*click*
The message started again from the beginning, a womans voice speaking loud and clear from the speaker. "You're such a selfish bitch, I hope you know that. I hope you know that you don't actually want to help anyone, you only want to hurt them, you only care about bettering your own life. You're a fraud, and I hope you die you lying sack of human feces." The message ended, and Natasha and Jay looked up from the phone on Lawrence's desk to Lawrence seated behind it, who merely shrugged. "What did I ever do to this woman?" Natasha asked. "We don't know, obviously, but she's been leaving messages for weeks," Lawrence said, "And it's starting to take up all my space on my answering machine, quite frankly." "How...I mean...what can I even do about it? If we don't know who she is, if she's not leaving a callback number...is she?" Natasha asked, and Lawrence shook his head. "No, she's calling from a restricted number, there's nothing I can really gleam from it," Lawrence said, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes with his palms, "But this is getting out of hand and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to find out who she is, because this needs to be stopped." "Why don't you just replace the phone?" Jay asked. "Already done it," Lawrence said, "She found my new number." "Wow, that's dedication," Jay replied quietly, clearly impressed. "Well, I promise I'll figure it out somehow and make sure she stops bothering you," Natasha said, "I'm so so sorry about this Lawrence, you shouldn't have to deal with this kind of thing." After the meeting concluded, Natasha and Jay exited the office and leaned against the hallway wall outside the door, just staring into space and, occasionally, at one another. Eventually, they locked eyes and exhaled. Jay slid one hand into his coat pockets and his ran his other hand through his short brown scruffy hair. "How exactly do you plan to find this person if there's no callback number and it's a restricted line?" Jay asked. "We won't need to find her, because I already know who it is," Natasha said, surprising Jay, continuing, "I just didn't want to openly admit that to Lawrence. She's someone who's e-mailed me and I've met on a number of occasions before. I don't know where she lives exactly, but I do know her name and with that we can find her." "Who is this woman?" Jay asked, thoroughly confused by the whole thing. "Her name is Amanda Keaton," Natasha said, "She used to be a fan." *** Violet was, admittedly, somewhat frightened. Horses were large, awkwardly shaped beasts, with teeth too big for their mouths and enough strength to crush a skull under their hooves. As she cautiously pet the front of the horses nose, she began to smile a little, liking how soft the tip of their snout felt. It was like velvet, and the sensation on her skin was lovely, texture wise. She shut her eyes and continued petting, listening to the horse breath. After a few moments, Courtney came back into the stable with riding gear, and watched Violet pet the horse. When Violet opened her eyes, she spotted Courtney just standing and watching her and quickly pulled her hand away, feeling somewhat embarrassed for having been seen. "It's okay," Courtney said, "They feel nice, I know. Here, you have to wear a helmet." Courtney handed her a nice helmet, and Violet managed to put it on fairly easily, locking the little straps together under her chin and then readjusting the rest of it to comfortably sit upon her head. Courtney opened the stable door and led two horses out with her, Violet in tow, as they headed towards the outdoors. Once outside, Bryan was standing there, and was already on his horse, in full riding gear. "You're gonna love this!" Bryan said cheerfully, "Riding a horse for the first time is one of the greatest experiences one can have in the outdoors. There's a reason the wild west fought so hard to not die off." "Your mom did say this was alright, didn't she?" Courtney asked, before hesitantly handing Violet the reins to the horse she'd been petting in the barn. Violet nodded yes, and Courtney smiled as she helped her up on the horse. Sitting there, atop this mountain of a beast, feeling its weight shift beneath her, Violet felt...calm. The fire that was constantly surrounding her brain finally seemed to die down a bit, and she felt truly relaxed for the first time in her life. Bryan clicked his teeth, then his heels on the horses sides, and the three of them were off at a slow and steady pace up into the nearby wooded area. Violet knew Courtney's family was rich, but she wasn't sure just how rich they were until this very moment. They had a forest on their property, a property which included a stable full of horses. The house itself that they lived in was rather grand in scope, with as many bathrooms as Violet's had rooms. Heading up into the woods, Violet smiled, glanced over at Courtney and knew she finally had a real friend. It was something she'd never really felt before. All her friendships before had been nothing more than her mother begging other mothers to let their children