and I didn't listen enough to the people I should've...my family. But I need you to admit something to me before I sign this." "What is that?" "I need you to tell me you love me," Nat said, sniffling, "I know it sounds stupid, and I know we're not getting back together, and I know that it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense after everything that's happened, but I really need to hear you say it." Stephen smiled and approached the table, sitting down again and reaching across, taking Nat's hands in his own. "I'm always going to love you, Natty," Stephen said, "even after everything, I'm never not going to love you, even if we're not together. You're the mother of my child, and even if we hadn't had a baby, I....I don't think I could ever not love you. You're such a good person, and I admire you so deeply for that. So yes, I will always love you, in some way or another." Nat smiled as Stephen reached up and wiped the tears away from her face. Her fingers fumbled with the pen on the table as she picked it back up and pressed it to the paper. "I'm sorry," Stephen whispered, "I really am." "I am too," Nat said, as she signed her name, and then slid the paper to Stephen and handed him the pen, watching as he signed his own name. After they finished they sat there staring at one another, until the door opened and their respective lawyers reentered the room. After everything had been taken care of, Stephen and Natasha walked outside the room and stopped in the hall of the courthouse, staring at one another; Stephen's hands in his coat pockets, Nat's hands under her coat slung on her arms. "Well," she finally said, "I guess I should get on my way. I'm setting up for my live show. You gonna come?" "Would you want me to? Wouldn't it be awkward?" Stephen asked. "Naw, it's fine," Nat said, waving her hand at him, "it'll be fine. Besides, I likely won't even see you in the crowd, so who cares. Besides, Violet's gonna be there, so she'll probably appreciate seeing you." "She hasn't really seemed to enjoy the time we've spent together, so I don't know how true that would be," Stephen said, "but sure, I'll drop by. We'll drop by." Nat wrapped her arms around Stephen and held him close, as he did with her. He smelled her hair, and remembered a time when he could get lost in her fragrance, a time that was all but lost to him now. She still smelled nice, but it didn't ignite anything in him now like it once had. After the hug broke, each one departed for their car in the parking lot. After watching Stephen drive away, Natasha turned her car on and sat there for a brief moment, trying not to cry. It was official. She was divorced. After all this time, she was finally separated from that part of her life, and she could begin to make a new part of her life. A better part. A part with less pain. A part with a real future, a real show, a real family. With Violet, with her friends...with Jay. And suddenly things didn't seem so scary after all. *** Corrine was seated at the sound board table in the upper area of the arena, fiddling with settings, when the door opened and Nat entered. Corrine pulled her headphones down around her neck and looked up, surprised to see her. Corrine checked her watch. "I...I thought you weren't coming until later," she said, sounding flustered. "Well, it didn't take as long as I had thought it would," Nat said, "What are you doing here? I thought you were still working on-" "I finished," Corrine said, "After our little spat, I finished quite easily, so I decided to come right over here and start getting things set up for the live show this weekend." "Oh, well okay, cool, thanks," Natasha said as she took her coat off and collapsed onto the couch. Corrine turned around in her rolling chair, looking at Nat. "Um, are you okay? I've never been married, so I've never been divorced so I...I don't really have any, uh, you know, experience in dealing with this sort of stuff and besides I've only really had one relationship and it wasn't even really a real relationship so I don't know that that counts but-" "Corrine," Nat asked, looking up at her. "Yeah?" "...thanks for believing in me," Natasha said, "...thanks for being one of those people who just blindly believed in what I wanted to do and was willing to help me do it. I don't think I could've pulled this whole thing off without your input. Your expertise as an editor. And, uh, I'm sorry about that fight. I shouldn't have questioned you. You were right. I hired you to do the best job, and I shouldn't have gotten in the way." This surprised Corrine, as she hadn't expected someone so attached to their project to admit they were wrong. "It...it's okay, it's okay, really, um, I understand," Corrine said. "I guess, when you annul your marriage, you sort of realize you can't be right all the time, even if you've made a career out of giving people what you assume to be solid advice," Natasha said, finally sitting upright on the sofa, pulling her legs to her chest and resting her chin on them, saying, "...you've never had a relationship?" "Well, I mean, kind of, it's complicated," Corrine said, blushing, "I...I don't really wanna, ya know, bore you with it or anything." "You won't." "...it was someone I grew up knowing, and...and we don't know eachother anymore. They moved away. I...I was gonna...they asked me to move with