"I want you to have this," Mary said, handing the glass turtle to Corrine as they sat in Corrine's backyard, hidden in the garden by the bushes and trees and flowerbeds. They were sitting on an old marble bench her father had bought just to spruce up the backyard. Corrine took the glass turtle and looked at it, before smiling and looking at Mary.
"I can come see you, right?" she asked, and Mary nodded eagerly. "Of course! Anytime!" she said, "Plus we have e-mail, phone, we can still be close!" Corrine smiled again and looked back at the glass turtle. She felt his pain in her chest, like something was attacking her heart. She felt Mary touch her face, and she turned back to face her. Mary leaned in and kissed her, Corrine happily kissing her back, setting the glass turtle down on the bench between them, the girls now kissing passionately. Corrine never made it out to Hawaii, but she could also never forget that last day they had together. Now, standing on Natasha's porch, glass turtle in her pocket, she wanted to cry. Finally she rang the doorbell, and after a moment the door opened. Violet stood there, and smiled. "Hello," she said, "I'll get my mom." "Thank you," Corrine whispered. Violet went back inside, and after a moment, Natasha was at the door. "Hey!" she said, cheerfully, "what are you doing here?" "...I need somewhere to stay," Corrine said. *** It had started earlier that day, with Jay and Sharla. The two had gone to the small studio to set up some new stuff for Sharla's workshop. Walking down the hall, Jay was surprised at how Nat had once acted towards her, because Sharla really wasn't that bad a person. In her yoga pants and her tank top, squirting her water bottle in her mouth, Sharla wouldn't stop talking about the gym she just signed up with. "I don't think I've ever been part of a gym," Jay said. "Really? You should do it. Not even for anyone else, just for you. And it's not even about looking good, that's just a fantastic byproduct," she said, making them both laugh a little as she added, "it's about being healthy, you know? My families genetics, especially in the women, were awful. All died young. My mother and her sister are the only two who made it into the later parts of their life, but even now it's getting rough. I refuse to go out like that." "Like what?" Jay asked, opening the door to the editing station. "You know, old," Sharla said, making him laugh again. As he flicked on the lights, Sharla screamed, which in turn made Jay scream, which in turn made Corrine scream. Corrine was sleeping on the couch, clutching a stuffed animal to her chest in her pajamas. After a moment, after everyone had regained their composure, Jay approached the couch. "Did you sleep here?" Jay asked, before noticing the bags beside the couch, "have you been sleeping here?" "Please don't get mad," Corrine said, "I...I got kicked out of my dorm." "What?" Jay asked. "Why's that?" Sharla asked. "My parents," Corrine said, "My...my parents stopped paying for my college. I have nowhere to go now. I can't go home. This was the only place I had access to. I'm so sorry, Jay, please don't-" "I'm not mad, Corrine, I'm not, I'm concerned if anything," Jay said. "Well, getting a scare is certainly a good way to get that heart rate up," Sharla said, making Jay chuckle. "I know where you can go," Jay said. And thus, Corrine wound up on Nat's porch. *** "Why'd you get kicked out?" Nat asked as she poured some coffee for Corrine, who was now seated at the table in the kitchen, eating pancakes with Violet, scarfing them down like she hadn't eaten in weeks. Nat took a seat between the two and looked at Corrine as she drank her own coffee. After a bit, Corrine finally pulled away from her plate and took a long sip of coffee before glancing nervously at Nat. "Uh," she said, "my parents, um...stopped paying for my college. I can't go home either. I'm effectively homeless." "Why would they do that?" Violet asked. "Because I was supposed to go to Hawaii this summer to see someone, but," Corrine said, sighing, realizing she had to finally explain what had happened, "when Mary's mom found out, uh, she freaked out. She also has spent the last year or so convincing Mary that she isn't...well...like me. She's been setting her up on date after date with guy after guy, none of them work out from what Mary's emails tell me, but, uh, yeah. That's why I didn't go. Then her mom called my parents and outed me." "...the fuck," Nat whispered, quickly realizing what she'd said in front of Violet, who giggled. "Anyway, I don't have anywhere to go. I was sleeping in the studio for a bit, until Jay found me this morning and told me to come here," Corrine said, fighting hard to