play with Violet. But this? This was genuine. Courtney had approached Violet herself, taken the initiative upon herself to take her horseback riding, and had followed through on all her promises. Thank goodness, too, because a real friendship with someone her own age was something Violet desperately needed at this moment in time. *** Natasha and Jay were sitting in her living room, thumbing through a phone book. Thankfully, phone books still existed, though it certainly was somewhat of an effort to successfully track one down. They were seated on her couch and Jay, using his right index finger, was running down the list of names before them, hoping to eventually land on Amanda Keaton. Problem was, when they finally found her...there was a handful of them in the city. Natasha leaned back and groaned in frustration, covering her face with a pillow. "Hey, don't get discouraged, we'll just...drop on by to each of them and see which one is which," Jay said, "You'd recognize her, right?" "Yeah, she sent me a photo of herself and her family once," Natasha said, somewhat muffled through the pillow, "I would recognize her. I would. Still, that's kind of a creepy way to go about things, isn't it? This is why I whitelisted myself from the phone book. I mean, if I want my privacy, why should I just roll on up and invade someone else's personal space?" "She's invading yours!" Jay said, half laughing at the absurdity of this logic, "She's leaving you hostile semi threatening voicemails, and she sounds rather upset. I think you have every right to approach her about it, especially if she doesn't intend to stop bothering our boss, who, really, has nothing to do with any of this other than he happens to employ you. Lawrence shouldn't have to deal with that." "No, you're right, he shouldn't, and I...I know that, I do," Natasha said, putting a bookmark in the phone book and then picking it up, tucking it under her arm and heading towards the door, "Alright, let's go find these women." Natasha and Jay piled into her car and started driving. It took a while, almost 3 hours, but they did finally track down the right Amanda Keaton. She was standing outside, in her bathrobe, washing her car. Her hair was disheveled, like she hadn't showered in days, and she was smoking a cigarette. Once they'd tracked her down, they parked a bit a ways down the street from her home so as not to arouse her suspicion, and simply watch her from the comfort of the car. Why had this woman been doing this to her? She'd once been a fan, what had turned her against Natasha? They'd spoken several times over, so why the sudden seemingly irrational streak of hatred? Then again, it seemed lately that she was making more enemies than friends, so perhaps it wasn't all that surprising after all. After a bit, Natasha exhaled and looked at Jay. "You want me to come with you?" he asked. "Yeah, please, I...I don't trust I won't get hurt or something," Natasha said, and Jay nodded. "No probs boss," Jay said, unbuckling his seatbelt, quickly following Natasha out of the car and up the street towards the driveway. When they approached, Amanda Keaton was squatting down, squeezing her sponge out into a bucket, and slowly looked up at them. "oh," she said quietly, "it's you." "We need to talk," Natasha said. "Well," Amanda said, standing up and dropped the sponge fully into the bucket now, "then let's talk, I guess. What do you wanna talk about? That you destroyed my entire belief system, or that you ruined my marriage?" "...um," Natasha mumbled, "...I guess whatever you want to start with." This wasn't going to go well, she could tell. *** Violet and Courtney dismounted at the top of the hill, Bryan doing so shortly after them, and approached the edge. Violet had a particular fear of heights, so this made her somewhat uncomfortable, but she knew Courtney wouldn't let anything happen to her. Or at least she trusted as much, seeing as that's what friends were supposed to do, wasn't it? Help protect you? She didn't really know, as she'd never really had a real friend before. Standing there, Courtney reached into a side bag on the horse and pulled out some small carrots, which she split with Violet, and then showed her how to hand feed them to their equine friends. Bryan sat down on a nearby rock and pulled out his cell phone, checking his messages, his apps and what have you. "They're big but they're not dangerous, not anymore so than any other animal in our day to day lives, especially if you treat them with the same love and respect as you would anyone else," Courtney said, and Violet nodded. "Their size scares me," she stuttered, "Big things are scary." "Big things are scary," Courtney agreed, chuckling, "I'm scared of roller coasters myself. But...you need to face those fears, or else they control you. That's what my dad says anyway." Violet looked back at Bryan and grimaced. "I don't have a dad anymore," she said quietly. "I'm sorry," Courtney replied, "My mom isn't around much these days, so I know what it's like to be down a parent, even though our situations aren't exactly the same. But