Noreen's eyes were wide, her jaw was slack. She knew it was true, she'd always known somehow, but to actually hear it said out loud...that simply created a whole new set of questions, a whole new reality that now had to be grappled with.
"You do understand, right?" Doris asked, and Noreen nodded; Doris smiled and continued, "We love you like our own, even if you aren't, so please don't think we're telling you this to hurt you or anything. We just think it's right you know that while we're not where you came from, we still love you like we would have our own baby." Noreen was only 10 when she was told this news. Her parents, - could she still call them parents? - John and Doris Stack were sitting across from her in their living room, telling her that she'd been adopted. Noreen had always suspected something was amiss with her family, and now it was nice to have those suspicions confirmed. And Doris was right, it didn't change a thing. Noreen still loved them like parents, and would continue to well into her adulthood. After all, they'd been the ones who'd raised her, who'd taken her in, who'd loved her so deeply. So no, it wasn't this news that changed her life, in fact, it was the next thing John said that changed it. "Your parents wanted kids, but they just felt they were too young then to have them. You would've been the oldest sister, and they didn't know the first thing about child rearing." The oldest sister. Noreen had siblings?...not knowing her actual parents, that she could live with, but not knowing her sisters? That she couldn't accept. After all the bullying she'd gotten at the hands of her peers, and would continue to get for years, she had to know her sisters. But her parents wouldn't give her anymore information, much to her annoyance, and it wasn't until she saw Natasha on television one day as an adult that something in her head suddenly clicked for her, and she knew, she just knew, this was the sister she was looking for. Suddenly Noreen's life made sense, and she was going to do whatever it took to get in touch with her. *** "She's not stupid," Noreen's teacher said to John and Doris during a sit down conference one day, "she's just...struggling. She's clearly got mental blockages, and I want to help her get past that and excel. I believe she has the capacity to do great things, be someone great, and all she needs is the right help." "We know Noreen is challenged," John said, cupping his hands in his crossed legs, "we're aware that we're likely going to have to take care of her for most of her life, and we struggle sometimes to think how she's going to manage without us once we're gone. We've looked into housing options for challenged people, the intellectually disadvantaged and whatnot, but it's all so expensive. We're not poor, by any means, but we're also not rockafellas." "I can help her, I know I can," her teacher, Katrina, said, "She's a bright, articulate young lady, she just needs some help getting her thoughts organized and out of her head in a way that makes sense to her. Every child has a different way of learning, and that's true even for challenged children. If anything it's more true. I have a cousin I helped growing up who was intellectually disadvantaged, and so I know what to do. I'm not saying one is exactly like the other, but I am saying that I think I'm fairly qualified." "Well, if you think you can help," Doris said, smiling politely. Sitting in the car on the way home, Doris and John didn't talk about the meeting. They hadn't known Noreen was challenged when they got her. She was a baby after all. It wasn't until she was 3 or 4 that they began to see signs, and truth be told, neither one cared. They loved her just the same. But the importance the rest of the world put on smarts made them nervous for Noreen's potential future, or lack of one. Doris opened her purse and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up as John drove. "She's a nice lady," Doris said, exhaling smoke out the passenger side window, "and I do think she genuinely cares and wants to help. That being said I won't deny that it makes me scared. Noreen is special, and I don't mean mentally, I mean she's actually special to us and I don't want the world to take advantage of her just because she thinks differently." "I know what you mean, and I couldn't agree more," John said, "That's why we have to do everything in our power to make Noreen realize that who she is, what she is, is normal and fine. Getting help is something everyone does, regardless of their intellectual capacity, and she shouldn't be ashamed of that. If anything, needing help only makes her more like everyone else." "Exactly," Doris said, taking another long drag, then holding it for a second before releasing, "...we're doing a good job, right? As parents?" "I think so," John replied, rubbing his wife's leg and smiling at her, "I think, given the circumstances, she couldn't have ended up with better people to raise her." Noreen began staying after school with Katrina, and as a result, she did in fact begin to do better. Katrina