them, but my parents said I wouldn't be able to finish school if I did." "Why? Couldn't you just transfer your courses?" "Uh, yeah, but they wouldn't pay for it if I went with this person," Corrine said, looking embarrassed. "...oh, I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't-" "No, it's...it's fine. We all lose the people we think we're supposed to be with, but I guess we wind up with other people we're supposed to be with, right? You lost your husband, I lost my....person....but here we are, making something together." Natasha stood up and walked over to the chair, kneeling in front of it and looking at her. "...why would they not want you to-" "I don't...really wanna talk about it, okay?" "Okay, I'm...I'm sorry. I just...as a parent, I can't imagine telling my child they couldn't be with someone they love, I mean, unless they were a predator or something," Nat said, "but it's okay, we don't have to talk about it. I'm going to run down to the snack machine and get some bags of chips and cookies and whatnot, maybe some sodas, you want anything?" Corrine shook her head. Natasha stood up, wiped her pants off and headed to the door, opening it before hearing Corrine's chair squeaking as it turned to face the door. Nat stopped and looked back. "You're a good mom," Corrine said, "...Violet is lucky, because...we don't all get good moms. I didn't...their name was Katherine. She gave me that glass turtle, remember? The one you saw in my dorm? We...we were friends growing up, and..." "Oh," Nat said, everything suddenly clicking in her head, "oh god, I'm so sorry. Your parents shouldn't-" "It doesn't matter," Corrine said, rubbing her nose on her sweater sleeve, "they already did, and it's over. It's easier to just stay hidden than lose everything." "No, no Corrine, that's...you want a mom who will accept you? I can be that mom," Nat said, "I mean, that motherly figure, and you don't have to live under their thumb anymore. Don't do what I did. Don't make the mistake of doing something just because it's what others expect you to do. Don't get me wrong, I loved Stephen, but we probably wouldn't have stayed together if we hadn't...anyway, you don't have to stay hidden." "I need to get back to work," Corrine said, spinning her chair back around, facing the monitors and sound board once again, as Nat stood up and exited the room. As she wandered into the hallway, she stumbled into Jay, coming in with a cardboard thing full of coffee cups. "Hey!" he said, leaning in and kissing her cheek, "I'm surprised you're here! I ran out to get us all coffee, but I wasn't sure when you'd be back, so." "...I need your help," Nat said. "With what?" Natasha just smiled. "It's 4am, can we go home now?"Jay asked, leaning back in his chair, groaning.
Nat stood up and started pacing, then grabbed a nearby pillow off a chair, shoved her face into it and screamed at the top of her lungs. They'd been here, in this editing bay at the college, for 12 hours now. This normally wouldn't have taken so long, except that Corrine was adamant that something worked better than the way Nat and Jay thought it worked, and she wasn't budging until they at least agreed to try and see it from her perspective. "You hired me to do this job, so I am doing this job, and my expertise within this field is telling me that this is the better way to edit this," Corrine said. "I have a live show in 24 hours!" Nat said, "WE have a live show in 24 hours, and you're keeping me cooped up in here because you think a different angle and lighting works better than the one I've chosen? Why'd you even ask us to be here if you were just going to fight us on every goddamned turn!?" "Because it's your show!" Corrine yelled, standing up herself now, "Because you have the right to an opinion, but I also am the professional editor here, so I have a right to mine and I'm telling you that the way you want this done is wrong!" "Ladies!" Jay shouted, sitting upright, "Ladies, fuckin chill, okay? Holy shit. We've been stuck in here for hours with virtually no progress. This is the last scene of the last show of this run, and after this live show in 24 hours we can go our separate ways and not deal with eachothers bullshit again for a few months, but until that point, we need to come a common consensus, okay? Can we please just make this work?" Nat folded her arms and looked at Corrine, who sat back down in her editing chair. "Nobody ever believes in me," Corrine said quietly, "All my life, all the time I've been working on stuff, everyone's fought me every step of the way, even when they hire me to do the very thing they then fight with me about. It's outright exhausting trying to prove yourself over and over and over again. I get that I'm weird, but I'm also good at what I do." "Nobody said you weren't, Corrine, but is it really worth keeping us in perpetual limbo over?" Nat asked. "Yes! Because you want the very best, don't you? Well I'M the very best. This shot is the very best. I'm just doing what I think is the best for YOU," Corrine said. Nat walked back to the wall and put her head against it, shutting her eyes and whining softly. Jay glanced up over at her. "What're you doing?" he asked. "Trying to remember a time when I wasn't in this room," Nat said, making Jay smirk; Nat exhaled and looked back at Corrine, adding, "Look, I have to do something