you have your mom, right? And isn't she like a TV star or something?" "Or something," Violet said, smirking, making a joke, "My mom is great, and I don't miss my dad really but I do wish my family was whole. My mom can be...weird, and sometimes that makes me feel weird. But she never makes me feel weird on purpose, she's never mean to me, not like the kids at school..." Courtney frowned a bit and leaned against a tree, folding her arms as she watched Violet continue to feed the horses. "It...it's even worse than you think or know," she said quietly, "...I don't want to alarm you, but you're very much a target of ridicule even when you're not there. Like, they're relentlessly cruel regarding you and your state of mental health. I had to break away from the rest of them because I just couldn't take it anymore. When I was a very little kid, I was made fun of too, for something out of my control, and I would never want to do that same sort of thing to someone knowing firsthand how it feels." "You're a nice person, Courtney," Violet said, the two of them smiling at one another, "And you have nice horses. Can we keep riding?" "Of course!" Courtney said, instantly cheering back up and hopping back onto her horse, Violet doing the same, Bryan following their lead and guiding them down through the hills and the woods. It was the first truly nice day Violet Simple had had in ages. *** Jay and Natasha were seated on the living room couch inside Amanda Keaton's home while she brought them some coffee. The place looked like a nightmare; it wasn't rundown or dingy or anything, but there were clothes and toys everywhere, bowls with spoons or forks in them in places they shouldn't be, and overall the place had the stench of 'unkempt'. Natasha dug her nails into her knees and looked over at Jay. "What do you say we just leave?" she asked. "You're so afraid of confrontation that you'll just bail?" Jay asked. "Yes, yes I am, and I would. You don't understand, I...I freeze up in this situations, man. When my husband walked out, I couldn't even argue against it. It was like a part of me understood and was willing to let it just happen. Like I deserved it or something. Now I've ruined this womans life, just like I ruined his, and both times, despite being told it's my fault, I don't know what it was that I did wrong!" She quickly shut up once she heard Amanda Keaton coming back into the living room. She handed them each their mugs of coffee before putting a plate of biscottis down on the coffee table in front of them and sat on the arm of a chair across from the couch. For a few minutes, nobody said anything, they all sat there awkwardly sipping coffee and eating cookies like they were old friends who'd just dropped in unexpectedly. Finally, Natasha opened her mouth, catching bits of cookie that tumbled from her mouth. "Can I rust thay..." she started, before finishing and starting again, "Can I just say one thing?" "Which would be?" Amanda asked. "I'm sorry. Whatever it was I did, or you feel that I did, I'm sorry," Natasha said, "I don't...I've caused a lot of problems lately, and I'm sorry if I caused you problems as well." "You broke my beliefs, Nat," Amanda said, "I mean, I was only a fan and we'd only corresponded a few times, but...but I truly believed in all the things you ever said. You were my guiding light in this world. The voice of reason on a television so often devoid of such a thing. And then you...you just...openly admit that none of it mattered or was true, and...and you broke me. My husband, on the other hand, emboldened by your newfound set of ethics, decided to finally leave." "...what?" Nat asked, sounding genuinely surprised at this revelation. "Yeah, he said you were right, he said he'd been feeling that same way for a while now and that you gave him the strength he needed to turn and finally leave," Amanda said, "This is the same man who, for many years, told me I was dumb for believing anything you said instead of forming my own critical opinions." "Wait, so, a guy who called you stupid who agreeing with someone whose ethical and moral beliefs lined up with your own then has the gall to say he too believes what she says when she starts saying something he agrees with, and you're upset he's gone?" Jay asked, "Sounds like, if anything, Nat saved you the trouble of being trapped in a marriage where you're made to feel like shit constantly." A silence engulfed the room, and Amanda pushed her bangs from her eyes, sighing. "I...I've thought about that, yeah, and it's...hypocritical for sure, but I didn't want my marriage to end, much less the way it did," Amanda replied. "I didn't want mine to end either," Nat said, "but it happens when it happens. Despite feeling like a ticking time bomb, there's actually no actual countdown clock for when something will explode. It just...happens. But the thing is, I've come to learn that I'm probably better off because of it now. Way I see it, he's with my sister, and I'm single and eating chinese takeout every night in my underwear in the living room watching whatever the hell I feel like