430 subscribers, and only two episodes had been released. This was going better than Natasha had expected it to. Of course, Jay had told her that most people were tech savvy and would therefore easily migrate to a new platform to follow someone they liked enough, but even still. Two episodes and already that many subscribers? Ridiculous. The inbox for the website they'd created was already flooded with many e-mails - either subscriptions to the newsletter, the site itself or simply congratulatory sort of stuff - and she was having a hard time sifting through all of it. It was while doing the third episode that Jay finally snapped.
"We need to hire an editor," he'd said, making Natasha groan. "I don't want to bring more people on, we already brought on Sharla, and that was more than I wanted," Nat whined, "Do we need to hire an editor?" "Dude, I can not make everything and edit it, I simply don't have the drive to do that. It's too much work for one man, even one as great as I am," Jay said, making her laugh as he added, "I'll vet some folks, we'll find someone, okay?" "We could just put an ad online," Nat replied, "We could just...you know, throw something up somewhere saying we're looking for someone to do a small editing job for us. Who knows what kind of response we would get." "That's exactly what I'm afraid of. Who knows what kind of response we would get. We could wind up with a lunatic if they're not carefully vetted," Jay said, "I'll ask my former film teacher at the local college if he knows any good students. He's trustworthy, and I know he wouldn't just turn someone awful loose on us." The door opened and Violet and Courtney entered, pulling their packs off and dumping them on the floor. Violet sat beside her mother, who kissed her forehead, as Courtney collapsed in a chair, exhaling loudly. "Long day?" Jay asked, going back to his work. "Exhausting," Courtney said, "Why is school so hard? I mean, they hide behind this excuse that they're preparing us for the real world, but I guarantee you that nobody in the real world is going to ever quiz me on the street about Sherlock Holmes and its literary qualities and influences. Why do they make us study this?" "Life's a mystery," Jay said, smirking as Courtney glared at him. "Hey, it's a little late for jokes, alright?" she replied, making everyone laugh. Natasha took the girls out for pizza that night, while Jay went to speak with his former film teacher. He and Nat made plans to meet the following day and go over some potential editors, which made Natasha extremely nervous. She was terrified of bringing in too many people. She was afraid that, somehow, it would make things too crowded, too complicated, too tense. While she sat downstairs and tried to relax that evening after dinner, Courtney and Violet were upstairs and looking at her website on Courtney's laptop. Sitting on the floor together, scrolling through the comments left by viewers, Courtney just shook her head in awe. "This is so cool," she muttered, "Your mom is so cool." "My mom is pretty great," Violet said. "She's going to wind up really reaching a much wider audience than she ever would have on public access," Courtney said, "...this comment is weird." Violet scooted closer and together they read over the comment, which read: "I can't believe it's you. I can't believe you're real. I can't believe I found this. Please know that I look up to you. I am your biggest fan." Violet and Courtney looked at one another, both perplexed. Who was this commenter, and how could they find out? *** Jay knocked a few times, but nobody answered. He glanced at Natasha, who shrugged and so he knocked again. Again no answer. They were standing in the hallway of a college dorm, with kids milling about all around them. Jay checked the paper as Natasha sighed. "Are you even sure this is the right room?" she asked, and he nodded. "Yes, I'm sure," Jay replied, sounding annoyed. "What's her name?" "Corrine Welkes," Jay said, "She's supposedly the best editor he's got. Top of her class, already getting gigs here and there, really making a name for herself." Finally as he raised his fist to knock one final time, the door creaked open and the face of a young, pale woman peeked out through the crack at them. She pushed the long errant bangs of black hair from her eyes and looked back and forth between Jay and Natasha. "Can I help you?" she asked. "We're here to talk to you about an editing job," Jay said. "...okay, come in," Corrine said, opening the door, letting them come inside. The dorm was completely dark, except for the Japanese paper lanterns she'd strung up across the room, and a batch of computer lights here and there at a work station. She was dressed in an oversized flannel and khaki pants, certainly no slave the fashion, and her hair was black and frizzy and huge. She sat back down at her desk, as