did actually have what it took to get Noreen to not only understand the assignments, but flourish within an educational facility. That's why, a few years later, when Katrina got into a bad car accident and died, Noreen retreated into her personal space. She felt like the only person who could ever understand how her brain worked was now gone, and without knowing her siblings, who could she really look to? So Noreen began sitting inside. Watching television. Reading. Making crafts. And eventually, she wound up on the internet, using it as a tool to help her understand the world at large. It wasn't until Natasha's show went off the air and moved online that she finally found a way to contact her, and she wouldn't have done so if Katrina hadn't died. Katrina's death taught Noreen that you need to reach out to the people you think can change your life, while you still have the chance to do so. And thus the commenting began. *** "Mom?" Violet asked, standing in the hallway outside Noreen's bedroom, cell phone pushed to her ear, "Mom?" "Yeah, hi sweetheart, what's going on? Are you okay?" Nat replied. "I'm, um, I'm fine, mom, yeah, uh and um....mom I need you to come over to, uh, where we are." "...oh...okay," Nat said, "Where are you guys? Give me the address." After she finished the phone call, Violet hung up and re-entered the bedroom. She stood and looked at Noreen, who was standing looking out her bedroom window at her father down in the garden. Violet joined her. Jay and Courtney went to wait outside for Natasha, leaving the two girls alone. "It's nice, to, uh, to know where I come from," Violet finally said in a hushed voice, "You know, like, um, like...like discovering your origins, or whatever." "I know what you mean," Noreen said, flashing her a big toothy grin, "When my parents told me I was adopted, I didn't care, but when they told me I would've been the oldest sister, that made me want to know my family. Your mother helped make sense of the world for me, because she made me realize it doesn't have to be mean, and you can be a good person for no discernible reason, expecting nothing in return." "Your speaking skills are good," Violet said, almost embarrassed. "I spoke like you when I was your age," Noreen said, "You'll grow out of it. It took some self control, but you'll get there. I just can't believe I'm finally going to meet my little sister. Has she had a good life?" "She's...um....not really, not, uh, lately. Dad left a while ago, and uh, and for her sister, so that...that's been, um, uncool," Violet said, seating herself on the bed, adding, "I try to, ya know, like...make her, um, happy? Or at least, like, make her know I'm there for her? But..." Noreen raised an eyebrow as she awaited the rest of Violet's statement. "...I don't think anyone knows I'm anywhere except for Courtney." "Well at least you have one good friend," Noreen said, "Growing up all I really had were my parents, and I loved them for their companionship, but it would've been nice to maybe know someone my own age." "I always kind of, uh, wondered how I, you know, fit in, because mom and dad are..." They waited. "...normal?" "That isn't the right word," Noreen said, "But I know what you mean." "But now that I know you, it all makes sense," Violet said, "So, like, thanks...I guess?" Noreen smiled and rubbed her nieces back. After all this time, after all these years, she finally knew what it was like to truly be related to someone, and it just so happened to be someone she saw a lot of herself in. The good thing was, Noreen liked herself, which made seeing herself in Violet only love her that much more. *** Before her husband left for her sister, Natasha and her sister, Ashley, had been fairly close. Some might even say they'd been best friends. But after that betrayal, they didn't speak, and Nat had only just begun talking to her ex, and only for the benefit of her daughter having a father in her life, fairly recently. Driving towards this unknown destination in a neighborhood she'd never been to before, she couldn't help but think about how different things would've been had she and Stephen had in fact had a second child like they'd planned to. What would Violet be like if she had a sibling? Course, she had Courtney to watch out for her, and Nat appreciated that friendship, but still. Natasha felt madder at Ashley than she did at Stephen for the longest time, because Stephen was just a man she met, fell in love with and married. She could understand him making a mistake. But her own sister? Someone she'd known her whole life? Someone she'd trusted with her deepest, innermost secrets? That was unforgivable. Natasha chewed nervously on her lip as she pulled up the house and parked, spying Jay and Courtney waiting outside, playing cards. They looked at one another, then back towards the car, and stood up as Natasha exited. "Where's Violet?" Nat asked as she came up the walkway. "She's inside, upstairs. You should head on up," Jay said. Nat pushed past them and headed inside, determined to figure out what this was all about once and