How had they gotten here?
Sitting at this table across from her once beloved husband, Natasha couldn't believe she was about to nullify their marriage. Stephen was staring at the table, and wouldn't even look up at her, which made Nat all the more angry. Their lawyers weren't in the room - they said they'd give the couple a bit to say whatever they had to - and would reenter once they were ready to sign the papers. Natasha exhaled and leaned back, crossing her arms and tossing her bangs from her eyes. "I just need to know why," Nat said, "That's it. I'll sign it, I don't care to salvage something like this, but before I allow us to get on with our lives, I need to know why. And don't tell me there's no reason, there's always a reason." "I...I mean, yeah, there's a reason," Stephen said, "but you probably don't want to hear it." "It's that bad?" Nat asked, whispering as she leaned over the table a bit. "I wouldn't call it bad, but you would," Stephen said, "I don't know, maybe you wouldn't. You only ever see the good in people." "That's not at all true, trust me," Nat replied, "It can't be worse than anything I've done or felt this past year." Stephen sighed and stood up, running his hands through his hair as he began pacing in the room. Nat leaned back in her chair, putting her feet up on the table, crossing her arms again as she watched and waited for whatever it was Stephen was trying to find the right words to say. "I don't...I don't know how to say this without sounding selfish," he finally said, "because, like, I wanted you to be successful, and I supported what you did, and I could see all the good it brought people and brought even to yourself. And yet, I felt like you ignored me. I know that's not the most original reason but, you went out to help everyone else, but you never thought about helping me. We were supposed to be a team, but I didn't fit into your world anymore, and it made me feel lost and confused." "...that's...fair, yeah," Natasha said, "I mean, you're absolutely right to feel that way. I did get really invested in it, and ignored you, yeah. I won't deny that. But maybe if you had told me that instead of letting it fester inside you-" "I did tell you that," Stephen said, surprising her. "What? Wh-when?" "At Violet's birthday, the year before I left," Stephen said, "I told you while we were in the kitchen, alone, and sure, it probably wasn't the right time, but I couldn't deal with it anymore, and so I told you and you said we would deal with it, and work at it, and then nothing ever came of it. Your sister found me crying in the backyard after that, and we started talking, and I realized she...she was far more open than you ever said you were. I think, after a point, being open to you became more of a character trait then an actual personality trait. You became the Nat you played on television, not the Nat I knew, and the Nat you played on television had no hang ups, had no family, all she had was good intentions, and Violet and myself suddenly were dead weight." "That isn't true at all! I loved Violet, I love Violet, she's my entire world!" Nat said, standing up now herself and glaring at Stephen as she continued, "and sure, maybe I let what I was doing get in the way of my home life, but...but..." Stephen stared at her, and realized tears were forming in her eyes. "...I don't think we were ever supposed to be together," Nat said, surprising him. "What?" he asked, half laughing in shock. "I think...I think we married way too young, and...and then with Violet, it was like, well, this is what you do, you make a family, and sure we had things in common, but certainly not our aspirations for what we wanted out of life in the long run. And maybe all of this could've been easier to accept had it not been my own sister you shacked up with." "Yeah, that...that probably sucked," Stephen said, leaning against the wall, sighing, "I'm really sorry, Nat, about everything happening the way it did. I should've just told you I was tired and wanted out, but even then it would've been painful." "Not half as painful as what you did, I'll tell you that right now," Nat said, seating herself again, adding, "okay, I'm willing to take a good portion of the blame. Sure. My attention was divided, unfairly so, and I didn't listen enough to the people I should've...my family. But I need you to admit something to me before I sign this." "What is that?" "I need you to tell me you love me," Nat said, sniffling, "I know it sounds stupid, and I know we're not getting back together, and I know that it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense after everything that's happened, but I really need to hear you say it." Stephen smiled and approached the table, sitting down again and reaching across, taking Nat's hands in his own. "I'm always going to love you, Natty," Stephen said, "even after everything, I'm never not going to love you, even if we're not together. You're the mother of my child, and even if we hadn't had a baby, I....I don't think I could ever not love you. You're such a good person, and I admire you so deeply for that. So yes, I will always love you, in some way or another." Nat smiled as Stephen reached up and wiped the tears away from her face. Her fingers fumbled with the pen on the table as she picked it back up and pressed it to the paper. "I'm sorry," Stephen whispered, "I really am." "I am too," Nat said, as she signed her name, and then slid the paper to Stephen and handed him the pen, watching as he signed his own name. After they finished they sat there staring at one another, until the door opened and their respective lawyers reentered the room. After everything had been taken care of, Stephen and Natasha walked outside the room and stopped in the hall of the courthouse, staring at one another; Stephen's hands in his coat pockets, Nat's hands under her coat slung on her arms. "Well," she finally said, "I guess I should get on my way. I'm setting up for my live show. You gonna come?" "Would you want me to? Wouldn't it be awkward?" Stephen asked. "Naw, it's fine," Nat said, waving her hand at him, "it'll be fine. Besides, I likely won't even see you in the crowd, so who cares. Besides, Violet's gonna be there, so she'll probably appreciate seeing you." "She hasn't really seemed to enjoy the time we've spent together, so I