watching. I'd say, between the two of us, I made out far better than he did, which is funny considering he's the one who pushed for it." Amanda exhaled and ran her hands fully through her dirty unwashed hair. She slumped down from the arm of the chair and into the chair proper, looking around the house. "I must be such a cliche," she said quietly, "Husband leaves and suddenly I can't function. Except the thing is, I can function. I just...didn't want to. When you're part of a team for that long, you don't really remember how to work by yourself when they're gone. You start to think maybe you can't. I know that I can, I just chose not to. It's not like I'm neglecting my children, they're going to school every day, clean and well dressed, and I'm making dinner every night, or ordering in, and so they're well fed. It's mostly just me, and the house proper, that's suffered." "Understandable," Jay said, "But at least you recognize it. At least you acknowledge it. At least you admit it. And at least you're willing to do it. A lot of people wouldn't, they would just give up, because their self esteem has been so worn down by the other part of their team that they no longer think they're either capable or deserving of doing better." "Amanda," Nat said, interrupting Jay, "...I never intended to hurt anyone. I...I did what I had to for me. My whole show was about helping others, but that one time, that one moment, that one singular instance, that was for me. I hurt. I still hurt, but it's, ya know, kinda manageable now, and it'll get more and more manageable every day that passes. You want a friend? I'll be your friend. Shit knows I could use one." Amanda laughed and sipped her coffee. "You're alright, Simple," Amanda said, "I'm sorry for harassing you the way I was. I didn't...I just didn't know who else to put my anger out towards. Doing it at my ex would've been so generic, you know? That's been done." "Yeah, you should always strive for originality," Jay said, the three of them beginning to crack up. This moment, to Natasha, was a real learning experience. Not only did her actions truly have impact on those around her, but it also made her aware that she herself had the ability to create such moments, if she so chose to. Much like her daughter, she too needed a friend. *** After Violet had been picked up, and the horses had been put away, and they had had dinner, Courtney found herself sitting in her bedroom. She was on her bed, in her pajamas, just looking through a photo album. But she wasn't looking at her mom, who was currently away on business, no. She was looking at herself. Bryan knocked on the door and came in, and she smiled at him as he sat down on the bed and ruffled her hair. "Hey kiddo," he said, "What're you doing?" "Nothing, just looking at pictures," Courtney said, "...dad, thanks for taking us riding." "Hey, it was a good time," Bryan said, "You know I love riding horses. I'm just glad you two had a good time. She seems like a good kid, if a bit strange. Then again what teenager isn't, right?" Courtney looked away, looking mildly hurt, before Bryan quickly corrected himself and touched her shoulder. "Hey, hey, I didn't mean that like that, you know that right? I didn't mean you," he said, "you're not strange, not for that anyway." This admittance made Courtney smirk and hug her dad. "I love you dad," she said softly, and he squeezed her back. "I love you too, sweetpea," he said, "now get some sleep. You have a doctors appointment tomorrow." With that, Courtney climbed into bed, grabbed her stuffed dog and hugged it close to herself as Bryan left the room so she could lay in bed and read for a bit before going to sleep. He made his way downstairs and sat down at the enormous dining room table, burying his face in his hands. He never wanted to make her feel weird or awkward for who she was, how she was. He worked so hard at keeping her happy, making her feel loved, but he often did the same for himself. Maybe self care was a real thing he should work on after all, he thought. He stood back up and walked to the couch, plopped down and clicked on the television. Natasha's face filled the screen, as a re-run of her show aired in front of him. He had the sound off, but the captions were on, so he could clearly understand what she was saying. She was saying something about how only you really can depend on yourself, and yourself alone, and he disagreed. He didn't want his daughter to have to only depend on herself. He wanted her to be able to depend on him as well. But he watched nonetheless. After all, if this new kid was going to be hanging around more, he'd better start boning up on his knowledge of Natasha Simple. He'd need it if he were going to ask her for a favor.
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Public Access follows Natasha Simple, a self qualified "self help" instructor with her own show on local public access. But when she makes a sudden and surprising statement on air, her entire life changes, for the better...and the worse. Archives
December 2022
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