before my live show, and I need you at that live show, so just...do whatever you want." "No," Corrine said. "Excuse me?" Nat asked, surprised at the abrasiveness of her tone now. "I don't wanna win because you're too tired of arguing with me. I wanna win on the merit of my assumption being right. I want you to acknowledge that I'm correct," Corrine said, "That's what this is about. It's about...being heard." Nat wanted to scream, but she didn't want to be that mean to Corrine. She could see a lot of her daughter in Corrine, and that made her a bit more sympathetic towards her than she would've otherwise been at this point. Nat had always prided herself on being nice, on being understanding, but Corrine was really testing her limits tonight, and she hated herself for getting so angry. Nat picked up Jay's wallet and pulled out a few bills, opening Corrine's front door. "I'll be back in a few minutes," she said, "I'm going to the vending machine." As Nat exited, Corrine looked at Jay and then looked away. Jay sighed and stood up, stretching; cracking his back and yawning, Jay was clearly worn out and didn't know how much longer he could spend in this place. Suddenly he heard Corrine sniffling, and he approached her, putting his hand on her shoulder, but she jerked away from it. "It's nothing to cry about," Jay said softly, "We're all just really stressed and tired and it's been a hell of a few months. Getting this show together, getting the site up and running, and then finding out about her other sister...we've all been through the shit. You're fine." "Nobody ever listens to me," Corrine said, "She's supposed to listen to people, that's what she does. It's her whole thing, right? To listen and understand and accept. So why am I the exception? I'm just trying to make her show the best it can be, and this is what's needed to do that." Jay felt crushed. Corrine was losing her trust, her belief, in a woman who had seemingly dedicated her life to being there for others. This could not stand another minute. "You know," Jay said, "I have a cousin like you. She's very introverted but she's so incredibly smart and talented at what she does. I think that's why I liked you right from the get go, because I could see her in you. Some would call you two stubborn, but I don't think that's the right word. I'm not sure exactly what the right word is, but it isn't stubborn." "My parents, when they talk to me, hate me for choosing this career, this field of interest. They wanted me to be a doctor. I was supposed to be a doctor. I know all about medicine, I know all about anatomy. I grew up with my nose stuffed in medical textbooks, and instead I chose this line of work where people constantly undermine my professional opinion. Whether I'm a doctor or not, I'm still a professional." "Absolutely," Jay said, "I'll be right back." He turned and exited the room, finding Nat leaning against the wall a bit down the hall, sipping from a can of ginger ale and eating a payday candy bar. She offered him a bite, but he politely declined and folded his arms, staring at her. "What?" Nat asked. "You need to be nicer to her," Jay said, "You need to, like, listen to her, okay? She's...she's right. Not just about what angle is correct for the shot, but also about everything else. You wouldn't want someone telling you how to word something you say on screen, right? Well she doesn't want anyone telling her how to edit. She's smart, Natasha, she's probably too damn smart for her own good, and she deserves to be recognized intellectually. You need to go in and apologize." "Excuse me?" Nat asked, burping and sticking the remainder of the candy bar in her back pants pocket, adding, "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" "She's becoming disenchanted with you. You're supposed to be the one person in this world that still gives a shit, and hears people when they speak, and yet here you are, arguing with her. This is what she does for a living, and she's doing it for you, not for her. Sure, she wants to be heard, but she's also trying to give you the best product." Nat looked at the floor and kicked it gently, nodding. "Alright, that's...that's fair, yeah," Nat said, "It's been such a hard year." "I know it has, but you have people who believe in you, and what's more important? Being right or being lonely?" Jay asked, and Nat nodded again. "Point taken." They headed back to the editing bay, and tried to open the door, only to find it locked. Jay knocked on the glass window and Natasha peered inside, spotting Corrine, huddled on the floor in a corner. Nat suddenly felt an awful sting in the pit of her stomach as she turned to Jay and sighed, running her hands through her long hair. "Fuck," she whispered. "Fuck indeed." "Move," she said, pushing him away from the door and putting herself up to it, "Corrine? Sweetheart, it's Nat. Can we come back in? Jay talked to me, and you're right, okay? I'm sorry. We'll do things your way, alright?" "I don't want your apology if it comes because Jay told you to," Corrine said, standing up and heading to the other side of the window, looking out, "I want you to apologize and recognize I'm correct because you actually think I am, not because you've been shamed into it." "Jesus christ!" Nat screamed, "You have to be KIDDING ME! What does she want?!" "She wants to be heard, genuinely