hold back tears as she bit her lip, "uh...I just...I don't wanna be an inconvenience, you know? I don't...I don't wanna be in your way and-" Nat stood up and walked to Corrine, pulling her head against her and stroking her hair gently. "Shhh sweetheart, you're not in the way, okay? You can stay here as long as you need," Nat said, "everything's okay." Corrine couldn't take it anymore. She wrapped her arms around Natasha's waist and sobbed against her uncontrollably. Nat stayed there and held her as long as she could, all while Violet sat and watched as she ate her breakfast. She loved her mom so much, and she was so happy to know her mom loved everyone else as much as she loved her mom. She'd never seen her mom really be outright mean to anyone, and she wasn't sure she could picture it. Still, something bothered her. Something that she couldn't shake. And that something was the fact that she felt like she related to Corrine more than she should. *** "She's lucky," Courtney said as she and Violet sat in a fast food restaurant, splitting a few orders of fries along with their burgers; Courtney chewed a few fries then took a sip of soda and continued, "not a lot of people like that get someone to go to. A lot of them kill themselves. I'm lucky too. My dad loves me unconditionally, and I realize how lucky I am to have that." "I just don't...I guess I don't, um, really get it," Violet said, "You know? Why they'd care?" "I don't know. Parents are weird about their kids identities. They see children as, like, an extension of themselves, so if a kid is gay or whatever it makes them wonder if a part of them is, I guess," Courtney said, taking a bite of her burger as Violet nodded, taking it all in, stuffing more fries in her mouth. Courtney hadn't had lifeguard work today, which Violet was grateful for. She needed someone to bounce this stuff off of who wasn't her mom. And even though she'd already had a big breakfast and didn't need to eat again, nor was she very hungry, she figured this was what teenage girls did. They ate and gossiped. Violet looked around the restaurant at the other kids their age, and sighed, blowing her bangs from her eyes with her breath. She just couldn't shake this feeling that something was wrong with her. Courtney had made such a big deal about the boy at the pool, and her mother was now dating Jay, and Corrine's parents disowned her for liking another girl. But she didn't feel anything towards anyone, and that confused her. Had she simply not met the right person? No. That wasn't it. She wasn't even remotely interested. Violet couldn't help but wonder...what was wrong with her? *** When Violet got back that night, her mom was at the studio with Sharla and Jay, but Corrine was at the house, unpacking in the guest room. Violet stopped in the hall, looking in. The guest room was right across the hall from her own room, and she figured she should get used to have a neighbor now. She cleared her throat, and Corrine looked up from her seat on the floor, pulling things from her bag and sorting it all. "Hiya," Corrine said. "Are you feeling better?" Violet asked, entering and sitting on the floor, cross legged, across from Corrine. "I guess," Corrine said, shrugging, folding a shirt, "I don't know, it's all so fresh still. I guess I just half expected for my parents to die without ever learning about me, but now I realize how dumb that was to believe." "Can I...ask you a question?" Violet asked. "Yeah, of course." "Um...so my friend started doing lifeguard stuff at the pool this summer, mostly cause there's, uh, this...this boy there that she likes," Violet said, "and um...I guess I just don't, ya know, get it. I mean...I see the other kids in my school, and I know that a lot of them like eachother, but I don't understand why. They're just people, you know? There's...I don't know what I'm trying to say." "You've never had a crush?" Corrine asked and Violet shook her head; Corrine smiled, "well," she continued, "you could be asexual. There's nothing wrong with that, either. It's a perfectly normal thing many people are. If you've never found anyone attractive or wanted to be close to them, then that's likely what it is. Now, you might meet someone you do like, but the way you'll like them isn't based on physicality. It'll be based on the other far more important aspects of their personality." "...how did you...how did you know that..." "Uh, I didn't, hah," Corrine said, pulling her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, chuckling, "no, um, I met Mary in high school. We came from different sides of town, so we didn't go the same primary schools, but we went to the same high school because it was both our