Jay and Natasha pulled up neighboring stools and seated themselves. "What is this job?" she asked, squinting her eyes before adjusting the large glasses sitting on her face and saying, "hey...you're that lady who went whacko on TV." "I am indeed that lady who went whacko on TV, you got me," Nat replied, chuckling, "not really my finest moment, and after I went whacko at a school assembly, it cost me my job, so. That's actually why we're here. We've started doing my show again but we're putting it on the internet, and we need you to edit it for us. It's simply too much work for us to take on ourselves." "...does it pay?" "I mean, sure, why wouldn't it?" Nat asked, "and as profits continue to go up, your pay will increase. It's a joint venture between everyone involved. But I would need the work done well and on time." "You think I'm not good?" Corrine asked. "I...I didn't say that, I'm just ensuring that if I'm going to pay you, that you'll do it," Nat said. "...okay," Corrine said, her buck front teeth biting her bottom lip, "...I want half of my paycheck made out to a separate address though. Can we swing that?" "Sure, whatever works for you," Jay said. As Jay and Corrine spoke about specifics, Natasha got up and strolled casually around the dorm, taking in all the posters on the wall - mostly film posters of classic or independent movies - and shelf after shelf of books. A few small glass animals adorned the shelves here and there, and she smiled at that. She liked seeing younger people having an interest in stuff grandmothers would have an interest in. As she picked up a glass turtle and looked at it in her palm, she heard Corrine behind her. "I got that from a friend in Hawaii," she said, surprising Nat, making her turn, startled, to face her. "R-really? Well that's pretty cool," she replied. "I don't get to see her much now, so it's kind of special to me," Corrine said, "it also got me interested in other tiny glass animals. I have a giraffe and a dog and lots others. But the turtle is the best on by far, just because of the memory of who gave it to me." Natasha smiled and placed the glass turtle back on the shelf. "I totally get that. I have things that mean a lot to me because of where they came from or who they came from, so I understand completely." "Can I ask you a question?" Corrine asked. "Sure, what?" "Why'd you go whacko?" Nat sighed and leaned against the wall while Jay filled out some papers for Corrine to sign. Corrine chewed on her nails nervously, her bouncy black hair bobbing as she bit on her fingertips. "...I think I started to really, like, push how I felt about things down at a certain point, and it finally exploded when he left, culminating in that outburst. But, oddly enough, the truth is freeing. Not the rage, the rage is bad, and I'm trying harder to control that now, but the truth proper is...very weirdly freeing. To finally accept that I feel things, and that it's okay to feel things. You'd think I'd have figured that out a long time ago considering how much of my career has been based around telling complete and total strangers how they feel is valid and that they should take care of themselves, but...I don't know, I just never really extended that lesson to myself, I suppose." "it can be bad to feel things sometimes," Corrine whispered, "especially when they're things that can get you hurt." Natasha looked at her, confused, but nodded. Jay called Corrine back over to do the signing, and as she watched them, it slowly dawned on her just what a couple of weirdos she'd gotten herself involved in, and how little this new family resembled the one she once had with her husband. She then crossed her arms and smiled. She really wouldn't have it any other way. *** "It would be very hard to track them down, considering this isn't public access," Courtney said as they glanced at the comment again and again; she tossed her hair and added, "because it's global, it could be anyone from anywhere and we'll never know." Violet groaned and flopped onto her back on the bed, leaving Courtney on the floor. "I'm my moms biggest fan," Violet said, making Courtney smile as she continued, "but I, like, wanna know who...uh...who it could be, because...because it...it might be someone we, um, we know or something. Or maybe, like, not, and maybe uh, maybe they are dangerous and scary?" "I highly doubt someone has it out for a woman who had a public access show," Courtney said, snickering. "But I have to know, cause, I, ya know, um, like I don't...I don't want someone to hurt my mom," Violet said, sitting up on the bed now, sniffling as though she were going to cry, "I don't...I wanna...make sure she's safe. She's always, like, made sure I'm safe, you know? It's only fair." Courtney smiled and stood up from the floor, seating herself on the foot of the bed and holding Violet's hand. "Then