heard. Her own parents don't even recognize what she's chosen to do with her life, and now her own co-worker, the person she should look up to, is doing the same thing? Do you really wanna be on the same level as the very people she's trying to escape?" Natasha sighed and put her back against the door, sliding down it to the floor. Jay sat down beside her, and they heard the sound of Corrine doing the same on the other side of the door. "It's not a personal thing," Nat said, "Corrine? You know that, right? This show is my everything. It's right up there just below my daughter in terms of importance to me. That's why I'm so overly protective...but maybe being protective is what's kept me from really connecting to others in the same field as me. I guess I should recognize that if I'm good at what I do, others are equally as good at what they do as well." Corrine didn't respond, but they could hear her sniffling through the door, and Nat felt terrible. She'd been acting like an ass all night, and she wanted to make up for that. "Corrine?" she asked, turning, putting one of her hands on the door, "can I make you a full partner? Would that make up for it? Give you actual stake in the company?" "What?" Jay asked, surprised. "I want to prove to you that I have faith and confidence in you and what you do, and what better way to do that than outright putting the company on the line?" Nat asked, "Corrine, what do you say? You were right, and you get a personal ownership stake in the company, yeah?" A moment passed. Then another. Then the door unlocked and Corrine pulled it open and stood there, wiping her eyes on her sweatshirt sleeve. Nat put her arms around Corrine and pulled her in for a hug, rubbing her back and stroking her hair. Jay stood back and smiled, watching, appreciating this Natasha, the one he really knew. After this, they got the show finished and all decided to go out to a nearby diner for a really early breakfast. Sitting there across from Jay and Nat, Corrine felt like she had a new set of parents, ones that actually believed in her. Scooping pancakes into her mouth, she couldn't have been happier. "What you got on the agenda now?" Jay asked, sipping his coffee. "Take a nap," Nat said, leaning into him and resting, "and then I have to go to the courthouse to do something before the live show." "What do you have to do?" Corrine asked, mouth full of syrup, making them laugh. "...finalize my divorce," Nat whispered. She would have to do this. It couldn't be avoided. But for the time being, she was going to simply appreciate the warmth of the moment, and milk this for as long as she could before life intruded on her once again. After breakfast, Jay back to his apartment, having driven them to the diner and back to the college, leaving Nat and Corrine alone again in her dorm room. Nat was zipping up her coat and making sure she had everything when she felt something in the back of her pocket and pulled out a candy bar. "Want the rest of this payday?" Nat asked Corrine, who laughed and took it happily; Nat pulled her beanie on and sighed, looking at Corrine and adding, "I'm really sorry. I behaved poorly, and I shouldn't be like that. I don't want you to not believe in me, but more importantly, I never want you to stop believing in yourself. And I'm sorry your folks don't appreciate you." "It isn't just the career," Corrine said, "It's a lot of things." "For what it's worth, my folks weren't super great to me or my sister either. We both grew up in a somewhat absent household, but I like to think that I'm making up for their shortcomings by being there for my own daughter, and apparently now other peoples as well. But, I guess if that's what I'm good for, then I'm glad to be good at something so worth being good at." Nat walked to the door and, keys in hand, waved to Corrine as she opened it, but Corrine ran to her and threw her arms around her again, squeezing her tightly. "I'm sorry too," she whispered. "You don't have to be sorry," Nat said, "I'm the one who acted like an idiot. You're fine. Just keep doing what you do, and I'll see you at the live show." Natasha left, leaving Corrine alone in her dorm. Corrine sat down and looked at Nat on the screen, and smiled to herself. As she bit into the remainder of the payday, she couldn't help but feel like perhaps she'd finally found the people she'd always wished she could have around her. Certainly, her own folks hadn't been the greatest, and she tried to go for as long as possible these days without even talking to them, but maybe now she could finally move on for good. Corrine scrolled the video back and played the beginning, watching through the video one more time before exporting, and then went to lay down on the couch. It'd been such a long day. When Nat arrived home, Violet wasn't there, and she realized it was already about 8 in the morning. She exhaled and headed upstairs, seated herself on the bed and looked at the phone near the bed. She picked it up and dialed a number. A few rings went by, and finally someone picked up, and Nat smiled. "Hi mom," she said. |
About
Public Access follows Natasha Simple, a self qualified "self help" instructor with her own show on local public access. But when she makes a sudden and surprising statement on air, her entire life changes, for the better...and the worse. Archives
December 2022
|