districts. So, we met on the first day of school and we both just hated everyone else, hah. After a while, she started to hang out with this other girl, and I got REALLY jealous. Like, more jealous than a 'friend' would get, you know? I started comparing myself to this other girl, trying to be cooler than her, and finally when I guess I had made enough of an ass of myself, Mary realized what I was doing. She told me she didn't know I was that way, and I asked her what way, and she laughed because she couldn't believe I was that goddamned dense." Violet and Corrine started laughing, lifting the mood in the room. "Yeah, it was embarrassing. Anyway, we decided to go to a school dance together but not, like, together, you know? And then we joined some girls in the bathroom who had pot and after smoking for a little bit we just...kinda went into a stall and started making out, and we spent the rest of high school together like that until she moved," Corrine said, looking at her feet, "...she was what showed me what I was, and maybe that's why this hurts so much. But honestly, I'd give anything to be asexual. To not have that pressure on you. I know that other people who are asexual get a lot of shit from society, as much as anyone else in a minority, but I'd prefer not to want to be with someone like that than wanna be with someone purely because they're hot. Attractiveness makes you make terrible decisions." Violet giggled and nodded, listening closely. "You don't think you're..." "No, I mean, I don't know," Violet said, "I've never really liked anyone, emotionally or otherwise. I just...I guess I just...yeah." "Well, I'm always available to talk about things if you want," Corrine said, smiling, "Consider me the big sister you never had." Violet laughed and nodded. She liked that. Violet said goodnight, then stood up and headed for the door. But, as she got there, she stopped, turned back around and walked back to Corrine, who was also now standing up, and hugged her tightly. Corrine looked towards the door, surprised by Violet's affections, only to see Nat standing there, grinning. After the hug broke, and Violet left the room to brush her teeth and get ready for bed, Nat entered the room. "Wow," Nat said, "she must really like you. She barely hugs me." "...I don't deserve this," Corrine said, "I don't...deserve your kindness, or charity, or your daughters friendship. I don't-" "Honey," Nat said, "yes, you do. I'm sorry your parents taught you you didn't, but you do. So Jay is downstairs, and we're gonna order a pizza and stuff, you wanna join us?" "I'd like that, yeah. I could use some socialization, weird as that sounds," Corrine said, the both of them laughing as they headed out of the room. *** "We'll get the coolest place," Mary said one night near in sophomore year, as the two laid in Corrine's backyard looking at the stars; she added, "We'll get like a loft studio apartment and we'll make lots of art and we'll just be totally cool. Everyone will wanna be us." "I don't even wanna be me, why would anyone else?" Corrine asked, making Mary laugh loudly; Corrine then felt her hand being held and she shut her eyes and relaxed as she continued, "...do you really see that happening? You really see us lasting like that?" "Of course," Mary said, "I mean, we can go to college here, in town, and then after college we can get good jobs and we won't need our parents and we can do whatever we want. That's the dream, right? I mean, imagine it, we'll go to orchestras and art shows and we'll produce high quality entertainment and our parents will have to see us in the paper and on the news and regret ever being mean to us, but we won't care cause we'll be having sex on hundred dollar bills on our queen size bed." Corrine burst out laughing, which made Mary laugh too. Corrine's parents were having a date night, which meant they had the house to themselves until late, which meant they had a date night themselves. Mary rolled over and nuzzled her face into Corrine's neck, kissing it lightly, making Corrine moan and blush. "The future's gonna be great," Mary whispered, "Just wait and see." In a way, she was right. The future was kinda great. Just not in the ways Corrine had expected. That being said... ...she couldn't deny that she'd trade it all in just to have Mary back, even for one night. They say you never really get over your first love.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
About
Public Access follows Natasha Simple, a self qualified "self help" instructor with her own show on local public access. But when she makes a sudden and surprising statement on air, her entire life changes, for the better...and the worse. Archives
December 2022
|