we'll do whatever it takes to track them down, okay? Maybe we can ask the guy who's working with her, Jay? He's a tech guy. Maybe he knows what to do," Courtney said, "Whatever it is, Violet, I'll help you keep her safe, I promise." This eased Violet's worry. Not much, but it did. *** "What a weirdo," Nat said under her breath as she and Jay sat in his car in the parking lot of a fast food taco place, both eating equally unhealthy things for dinner; she wiped her mouth on her arm and said, "I just...she's so odd. But you say she's the best, and she did show us that reel of hers and it was really good, so I guess we can't really say no to someone with that level of expertise." "She was odd, sure," Jay said, taking a big bite, "but often the weirdos are the best in the entertainment world, so I say welcome aboard. It isn't like Sharla isn't weird." "Are you kidding me? Sharla's the most normal one of us all," Nat replied, laughing as she pushed taco meat into her mouth, "She's literally the most level headed, seemingly human one out of the whole group. She's an actual person and we're all just...just weird cardboard cutouts of people." Jay finished his food and laid back in his seat, sighing, resting his hand on his chest and exhaling. "...maybe we're all whackos, and that's why we get along," Nat said, "Maybe we just...needed to find one another to finally have people we trusted in our lives. I don't think I should be looked up to, of course, lord knows I have made a mess of things, but-" "That isn't fair, dude, you didn't make a mess of things, your ex did. He's the one who walked out on his family, for his own wifes sister, okay? He's the one who fucked up, not you. You're a good person, Natasha. You're such a good person that it's, like, sickening. That's why you draw people to you. They feel safe around you, because you are a safe person. That's the best gift someone can give someone else, is that feeling of safety." Natasha looked at Jay, who was sitting up in the car now, looking at her. He pulled his cap off, running his hands through his hair and sighing. "Like, I not only was grateful because you let me work with you, but I was just so...inspired by the fact that your show existed primarily to help other people. You weren't doing it for the money. You've told me that before. You've told me how you did it because people needed help, they needed guidance, and the world was letting them down, and that's just not okay, and you're right, it's not okay. So you stepped up and you said 'listen, these people who are lying to you, religious leaders, politicians, your own family? they aren't the ones you should be listening to. you should be listening to yourself'. You didn't even tell them to listen to you, you told them to listen to themselves, and that's what's wild. It would've been so easy to simply usurp an authority figures place with yourself, but you told these people the only authority that mattered was their own." Nat put her food down, grabbed the back of Jay's head and pulled him in, kissing him. Jay was surprised, but he didn't resist. She climbed out of her carseat and into his lap, kissing him passionately, feeling his hands in her hair now. It started to rain outside, but they didn't care. She knew Violet was home and safe. She knew the show was well on its way to being a success. Right now was all that mattered. Right here. Her own happiness for a change. *** She shut her laptop down and sat cross legged on her bed. A knock on the door came, and she glanced over at it, as the door swung open and an older woman entered, cheerful and bright. "Are you still hungry?" she asked, and Noreen shook her head. "No thank you," she said, "...I found her." "You did?" "She's uploading videos to the internet. She has her own website," Noreen said, making the woman smile and nod. "Well that's great to know," she said, "I'll bring you your medications and a glass of cocoa." With that the older woman exited, leaving Noreen to lay back on her bed and stare at the mobile hanging overhead. She'd finally found her. After all this time, after all these years, she'd tracked her down, and they didn't even live in different cities or states. All this time they'd been that close to one another...amazing. She smiled and shut her eyes. Doris would be back with the cocoa and her anti-psychotics in a matter of minutes, and she'd take both and go to sleep, knowing full well that now that she had Natasha to guide her... ...there was nothing she couldn't do.
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Public Access follows Natasha Simple, a self qualified "self help" instructor with her own show on local public access. But when she makes a sudden and surprising statement on air, her entire life changes, for the better...and the worse. Archives
December 2022
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