don't know how true that would be," Stephen said, "but sure, I'll drop by. We'll drop by." Nat wrapped her arms around Stephen and held him close, as he did with her. He smelled her hair, and remembered a time when he could get lost in her fragrance, a time that was all but lost to him now. She still smelled nice, but it didn't ignite anything in him now like it once had. After the hug broke, each one departed for their car in the parking lot. After watching Stephen drive away, Natasha turned her car on and sat there for a brief moment, trying not to cry. It was official. She was divorced. After all this time, she was finally separated from that part of her life, and she could begin to make a new part of her life. A better part. A part with less pain. A part with a real future, a real show, a real family. With Violet, with her friends...with Jay. And suddenly things didn't seem so scary after all. *** Corrine was seated at the sound board table in the upper area of the arena, fiddling with settings, when the door opened and Nat entered. Corrine pulled her headphones down around her neck and looked up, surprised to see her. Corrine checked her watch. "I...I thought you weren't coming until later," she said, sounding flustered. "Well, it didn't take as long as I had thought it would," Nat said, "What are you doing here? I thought you were still working on-" "I finished," Corrine said, "After our little spat, I finished quite easily, so I decided to come right over here and start getting things set up for the live show this weekend." "Oh, well okay, cool, thanks," Natasha said as she took her coat off and collapsed onto the couch. Corrine turned around in her rolling chair, looking at Nat. "Um, are you okay? I've never been married, so I've never been divorced so I...I don't really have any, uh, you know, experience in dealing with this sort of stuff and besides I've only really had one relationship and it wasn't even really a real relationship so I don't know that that counts but-" "Corrine," Nat asked, looking up at her. "Yeah?" "...thanks for believing in me," Natasha said, "...thanks for being one of those people who just blindly believed in what I wanted to do and was willing to help me do it. I don't think I could've pulled this whole thing off without your input. Your expertise as an editor. And, uh, I'm sorry about that fight. I shouldn't have questioned you. You were right. I hired you to do the best job, and I shouldn't have gotten in the way." This surprised Corrine, as she hadn't expected someone so attached to their project to admit they were wrong. "It...it's okay, it's okay, really, um, I understand," Corrine said. "I guess, when you annul your marriage, you sort of realize you can't be right all the time, even if you've made a career out of giving people what you assume to be solid advice," Natasha said, finally sitting upright on the sofa, pulling her legs to her chest and resting her chin on them, saying, "...you've never had a relationship?" "Well, I mean, kind of, it's complicated," Corrine said, blushing, "I...I don't really wanna, ya know, bore you with it or anything." "You won't." "...it was someone I grew up knowing, and...and we don't know eachother anymore. They moved away. I...I was gonna...they asked me to move with them, but my parents said I wouldn't be able to finish school if I did." "Why? Couldn't you just transfer your courses?" "Uh, yeah, but they wouldn't pay for it if I went with this person," Corrine said, looking embarrassed. "...oh, I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't-" "No, it's...it's fine. We all lose the people we think we're supposed to be with, but I guess we wind up with other people we're supposed to be with, right? You lost your husband, I lost my....person....but here we are, making something together." Natasha stood up and walked over to the chair, kneeling in front of it and looking at her. "...why would they not want you to-" "I don't...really wanna talk about it, okay?" "Okay, I'm...I'm sorry. I just...as a parent, I can't imagine telling my child they couldn't be with someone they love, I mean, unless they were a predator or something," Nat said, "but it's okay, we don't have to talk about it. I'm going to run down to the snack machine and get some bags of chips and cookies and whatnot, maybe some sodas, you want anything?" Corrine shook her head. Natasha stood up, wiped her pants off and headed to the door, opening it before hearing Corrine's chair squeaking as it turned to face the door. Nat stopped and looked back. "You're a good mom," Corrine said, "...Violet is lucky, because...we don't all get good moms. I didn't...their name was Katherine. She gave me that glass turtle, remember? The one you saw in my dorm? We...we were friends growing up, and..." "Oh," Nat said, everything suddenly clicking in her head, "oh god, I'm so sorry. Your parents shouldn't-" "It doesn't matter," Corrine said, rubbing her nose on her sweater sleeve, "they already did, and it's over. It's easier to just stay hidden than lose everything." "No, no Corrine, that's...you want a mom who will accept you? I can be that mom," Nat said, "I mean, that motherly figure, and you don't have to live under their thumb anymore. Don't do what I did. Don't make the mistake of doing something just because it's what others expect you to do. Don't get me wrong, I loved Stephen, but we probably wouldn't have stayed together if we hadn't...anyway, you don't have to stay hidden." "I need to get back to work," Corrine said, spinning her chair back around, facing the monitors and sound board once again, as Nat stood up and exited the room. As she wandered into the hallway, she stumbled into Jay, coming in with a cardboard thing full of coffee cups. "Hey!" he said, leaning in and kissing her cheek, "I'm surprised you're here! I ran out to get us all coffee, but I wasn't sure when you'd be back, so." "...I need your help," Nat said. "With what?" Natasha just smiled.
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Public Access follows Natasha Simple, a self qualified "self help" instructor with her own show on local public access. But when she makes a sudden and surprising statement on air, her entire life changes, for the better...and the worse. Archives
December 2022
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