for all. Boy would she be surprised. *** "That's her," Noreen said, pointing at her laptop as she and Doris sat at the kitchen table. "That's your sister? You know this for sure?" Doris asked, and Noreen nodded; Doris smiled and rubbed Noreen's back, adding, "Well, if that's what you think then you should do what you have to to reach her. I fully support whatever it is you need to do to feel more comfortable in your personhood. If that means making contact with your siblings, I support that." "Thank you," Noreen said, "...she looks a lot like me, except for our teeth. She has a perfect smile. She has a perfect everything. I'm the reject." "You weren't the reject. If you were the reject, we wouldn't have taken you in, would we? We wanted you. That makes you not a reject," Doris said, and Noreen shrugged. "I...I guess," she replied, "...what if she doesn't like me?" "She's spent her entire career helping others understand and accept themselves, to better their lives. I think, if anything, her issue is she likes too much. I'm sure she'll be ecstatic to know she has another sister, especially after what her own did to her, if what you've told me is true. If anything, this doesn't make you the reject, this makes you the hero." Noreen looked back at the screen and smiled. "A real sister," she whispered, touching the screen gently with her fingertips. *** Natasha opened the door to the room and stopped dead in her tracks in the doorway, looking at Violet and Noreen sitting on the bed, side by side, hand in hand. She stared at them, and they stared back at her, and for one single moment, it felt like time itself had stopped entirely. "Violet, you're okay?" Nat asked, entering the room now, "Everything's alright? I was so worried." "I'm fine, mom," Violet said, standing up and putting her arms around her mother, "mom, this is Noreen." Noreen stood up approached Natasha, the two of them standing, eye to eye, but neither said a word. "What...what's going on here?" Natasha finally asked, and Noreen giggled. "This is all my fault," she said, "I...I found your site, and your videos, and I started commenting, and your daughter and her friends came looking for me. But...that's exactly what I wanted to happen. I wanted, or, rather, needed, to meet you." "What is this?" Nat asked, sounding a bit uncertain now as she put an arm on her daughter instinctively. "Before your parents had you and your sister, they had another baby," Noreen said, "...I was that baby. They were too young, and uh, and they...um...well, they gave me up for adoption. I was taken in by Doris and John, who own this house. But...when they said I would've been the older sister of someone, I knew I had to track you down, especially after, uh, after learning what happened between your sister and husband." Natasha couldn't speak. This wasn't happening. This was unreal. Another sister? A better sister? A sister who apparently spoke and acted like Violet, thus making Violet's mental challenges finally make sense in the course of their family timeline? No. This had to be a mixup or something. "I..." Natasha started, but she didn't even know how to start, "...my sister was my absolute best friend in the world, and when she took my husband from me, I felt so sick, I felt so betrayed, and the worst part was, the only person I wanted to talk to about it was my best friend, but she was the one who'd betrayed me. I was so alone. I mean, I had Violet, I'll always have Violet, and I love her to the ends of the earth, she's my daughter...but she shouldn't have to bear my pain as well as her own adolescent torture." Natasha reached out and touched Noreen's hair, almost as if this somehow made it more true. As if this texture could tell her this was real. "...what's your name?" "Noreen." "Hah...we...we even have names with the same first letter, funny," Natasha said, "...why didn't you try to contact mom and dad? Why didn't you...you know, try to contact your parents?" "Nat, why would I do that? I have parents, I don't have a sister," Noreen said, grinning as a smile broke on Natasha's face. As Natasha leaned into her new sister, squeezing her tight, the both of them crying heavily, Violet realized how well her mother had raised her. Violet had done what her mother had taught her to do. What she'd tried to teach everyone to do. To help one another. To love someone else. But all this time, nobody had been loving Natasha in the way she needed. Nobody had been helping her the way she needed. Not until Jay helped her start the site, and not until she had tracked down Noreen. Now it was time for Natasha to be helped, and loved. Yeah, Violet thought, she had a really good mom, and like Noreen had as a child, a great teacher.
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Public Access follows Natasha Simple, a self qualified "self help" instructor with her own show on local public access. But when she makes a sudden and surprising statement on air, her entire life changes, for the better...and the worse. Archives
December 2022
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